don't let it get to you

Jan 28, 2006 23:16

Tomorrow my family is going to celebrate my B-Day (well only my mom, brother, and sister). My actual B-Day is on Monday, which is probably when I'll be celebrating it with my dad. I am definitely not looking forward to seeing my sister because we always fight. She is just so critical of me. Nothing I ever do is good enough for her. She just has to be so much more superior. I think that she expects me to be one way and that's not who I am. At least not anymore. She doesn't really know, correction she doesn't know me at all, the person that I am as of three years ago. (that's when she moved out) I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but it does kind of. It used to bother me a lot more, but now it bothers me in a different way. Not in an emotional way, but rather in a "why the hell wn't she just accept me?" way. She used to be a lot worse especially when she used to live her. I've moved on and grown from it, but I just don't understand why she can't do the same.

Something that's been bothering me: can dreams come true?, in the literal sense. I have had a couple of dreams that have actually come true. On for example would be on I had a couple of years ago where one of our dogs was taken from us and we couldn't get him back, then a couple days later he got hit by a car and died. Then last year before school started I had a dream where I was in a classroom with a lot of chairs and no desks, and everyone was saying "Come on Chris go up". The dream stuck with me even thoughit had no apparent significance. On the first day of school that year in drama, which was a classroom filled with chairs in rows but no desks. I thought nothing of it until during an exercise where everyone had to go up on stage and introduce themselves, Chris wouldn't go up onstage. Everyone began saying "Come on Chris just go up." I had a major deja vue moment. The thing that got me was I didn't even know Chris, yet I still had a dream about him. I have had a couple other dreams that have affected me in the same way, but have not yet come true. They felt extremely real, I even found myself thinking about what I would say next in the dream . I don't know maybe I'm tripping, but some of my dreams have come true, and it freaks me out.

Right now I should be writing a synopsis for a classic film for my Film Analysis class. I started to, but got bored and now here I am. I need to stop being so aloof and elusive. I need to be more direct, and let my intentions known. I've been too mysterious and stand offish especially with guys.

Maybe I'll post some writing later, maybe that poem that I spoke of earlier, but I don't know, it's kind of personal. Let me know if you want to hear it.

the day before

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