To My Fawning and Devoted Male Admirers

[_emilydickinson]

I would not normally write a parody of a poem by someone else, mainly because I do not acknowledge that anyone apart from me has had any poetry published (by "anyone," I mean you, opheliablue).

However I thought I would lower my standards this time as I found it an amusing exercise. This is a parody of a poem by Anne Bradstreet (and by "Anne Bradstreet," I mean the real Anne Bradstreet, not LJ USER = ANNE_BRADSTREET) - *dies laughing*


To my Dear and Loving Husband

If ever two were one, then surely we.
If ever man were lov'd by wife, then thee.
If ever wife was happy in a man,
Compare with me ye women, if you can.
I prize thy love more than whole Mines of gold
Or all the riches that the East doth hold.
My love is such that Rivers cannot quench,
Nor ought but love from thee give recompence.
Thy love is such I can no way repay.
The heavens reward thee manifold, I pray.
Then while we live, in love let's so persever
That when we live no more, we may live ever.

- Anne Bradstreet


To my Fawning and Devoted Male Admirers

If ever one were sexy, then surely EmD.
If ever woman were desired by man, then me.
If ever girl had multiple orgasms -
Try to match me, ye women, but you can't.
I prize thy cucumbers more than any chickpeas,
Or all the grapes that the Tesco store doth hold.
My lust is such that no amount of sex can quench,
Thee ought to stay there tied to my bed forever.
Thy tongue is talented, I must say,
My mouth rewards thee many times, I'm sure.
Let us f*ck, in love or lust - whatEVER!
And when we're dead, let us meet again through LiveJournal.

- EmD-MC