2004 in one act: amended edition
2004 in One Act
Prelude
Agnes Howard Hall, one Sunday morning in September 2003.
Matt Becker: Hey honey! Um, I don’t want a girlfriend anymore. It’s been real, catch ya later.
Amie: But! I love you! With emphasis.
Matt: Oh. That sucks. Turn it off. Exits stage left and Amie’s life forever.
January 2004
Amie: Cries.
February
Amie: Cries.
March
Matt: Struts across campus. Is not struck by lightning.
Amie: Weeps.
April
Amie: Cries.
Alice: Hi Pip!
Amie: Hi.
Alice: George W. Bush sucks, doesn’t he?
Amie: Duh.
Alice: Let’s go get milkshakes!
Katie Oreskovich: I’m Katie and I love John Kerry, too!
Amie: Neat! Want to hear a joke about a fox?
George W. Bush: Sucks.
Summer
Amie: You are a prostitute.
Alice: You are the pathetic remnant of another era!
John Kerry: I’m reporting for duty! Salutes.
The world: Is filled with hope.
September
Wesleyan campus, Alice and Amie have been reunited after months of bonding over AIM.
Alice: Pip! We’re reunited at last!
Amie: We were actually reunited in late August, but that would have changed everything!
They hold hands and skip around in a circle, while Matt walks across stage, wearing a yarmulke.
A chilly night at Spruce Knob, honors students are gathered around a fire.
Dr. Beeby: Ooh! Look at Amie and Aaron. They’re talking! Do you think anything will happen between them? Teenage girl voice.
Katie: Rolls eyes. No way! He’s totally not her type. Stands up on haunches, places paws on hips, and demands to know: Where’s my pie?!
October
Amie: I don’t drink!
Aaron: I don’t either.
Pause.
Aaron: I don’t smoke pot.
Amie: I don’t either!
Tension builds.
Amie: I’M A VIRGIN! I WIN!
Aaron: Glares.
Girl: The library is closing.
Erin: You and Aaron are so going to end up together.
Amie: No, I really don’t think so. We’re friends! Shudders at the thought of kissing someone with dreads.
Erin: Laughs in a know-it-all manner.
Cody: Mazel-aaaargh!
Matt: Is offended.
November
Democratic Party: Shit.
Erin: You are so more than friends!
Amie: It's a complex friendship that cannot be defined by conventional terminology.
Erin: You kiss!
Amie: In a friendly manner.
December
Alice: Pip and Aaron, sittin’ in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
Amie: Whatever. Snippily.
Christmas break, the Dillon household.
Amie: Thinks about how right it feels when Aaron’s arms are around her.
Ghost of Gene Kelly: Appears and whispers in Amie’s ear. Why, it’s... almost like being! In love! Discreetly tap-dances away.
Dr. Beeby: Is smug.
The End