I'm in bewilderment.

[parshukowa]

Really, it seems to me there is only one man in this world that can puzzle me. He made it twice already. I completely refuse to understand him. As soon as I've said that he had changed and became more serious and obliging towards me - he ruined all my thoughts, destroyed all my illusions and put me into the state of a foolish school-girl who is trying to find reasons. At least 5 days before he was absolutely positive towards me. Now I feel that he changed up his mind. Or probably it is my wrong conclusion. I was so shocked when I met him in the shop today. I really wanted to meet him. I just opened the door and like in a movie - he was standing in front of me. For 6 months I went to this shop, but never met him there. I was so happy to see him. Finally he said that he'll call me in the evening, but I strangely couldn't tell him what was the best time to call - so we decided to meet here - in the internet. No sign of him. He is not answering.

I'm trying to be reasonable. Trying to stay a grown up woman, but it seems to me I'm 16. Ready to cry, because he's not answering... I really will be proud if I wouldn't. Sometimes I clearly see that my behaviour is childish, I understand what I can do and what is absolutely silly, but sometimes I can't stop myself.

I've got problems with myself. I really hope that everything will be OK with visa. At least for 2 weeks I'll leave him alone. Or probably as it was before - it is the time of the big pause. And next 6 months we won't talk, meet, smile together. Don't want to loose him. This month made him the only man I can talk to.

Why he is not on-line?