Out of Control.
Sunday-11am I wake up and realize that I'm on the floor of James' bedroom. Why am I sleeping on the floor in my clothes? Why does my body feel like it got hit by a god damn train? I sit up and see that James is asleep in bed. I think to myself, "okay good, at least I know I didn't miraculously survive Armageddon and end up safely asleep on James' floor." I crawl over to the bed and proceed to take of my socks and stuff so I can sleep when James rolls over and looks at me with this kinda questioning look. I say "Why was I on the floor and why can I not remember anything that happened last night?" He says "You drank too much, you blacked out, you puked and decided to sleep on the floor in the fetal position." My jaw drops. I seriously have no recolection of last night after about 11pm. And the things I do remember from before 11pm are quite shakey.
Now we all know that I like my whiskey but it has never been a habit of mine to get to the point I was at last night. I have no clue how or why it happened. It's not even normal for me to drink until I slur my words or vomit, much less until I black out! I would have normally stopped myself when I realized how drunk I was but unfortunately I drank so much so quickly last night that I didn't even realize where I was headed. Half a bottle of Jack plus two shots of everclear in under an hour and a half. Wow.
So now as I nurse my bruised body and churning stomach I think to myself "Why did I do that? It's so uncommon an act for me that there has to be some kind of motive or reason." The best I can come up with is Stress. I'm not upset about anything to make me want to drown my worries in a bottle. But I'm not very stressed out either. Things are great right now, work is good, family is awesome, James is fantastic, I'm making friends and moving forward. I guess it was just due time for a drunken debaucle.
So yeah, I guess what I'm upset about now is that I don't remember anything. Anything at all really. It's a very unnerving feeling and I'm not enjoying it much at all. I'm also immensly embarassed. You all know me quite well and know that I love to be in control of every situation. I'm a Taurus! So to be vulnerable like that and then to not even remember what I may have done or said is kinda frustrating. I'm fortunate that I was in such good hands. (Thank you James!) But I do feel awful. I know how shitty it can be to have to tend to someone who is inhebriated and sick and I hate the fact that I put James and company in that position. Especially since we haven't even known each other for too long! Go me and my suave ass first impressions. ::slaps forhead:: aye carumba.
Okay, this is loooooooonnnnng. I'm out.
Fin.
Now we all know that I like my whiskey but it has never been a habit of mine to get to the point I was at last night. I have no clue how or why it happened. It's not even normal for me to drink until I slur my words or vomit, much less until I black out! I would have normally stopped myself when I realized how drunk I was but unfortunately I drank so much so quickly last night that I didn't even realize where I was headed. Half a bottle of Jack plus two shots of everclear in under an hour and a half. Wow.
So now as I nurse my bruised body and churning stomach I think to myself "Why did I do that? It's so uncommon an act for me that there has to be some kind of motive or reason." The best I can come up with is Stress. I'm not upset about anything to make me want to drown my worries in a bottle. But I'm not very stressed out either. Things are great right now, work is good, family is awesome, James is fantastic, I'm making friends and moving forward. I guess it was just due time for a drunken debaucle.
So yeah, I guess what I'm upset about now is that I don't remember anything. Anything at all really. It's a very unnerving feeling and I'm not enjoying it much at all. I'm also immensly embarassed. You all know me quite well and know that I love to be in control of every situation. I'm a Taurus! So to be vulnerable like that and then to not even remember what I may have done or said is kinda frustrating. I'm fortunate that I was in such good hands. (Thank you James!) But I do feel awful. I know how shitty it can be to have to tend to someone who is inhebriated and sick and I hate the fact that I put James and company in that position. Especially since we haven't even known each other for too long! Go me and my suave ass first impressions. ::slaps forhead:: aye carumba.
Okay, this is loooooooonnnnng. I'm out.
Fin.