Dear McDonald's
Dear McDonald's,
We need to have a talk. Now, now, I know what you're thinking and no, this isn't about how bad your food is for the human body. No, this is about something much more severe - your insults to Southern Cuisine. Recently, you've started selling what you so affectionately call a Southern Chicken Sandwich and Southern Chicken Biscuit. First of all, down here in the south, if you're going to sell a fried chicken sandwich, please call it that. Everyone else down here has the balls to call in a Southern Fried Chicken Sandwich, but that's really beside the point.
What this is really about is how shitty your sandwiches actually are. In the city that invented Bojangles, you need to step it up a bit. Every corner in North Carolina has a chicken sandwich that blows yours out of the water. But you have to understand, we take this shit personally. It's not as if you had a shitty bagel or a shitty sushi roll. This is chicken and here, we know chicken. Your biscuit is dry and gross and your sandwich tastes like you went to Chic-Fil-a, bought their sandwich, rubbed it with evil and left it out for about 2 days to get nice and stale. My advice to you is just stop. You can't sell box wine to the French and you can't sell a crappy fried chicken sandwich to Tarheels. And, you know what, while I'm at it, what the fuck is up with your sweet tea. A few months ago, you did this huge marketing campaign about how you guys had sweet tea. Everyone here just laughed every time we saw those billboards. Do you guys even do market research? If you did, you'd know that you are the absolutely last food establishment to offer sweet tea. This is North Carolina. You get sweet tea everywhere, literally. Asian restaurants, Wendy's, 5-star places, hot dog stands, etc. You can get sweet tea at more places than you can get either Pepsi or Cheerwine, both drinks that were created in North Carolina. And not to even mention that your tea tastes like crap. Cheap-ass freeze-dried tea plus an ungodly amount of high fructose corn syrup is NOT good.
So, in closing, McDonald's... we know you're shitty fast food, but please, PLEASE, stop pretending you know anything about the south. Call it something else, but pretty much nothing about your menu is "Southern." Stop copying Bojangle's and Chic-Fil-A and go back to finding other ways to kill us with your food. Or, at least if you're going to keep up with this Southern rip-off trend, go all out and offer fried Oreos. Oh, wait, I forgot, you can't used "fried." Hmm... how about "Southern Oreos"
We need to have a talk. Now, now, I know what you're thinking and no, this isn't about how bad your food is for the human body. No, this is about something much more severe - your insults to Southern Cuisine. Recently, you've started selling what you so affectionately call a Southern Chicken Sandwich and Southern Chicken Biscuit. First of all, down here in the south, if you're going to sell a fried chicken sandwich, please call it that. Everyone else down here has the balls to call in a Southern Fried Chicken Sandwich, but that's really beside the point.
What this is really about is how shitty your sandwiches actually are. In the city that invented Bojangles, you need to step it up a bit. Every corner in North Carolina has a chicken sandwich that blows yours out of the water. But you have to understand, we take this shit personally. It's not as if you had a shitty bagel or a shitty sushi roll. This is chicken and here, we know chicken. Your biscuit is dry and gross and your sandwich tastes like you went to Chic-Fil-a, bought their sandwich, rubbed it with evil and left it out for about 2 days to get nice and stale. My advice to you is just stop. You can't sell box wine to the French and you can't sell a crappy fried chicken sandwich to Tarheels. And, you know what, while I'm at it, what the fuck is up with your sweet tea. A few months ago, you did this huge marketing campaign about how you guys had sweet tea. Everyone here just laughed every time we saw those billboards. Do you guys even do market research? If you did, you'd know that you are the absolutely last food establishment to offer sweet tea. This is North Carolina. You get sweet tea everywhere, literally. Asian restaurants, Wendy's, 5-star places, hot dog stands, etc. You can get sweet tea at more places than you can get either Pepsi or Cheerwine, both drinks that were created in North Carolina. And not to even mention that your tea tastes like crap. Cheap-ass freeze-dried tea plus an ungodly amount of high fructose corn syrup is NOT good.
So, in closing, McDonald's... we know you're shitty fast food, but please, PLEASE, stop pretending you know anything about the south. Call it something else, but pretty much nothing about your menu is "Southern." Stop copying Bojangle's and Chic-Fil-A and go back to finding other ways to kill us with your food. Or, at least if you're going to keep up with this Southern rip-off trend, go all out and offer fried Oreos. Oh, wait, I forgot, you can't used "fried." Hmm... how about "Southern Oreos"