it was the best of times, it was the worst of times
Well the last several days have been pretty life affirming. My brother and I talked until really late at night last week about our dad. How he isn't there for us, and how it seems like he doesn't really care. We, actually mostly me, see him every Monday and Thursday for dinner and such and every other weekend. He never talks to us, nor listens when we actually do talk. He did some really bad things when we were younger and our parents were still married, so we haven't ever had the best of relationships. Him and I used to always fight about everything, and I would always come home sad. Our relationship has improved (not a lot of fighting), but after my brother mentioned it I realized how much he just really doesn't care. He is always cancelling on his days with us, which I would think with the very few days he gets to see us he would want to make the most of the days he does have with us. Most nights I go over there it consists of: "how was school?", eat, and I watch tv as he goes about his business on the computer. I do try to talk to him, but it's hard because he doesn't listen.
On Thursday of last week, he cancelled because he was too tired after being called into work at 2:30 AM after the computer system crashed. He cancelled on Friday for the same reason, and by this time I am thinking, "Why doesn't he want to spend time with me?" I nderstand that he's tired, but that is no excuse for not seeing me. On Saturday he cancels because he has to work. My mom and I were pretty skeptical, so she drove past his house. Low and behold his car was right on front of his place! Now I am really depressed because he would rather sit at home alone thatn spend time with his own daughter (the only daughter that still talks to him). I decide not to let him get away with his lie. I call his phone a couple of times, but he doesn't answer. Finally I decide to just leave him a message that sadi something along the lines of, "Hey Dad I just wanted to know if you were coming tonight. Personally, I think that you're sitting at home not answering this, but hey that's just me. Bye." I wasn't going to let him ruin my night, so I went out and had fun. I guess the message was all he needed to fess up because the next morning there was a message on the phone in which he said in a near crying voice, "I'm sorry about yesterday, I am just going through a bad time right now. I should be able to pick up the kids tomorrow. I love you all." It turns out that he had lied about all of his reasons for cancelling. So the next day he cancels again, which really makes us mad, confused, and worried. My mom went to go see him to see what was going on. She called me telling me that his girlfriend had broken up with him for no apparent reason, and that he had been drinking for the past four days. My brother and I just think that it's a little ridiculous that a 47 year old man can't deal with a breakup in a more mature way. My mom went to the store to get him some water and food then returned to see if she could help him. They talked for a long time. He hit on her, which thoroughly upset her. That night we all were worried about him, and thought that he may even try suicide. There was nothing that we could do though.
He didn't go to work on Monday. My mom went back over to talk to him, which she found out was a mistake because he began digging into her, trying to bring her down to his level. She called me crying to tell me what he said. That night we had quite a lengthy conversation about what he says shouldn't matter because she has a better relationship with me and Kev than he ever will. That she is our hero, not him. Who's name is tattooed on Kev's wrist, yours not his. She always tells me that I am the only person that can talk her down. I love that I can be that for her, that person she can always count on. It makes me happy because she is amazing. Back to Dad, he is still not going to work and staying home drinking. He needs someone to talk some sense into him. He needs to be more mature and confront his issues. He is in danger of being fired, he's not thinking of his responsibilities i.e. his children. He talks about how much he is going to miss CHase, his now ex-girlfriend's son. He actually was crying about it. It hurts that he is so distraught over him who he has known for a little over 2 years, and didn't even see that often because his girlfrien lived in Sacramento. He seriously knows more about Chase than he does about Kev and I. It hurts. Other things that he does hurt me too along with things that he has done. An example of which can be found in the song I am listening to right now.
Though he hurts me, I still go over to his house. I go because I don't want to lose any chance of a relationship with him because I know that he could be gone tomorrow. It's hard, but I know that I won't regret it in the end. My sister hasn't talked to him in about 7-8 years, and I think that she will come to regret that when he does die. I wish that he will listen to someone and shape up because he can't go on doing this.
On a happier note, I recently saw some really great films; Dot the i, Thumbsuker, and The Squid and the Whale (some parts were a little too close to home). I really want to see Thank You for Smoking. Obviously I love movies.
On Thursday of last week, he cancelled because he was too tired after being called into work at 2:30 AM after the computer system crashed. He cancelled on Friday for the same reason, and by this time I am thinking, "Why doesn't he want to spend time with me?" I nderstand that he's tired, but that is no excuse for not seeing me. On Saturday he cancels because he has to work. My mom and I were pretty skeptical, so she drove past his house. Low and behold his car was right on front of his place! Now I am really depressed because he would rather sit at home alone thatn spend time with his own daughter (the only daughter that still talks to him). I decide not to let him get away with his lie. I call his phone a couple of times, but he doesn't answer. Finally I decide to just leave him a message that sadi something along the lines of, "Hey Dad I just wanted to know if you were coming tonight. Personally, I think that you're sitting at home not answering this, but hey that's just me. Bye." I wasn't going to let him ruin my night, so I went out and had fun. I guess the message was all he needed to fess up because the next morning there was a message on the phone in which he said in a near crying voice, "I'm sorry about yesterday, I am just going through a bad time right now. I should be able to pick up the kids tomorrow. I love you all." It turns out that he had lied about all of his reasons for cancelling. So the next day he cancels again, which really makes us mad, confused, and worried. My mom went to go see him to see what was going on. She called me telling me that his girlfriend had broken up with him for no apparent reason, and that he had been drinking for the past four days. My brother and I just think that it's a little ridiculous that a 47 year old man can't deal with a breakup in a more mature way. My mom went to the store to get him some water and food then returned to see if she could help him. They talked for a long time. He hit on her, which thoroughly upset her. That night we all were worried about him, and thought that he may even try suicide. There was nothing that we could do though.
He didn't go to work on Monday. My mom went back over to talk to him, which she found out was a mistake because he began digging into her, trying to bring her down to his level. She called me crying to tell me what he said. That night we had quite a lengthy conversation about what he says shouldn't matter because she has a better relationship with me and Kev than he ever will. That she is our hero, not him. Who's name is tattooed on Kev's wrist, yours not his. She always tells me that I am the only person that can talk her down. I love that I can be that for her, that person she can always count on. It makes me happy because she is amazing. Back to Dad, he is still not going to work and staying home drinking. He needs someone to talk some sense into him. He needs to be more mature and confront his issues. He is in danger of being fired, he's not thinking of his responsibilities i.e. his children. He talks about how much he is going to miss CHase, his now ex-girlfriend's son. He actually was crying about it. It hurts that he is so distraught over him who he has known for a little over 2 years, and didn't even see that often because his girlfrien lived in Sacramento. He seriously knows more about Chase than he does about Kev and I. It hurts. Other things that he does hurt me too along with things that he has done. An example of which can be found in the song I am listening to right now.
Though he hurts me, I still go over to his house. I go because I don't want to lose any chance of a relationship with him because I know that he could be gone tomorrow. It's hard, but I know that I won't regret it in the end. My sister hasn't talked to him in about 7-8 years, and I think that she will come to regret that when he does die. I wish that he will listen to someone and shape up because he can't go on doing this.
On a happier note, I recently saw some really great films; Dot the i, Thumbsuker, and The Squid and the Whale (some parts were a little too close to home). I really want to see Thank You for Smoking. Obviously I love movies.