Broken Symmetry

[particleswarm]

I find myself to be an utter tinkerer, but mostly of thought. I tinker and recombine thoughts here and there, for that is what I do best. The use of my hands, however, is another story. I would like to rectify that; mostly for the sake of making some of my thoughts reality. That would be nice, would it not? Pure amateur thought, as graeviking would term it, is enjoyable on its own merits, but to make thoughts and ideas real, is the material of great things. Thoughts and feelings locked in one's head serves little in making a difference. It may make a difference to you, but to the background thermodynamic entropy of the Universe, well, it makes little difference. I must gain control of my clumsy hands, or recalibrate my recalcitrant tongue, to make live my weary tempest that is my thought stream. It's largely noise, but alas noise is a necessary component for evolution, for there would be no progress without variation. Sometimes it is a very good thing to have a noisy channel, to transmit information upon. Think of the occasional moment where, perhaps, you were giving ideas and pleasing thoughts, simply because you misunderstood a particular phrasing or wording. Noise is beautiful, in moderation. Symmetry is boring, friends.

My problem is that I seldom have looked upon myself in positive terms. I often have doubted my abilities or have chastised myself for thinking about things that I "hadn't any right to be thinking about." Things are changing now, and I am recovering slowly from my emotional nadir and bitter dregs.

Now if only if I can remember what I wanted to do in the past. I really should carry around a notebook.