Discouragement
(Cross-posting from IJ)
I'm starting to think I must be a pretty crap writer/artist.
No, it's not just the usual starving-artist-inferiority complex, nor me begging for comments. I haven't posted much lately, after all.
But. This past winter - 5 months gone and then some - I had not one, but TWO gifts I produced get ignored by their recipient. One art, one fic. I can - kinda - understand the fic recipient not responding. Maybe it was just a bad fic, it was hard to write. But the art? I thought the art was good. Some of my better art, really. And the person's been online, talked to people, been in chat, joined other fests, even been reminded she has a gift she didn't comment on, and -
Nothing.
And then there's the person I'd bounce all my Snarry plotbunnies off of. Who I wrote a lovely long (well, long being more than 10,000 words) smutty fic for. And she hasn't been around long enough to read it. Her IM is always up; I've messaged her over the course of TWO MONTHS, and I'm either being ignored or she thinks my fic is really crappy and just doesn't want to say. Or she's had another emergency, but - two months?!?!?
And I can't seem to keep a muse anymore. I need people to bounce ideas off of, talk through plotbunnies, send and share snippets of writing with. I just can't seem to write without that second-person perspective and enthusiasm. Witohut it, I double-guess and naysay myself into the ground. Of course, finding a muse who's interested in a wide variety of pairings (especially Snape-centric ones), both het and slash, a vast number of kinks, and especially dark fic of all flavours - and last of all, someone who is often online via AIM, MSN, Yahoo, IRC, ICQ, Google chat or any other messaging client.
I would insist on being difficult.
So yea, kinda bummed and discouraged in general.
I'm starting to think I must be a pretty crap writer/artist.
No, it's not just the usual starving-artist-inferiority complex, nor me begging for comments. I haven't posted much lately, after all.
But. This past winter - 5 months gone and then some - I had not one, but TWO gifts I produced get ignored by their recipient. One art, one fic. I can - kinda - understand the fic recipient not responding. Maybe it was just a bad fic, it was hard to write. But the art? I thought the art was good. Some of my better art, really. And the person's been online, talked to people, been in chat, joined other fests, even been reminded she has a gift she didn't comment on, and -
Nothing.
And then there's the person I'd bounce all my Snarry plotbunnies off of. Who I wrote a lovely long (well, long being more than 10,000 words) smutty fic for. And she hasn't been around long enough to read it. Her IM is always up; I've messaged her over the course of TWO MONTHS, and I'm either being ignored or she thinks my fic is really crappy and just doesn't want to say. Or she's had another emergency, but - two months?!?!?
And I can't seem to keep a muse anymore. I need people to bounce ideas off of, talk through plotbunnies, send and share snippets of writing with. I just can't seem to write without that second-person perspective and enthusiasm. Witohut it, I double-guess and naysay myself into the ground. Of course, finding a muse who's interested in a wide variety of pairings (especially Snape-centric ones), both het and slash, a vast number of kinks, and especially dark fic of all flavours - and last of all, someone who is often online via AIM, MSN, Yahoo, IRC, ICQ, Google chat or any other messaging client.
I would insist on being difficult.
So yea, kinda bummed and discouraged in general.