my new cursor is a martini glass=im a nerd(er drunk)
so yes i am sitting naked in the dark, drinking wine, with my back to the tv. i put on sense and sensability with no sound, cause yes it is my favorite movie.(in fact, i watch it so often the top of the movie is starting to slant to the right, we have almost all dvds, this one needs to be converted). im listening to kevin snore, he has been asleep for an hour. i would move to the living room but i dont want to move the laptop and if i fall asleep i can just crawl into bed.
ive felt pretty cheated the last week or so. i dont feel like i have been able to have my moments of pleasure. i cant really explain right now, but there is so much excitement in me and i want people to be excited for me. but im not feeling that right now. something totally monumental has happend in my life and i have told like a total of 5 people. and even if i did tell everyone i want to, it would be watered down anyways, someone else has stolen my moment.
this isnt how i hoped it would be. i guess i dont really know how i thought it would be. there is so much for me to be excited about, but all im really doing is stressing and crying inside.
today i wanted to give up. i cant explain it. there are moments like this in my life, mostly once a month when rent and bills are due, and i feel like i cant survive. or we cant survive rather. i miss shopping, i miss a lot of things, i hate budgeting. i hate that saving up for a house is totally sucking right now. i hate that the pg&e bill is so fucking expensive because its 106 FUCKING DEGREES in fresno.
i just want to talk to someone. i dont feel like i can trust anyone. and the one person i would go to is gone, i dont know where she is, i miss her, i dont know whats going on.
im going to email my teacher my paper and go to bed. i cant vent right now, im not allowed.
ive felt pretty cheated the last week or so. i dont feel like i have been able to have my moments of pleasure. i cant really explain right now, but there is so much excitement in me and i want people to be excited for me. but im not feeling that right now. something totally monumental has happend in my life and i have told like a total of 5 people. and even if i did tell everyone i want to, it would be watered down anyways, someone else has stolen my moment.
this isnt how i hoped it would be. i guess i dont really know how i thought it would be. there is so much for me to be excited about, but all im really doing is stressing and crying inside.
today i wanted to give up. i cant explain it. there are moments like this in my life, mostly once a month when rent and bills are due, and i feel like i cant survive. or we cant survive rather. i miss shopping, i miss a lot of things, i hate budgeting. i hate that saving up for a house is totally sucking right now. i hate that the pg&e bill is so fucking expensive because its 106 FUCKING DEGREES in fresno.
i just want to talk to someone. i dont feel like i can trust anyone. and the one person i would go to is gone, i dont know where she is, i miss her, i dont know whats going on.
im going to email my teacher my paper and go to bed. i cant vent right now, im not allowed.