A Seaside Story (part 45)
When Subaru goes back inside the room where his friends are, he almost doesn’t realise they’re looking at him curiously. He wonders what they’re expecting.
“Is Yasu not coming back?” Ryo asks, and Subaru panics for a second, wondering how much of an excuse he needs to concoct.
“No, he needed to head off,” he explains, praying they don’t ask what he came to speak to Subaru about in the first place. “But we can go for a drink or something later, if you want to grill him some more about what he’s been doing here. In all honesty I don’t know how he’s filled three years,” Subaru says, trying to continue his jovial front.
The others just nod like it’s normal. Subaru breathes a sigh of relief. After all, why wouldn’t it be normal? He has to act cool, like there’s nothing out of the ordinary!
The door slides open again and Sadako mysteriously materialises. Subaru marvels at her timing. “Subaru, I have some jobs for you - maybe your friends can help?”
Subaru turns to them and whispers, “Better do what she says!”
Sadako tuts. “I can do you a discount accommodation rate if you do a few chores while you’re here,” she offers. She doesn’t sound quite as friendly and grandmotherly as she does to other guests, but she’s not using the same strict demeanour she uses with Subaru alone. Must be because she heard they were reformed. But she obviously thinks a few more chores won’t hurt their efforts.
“Thanks, that’s very kind of you!” says Hina brightly.
“Just let us know what you need doing,” adds Yoko, nudging Ryo meaningfully.
Sadako smiles. “Good boys,” she says, and Subaru tries to stop himself sniggering. She ignores him. “You can all run down to the shops and get the groceries. And seeing as there’s so many of you, we can stock up on heavy items.”
So, they go and buy washing powder, lots of rice and flour, bottles of oil and beer and soy sauce, and let Hina carry more than his fair share because he’ll relish the chance to exercise his muscles. Sadako rewards them with tea and crackers, and the chance to just relax and hang out for the rest of the day. To Subaru’s relief, his friends haven’t become strait-laced, monkish bores who just want to drink tea and go to bed at 9.30 - in fact, their escapades seem remarkably similar to when they were all delinquents together, except minus the shoplifting and fights. It’s very encouraging, really.
“I’m so relieved to hear there’s life after reformation,” Subaru says. “I was scared I was gonna get home and end up throwing myself under a train out of sheer boredom.”
“No, it’s fine!” Hina hurries to say, making sure to look at Ryo too. “And you don’t have to worry about whether the police are watching you either, and where you’re going to run to if they come after you. It’s kind of weird.”
“Come on though, the police must still know who you are,” says Ryo scornfully. “I’m never going to get away from all the stuff I’ve done, not unless I come somewhere like this, so why bother trying?”
Yoko sighs. “Maybe you’ll understand when you’re a bit older. But by then it might be too late!” he warns. “We don’t get long to live y’know! Why spend it all being a dickhead and causing your family stress? It’s more hassle than it’s worth!”
“‘When I’m older’,” mimics Ryo. “Don’t talk to me like I’m a little kid! I can decide things for myself!”
Subaru steps in. “I know, it sucks when people try and tell you what to do, especially when they’re meant to be on your side,” he says. “The more someone tells you to, the less you want to do it, right? Because you don’t want to seem like you’re doing it because they said to.”
Ryo nods grimly.
“But everyone just wants you to avoid the shit that’s happened to us,” Subaru explains.
“I know, I know,” Ryo whines. “But can’t we just give it a rest for a bit? Just while we’re here? This is meant to be a break!”
“OK, OK,” Hina agrees, holding his hands up. “We’ll try not to talk about it while we’re here. But at least use the time we’re away to think about it?”
“Alright,” concedes Ryo. “If it’ll get you off my back!”
“Good, fine,” says Subaru hastily. “Now why don’t we go for a drink?”
“Good idea,” agrees Ryo. “I want to talk to Yasu more about him just disappearing like that.” He looks quite stern as he says it.
“And I want Yasu to tell more stories about what you’ve been like since you got here,” says Yoko, giggling.
“And I want to hear more about what Ryo was like when he was a young whippersnapper,” adds Hina, with a grin.
Subaru tries not to grimace. Seems there’ll be no avoiding Yasu, even if he wanted to. Yasu, yet again, seems to be the star attraction. Like the monkeys at the zoo. That thought makes him feel a bit better. Yasu is a curiosity.
So they go call for Yasu. Subaru thinks they’ll go to the bar, but instead, Yasu suggests they hang out at his place and drink beer from the combini. Cheaper, and no-one will be listening if they talk about past exploits of dubious legality.
To everyone except Ryo’s amusement, as soon as Yasu has a drink in his hand, he remarks, “I can’t believe how much you’ve grown up, Ryo-chan!”
Ryo frowns, cheeks turning pink. “I can’t believe you haven’t,” he retorts.
Yasu chuckles. “When I first knew Ryo he was way shorter than me,” he teases. “like, he barely came up to my shoulder.”
“Don’t exaggerate!” complains Ryo. “And anyway, I can look down on you now,” he adds with a touch of smugness.
“That’s what I said,” Yasu giggles. “You look good. You were always such a skinny kid, I’d never have imagined you’d have muscles like that.”
“Same to you,” Ryo mumbles, not looking quite so annoyed now. “I guess if I had to come out here, at least I’d keep fit. And get a good tan,” he says, a grin starting to spread across his face as he looks at Yasu.
“Yep, you’d get to spend lots of time outdoors,” Yasu says. “And I’d have some decent company. I bet you’d be nicer to me than he was to me for the first couple of months he was here,” he adds wryly, gesturing at Subaru.
“Oi!” Subaru protests as the others laugh. “I thought we were past all that!”
“We are,” says Yasu mildly. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t remember so I can bring it up to entertain people you know at every available opportunity.”
Subaru narrows his eyes, remembering his mother’s visit.
“Yeah, tell us more about this,” laughs Hina, egging Yasu on. “I bet he was a total nightmare wasn’t he?”
“Oh, totally,” says Yasu easily. “He didn’t even tell me his real name! He’s lucky I never met an Uchi Hiroki.”
The others fall about laughing. “I can’t wait to get back and tell him that!” Ryo says. “He’ll be thrilled!”
“Can we move on please?” says Subaru testily.
“Yeah, let’s hear more about when Ryo was a little shrimpy kid,” suggests Yoko with a grin.
Ryo scowls and protests but Yasu chuckles. “Well, he could get away with a lot more than the rest of us because he was so small and cute,” Yasu says with a grin. “Everyone thought he was a lovable scamp. They thought he was my younger brother and told me off for leading him into bad ways!”
The others laugh, even Ryo. “I had to be tough, or the other kids would’ve beat me up!” he explains.
“That’s your excuse,” Yasu teases. “We all know who was the ringleader.”
Ryo plonks himself down next to Yasu and hits him in the side.
“See?!” Yasu giggles. “He’s so bad! Maybe you do need to come here to reform,” he says, sounding like a parent.
Subaru can’t help but pay attention to the relationship between Yasu and Ryo. Ryo might be a brat, just as Subaru knows him too, but even though he smacks Yasu a bit, after not very long at all his arm is round Yasu’s shoulders with casual yet genuine affection.
And it’s after not many drinks at all that Ryo says, “I’m really glad you’re not dead, y’know.”
Yasu giggles. “Well, thanks,” he says, but then, more seriously, adds, “I wish I could’ve told you. But I couldn’t go back. I had to get out of there. It was pretty much that, or kill myself. Which would probably have happened if I’d stayed anyway.”
Ryo looks down. “Some of the guys thought maybe you’d betrayed us. Just like some people did about him,” he says, gesturing at Subaru. “But I never thought that! I thought they were fucking sick, saying it,” he growls. “In the end I decided to ditch ‘em. It wasn’t the same without you anyway,” he mumbles.
Yasu chuckles kindly, putting his arm round Ryo. “Thank you, Ryo-chan,” he says affectionately. “You’re sweet when you want to be.”
Ryo rests his head on Yasu’s shoulder, as if they’ve hung out this way every day for the past three years. Subaru is amazed. He never remembers Ryo being like this with anyone else. Were they like this before? When they were teenagers? Were they this close? Subaru wonders if Yasu has always had that way of attracting people to him, of seeming so open and... touchable.
Maybe it’s just that Ryo is so happy to see him again after so long not even knowing if he was alive. But Subaru inevitably finds himself wondering if Ryo knows about Yasu. Surely he can’t, or he wouldn’t be all over him like that? But Yasu has obviously known he was that way since junior high, maybe even before Ryo knew him. Would he tell? Would Ryo guess? Subaru knows he didn’t guess - it just didn’t occur to him! And it would never have crossed his mind that anyone he was in the gang with might be like that! Ryo can’t know, Subaru decides. He just wouldn’t act so comfortable! Subaru knows he wouldn’t especially at Ryo’s age and with Ryo’s attitude and bravado.
Or maybe this is another side of Ryo, that Subaru’s never seen. A special friendship he had with Yasu.
He doesn’t quite know how that makes him feel, but he suddenly feels a twinge of coldness towards Ryo. How can Yasu, who lost his virginity to a random guy he’d only known for a few days, who attracted the attention of an unsuspecting girl, who’s got Ryo hanging off him like he’s a teddy bear - how can that Yasu look Subaru in the face and tell him that kissing him was a mistake?
Subaru doesn’t even want to be here any more. Not only will Yasu always be the better choice, the better friend, the one everyone is interested in, but Yasu himself doesn’t even want him.
Subaru has to face the sickening realisation that this feeling is jealousy, and maybe all the other ones have been too. When Maru came, Subaru wasn’t just being passed over by Maru for a more appealing friend, he was being put aside by Yasu too, and that stings again now when he thinks about it. Maybe Yasu saw something in Maru he couldn’t get from Subaru, but now here’s Subaru, giving Yasu every indication he reasonably could that maybe there is something more Subaru can give him, and Yasu knocks it back. And he’s definitely not going to get it from Ryo, so that’s not even an excuse now.
Subaru feels like the biggest fucking idiot. He stayed awake all night agonising over this and to Yasu it’s just nothing. Just a mistake.
Well, that’s what he gets, and that’s what he should expect, he guesses.
He watches everyone laughing and joking and it just makes him want to be at best withdrawn, at worst spiteful. He shifts around restlessly until the next chance he gets to speak.
“Y’know, I didn’t sleep so well last night, so I think I’m gonna head back,” he says, not caring how heavy his tone is.
“What? We came all this way and you don’t even wanna hang out?!” sputters Hina.
“You’ll be here tomorrow won’t you?!” retorts Subaru, his voice a little too loud. “You can let yourselves in when you like.”
He heads down the stairs and out of Yasu’s apartment, but as soon as he gets outside he realises he doesn’t want to go back to the inn, even if he didn’t think Sadako will be there waiting for him with piercing eyes and probing questions.
It’s not warm anymore, but he trails over to sit on the beach out of sight. It’s been a while since he’s felt this sorry for himself, but it feels all too familiar. There’s nothing he can do about this situation, so he might as well wallow in it for a bit. He doesn’t want to think too hard. His friends are here now anyway, it’ll be fun having them around. It won’t have to just be him and Yasu. He’s going to feel miserable and hard done by tonight, then he’s going to go to sleep. And when he wakes up in the morning, he’s going to forget all about it, and carry on.
TBC