Qualities.......
A friend of a friend wanted to know the story of how I met H.J. She asked me what were my skills.....I was like WHAT??? She said how did you know she was interested, what did you do, what moves did you put on her....I just laughed as that mental picture of the wedding came back to me....why so funny? Well, because I just talked, something I have been told I do too much but have always been good at. Over the years I have learned to listen more and talk less.....well with H.J. I listened, and listened well.....I looked into her eyes not at her tits. I did nothing but be P.B.....JUST BE....of course...LOL. One of my worst qualities I feel is that I hate being powerless it drives me insane, but that leads me to one of my best qualities, never giving up..... I wish I could go back about a month when H.J. slid me her back of Marb Lights....LOL....so cute in how casual she was....so effortless at being her.....it took me 2 years to figure out that I could spend the rest of my life with Ash and actually be happy....it took me about a week with Heidi to know that I could be happy.....we were never false with each other, we were ourselves and proud to be that way....
I miss the Hell out of her more than anyone probably knows....I bet by now if you are reading this you are thinking this is not the Steven that made his last two thoughts on H.J.....all the past tense and sadness....well you right. I don't want to get into the whole story, but you can tell that I am mad, sad, pissed off, angry, powerless, happy and excited just a little bit....all in one....
I am glad I met H.J. I do not regret anything which is not east to say because most of my time spent with the opposite sex I regret in one form or another....but not Heidi....I am so glad I drove the 8 hours to be with her....the times I laughed with her and the times I wish I could have cried with her.....she has been on my mind everyday since Friday when I found out.....and only one person reading this knows what I am talking about...and for now that is all I want to say....but to H.J. if you read this.....I want you to know that you meant the world to me in such a short amount of time....and yes I am fucking furious with God because I feel you got screwed as well as I did....wish I would have met you earlier in my life, wish this would of never happened....wish that I was older because maybe I could of spent the hard times with you that you will have to go through with your family and closest friends.....
I do not know what to say to make anything better....and that kills me as well....so for now I just think and think and think.....and I bet you wish you could go back to comparing how many packs we smoke in a week....LOL....still and always will be....gorgeous.....
-PB-
I miss the Hell out of her more than anyone probably knows....I bet by now if you are reading this you are thinking this is not the Steven that made his last two thoughts on H.J.....all the past tense and sadness....well you right. I don't want to get into the whole story, but you can tell that I am mad, sad, pissed off, angry, powerless, happy and excited just a little bit....all in one....
I am glad I met H.J. I do not regret anything which is not east to say because most of my time spent with the opposite sex I regret in one form or another....but not Heidi....I am so glad I drove the 8 hours to be with her....the times I laughed with her and the times I wish I could have cried with her.....she has been on my mind everyday since Friday when I found out.....and only one person reading this knows what I am talking about...and for now that is all I want to say....but to H.J. if you read this.....I want you to know that you meant the world to me in such a short amount of time....and yes I am fucking furious with God because I feel you got screwed as well as I did....wish I would have met you earlier in my life, wish this would of never happened....wish that I was older because maybe I could of spent the hard times with you that you will have to go through with your family and closest friends.....
I do not know what to say to make anything better....and that kills me as well....so for now I just think and think and think.....and I bet you wish you could go back to comparing how many packs we smoke in a week....LOL....still and always will be....gorgeous.....
-PB-