Nursing/Lost My First Patient
I didn't expect nursing to be easy but I certainly didn't expect it to be this hard. Forgive me if I'm repeating myself. I can't ever remember what I say on here.
Every day I want to quit. It's UNREAL the amount of stress I am dealing with and the shear exhaustion. I keep waiting for it to get better. They keep telling me it will get better.
I can't even enjoy my days off I'm so tired from my shifts. On my 3rd day off I'm starting to recover and then I have to go to work again and it all starts over again. It's a vicious cycle. My house is a wreck. I'm too tired to do anything. I hurt all over. I have a lot of physical issues that only get magnified being on my feet all day and not getting enough sleep. Sometimes when I get out of bed, it is so painful and it takes me awhile to be able to walk. I keep telling myself it could be worse, but it's so hard to be thankful when you have so many physical issues.
They kept pressuring me to come off of orientation, so even though I should have had another month, I agreed because I couldn't deal with it anymore. I mean I'm doing all the work anyway. The only difference is there is someone there to help me. But even then she isn't around half the time and I have to go find her somewhere, so I may as well be on my own. See I have all her patients and so she basically doesn't have to do much except what little I ask her about so she's always off somewhere talking to people. I think they should make them stay with the orientee because there are so many times I have questions and she's not around.
So this past weekend I was on my own but luckily the charge nurse Kevin was so kind and helpful to me. I don't know what I would have done without his help.
Then they had me orient at their other two facilities one night each. Oh my goodness, I LOVED their north location. It was so quiet. It's a lot smaller and it was just so peacefull. I'm at the main location and it's the largest and I swear it's like grand central station, even at night it feels like. So noisy. I have someone I know working over there and I told her to please let me know if a position comes up over there. I think a lot of people would like to work at that one so I don't know if that will all pan out.
I lost my first patient Saturday of last week. And I knew her son which made it even sadder. He was my high school basketball coach and I absolutely LOVED him. He was the sweetest person and his momma, the patient, was just as sweet. I see where he gets it from. I had her for the first time Friday and so then Saturday she stated having some issues. She went downhill after that. It was time for me to be gone because my shift was over but I was behind as usual and was doing my paperwork in the back when I hear a code blue called to her room. Everyone goes running down there including me. It was the first time I saw a code blue and CPR done on a live person. It was all very surreal. They worked on her for about an hour. The doctor couldn't call it because they brought her somewhat back and she would take spontaneous breaths. I went ahead and went home and stayed in contact via text. Before I left, I said goodbye to coach and wished him well because at that point I didn't know if she would live. It was all so awful. I came home and cried and cried.
I got I think 3 hours sleep total the whole weekend because I was so worried about everything. I would get home from my shift and think about all I had done. Did I forget to do anything. Did I do that right. And so I couldn't sleep. It was completely horrid. Please God, let it get better.
I go back Monday. I dread it so bad. I'm totally on my own from now on. But at least I'll get paid a little more.
Every day I want to quit. It's UNREAL the amount of stress I am dealing with and the shear exhaustion. I keep waiting for it to get better. They keep telling me it will get better.
I can't even enjoy my days off I'm so tired from my shifts. On my 3rd day off I'm starting to recover and then I have to go to work again and it all starts over again. It's a vicious cycle. My house is a wreck. I'm too tired to do anything. I hurt all over. I have a lot of physical issues that only get magnified being on my feet all day and not getting enough sleep. Sometimes when I get out of bed, it is so painful and it takes me awhile to be able to walk. I keep telling myself it could be worse, but it's so hard to be thankful when you have so many physical issues.
They kept pressuring me to come off of orientation, so even though I should have had another month, I agreed because I couldn't deal with it anymore. I mean I'm doing all the work anyway. The only difference is there is someone there to help me. But even then she isn't around half the time and I have to go find her somewhere, so I may as well be on my own. See I have all her patients and so she basically doesn't have to do much except what little I ask her about so she's always off somewhere talking to people. I think they should make them stay with the orientee because there are so many times I have questions and she's not around.
So this past weekend I was on my own but luckily the charge nurse Kevin was so kind and helpful to me. I don't know what I would have done without his help.
Then they had me orient at their other two facilities one night each. Oh my goodness, I LOVED their north location. It was so quiet. It's a lot smaller and it was just so peacefull. I'm at the main location and it's the largest and I swear it's like grand central station, even at night it feels like. So noisy. I have someone I know working over there and I told her to please let me know if a position comes up over there. I think a lot of people would like to work at that one so I don't know if that will all pan out.
I lost my first patient Saturday of last week. And I knew her son which made it even sadder. He was my high school basketball coach and I absolutely LOVED him. He was the sweetest person and his momma, the patient, was just as sweet. I see where he gets it from. I had her for the first time Friday and so then Saturday she stated having some issues. She went downhill after that. It was time for me to be gone because my shift was over but I was behind as usual and was doing my paperwork in the back when I hear a code blue called to her room. Everyone goes running down there including me. It was the first time I saw a code blue and CPR done on a live person. It was all very surreal. They worked on her for about an hour. The doctor couldn't call it because they brought her somewhat back and she would take spontaneous breaths. I went ahead and went home and stayed in contact via text. Before I left, I said goodbye to coach and wished him well because at that point I didn't know if she would live. It was all so awful. I came home and cried and cried.
I got I think 3 hours sleep total the whole weekend because I was so worried about everything. I would get home from my shift and think about all I had done. Did I forget to do anything. Did I do that right. And so I couldn't sleep. It was completely horrid. Please God, let it get better.
I go back Monday. I dread it so bad. I'm totally on my own from now on. But at least I'll get paid a little more.