Hey John, did things work out?
nope.
not even this time, when i needed it the most. i have made sacrifice after sacrifice and it turned out to be all for nothing. i've made alot of stupid mistakes in my life but this is by far the worst one yet. i tried to make things better but i only made things worse. things were already alot better before i came along. figures. i went to bed last night thinking about what they would be doing when they went to bed together. again. and i can't take much more of this. i am completely miserable. i have messed up so many things in these past couple of weeks without even meaning to. why the fuck did so many things have to go wrong?
i can't go back to where i was before, and i have no idea where or how to move forward. i'm stuck right here. will things get better? probably. but knowing my luck (or lack thereof) it's gonna be a while. i am so fucking sick of myself and all the things my head tells me. and all this thinking about things and talking about things isn't getting anything done. i can think my life away but without any action that all just goes to shit. what the fuck am i supposed to do? so maybe you actually are reading this and telling yourself that you hate when people think this way. maybe you are. but you know what? i can't fucking help but think this way because it's just who i am. it might be stupid but it's all that i have left. the lies are just getting worse and worse, and i know that the second i put my foot out the door that i'll be met with one lie or another. did honesty die and nobody bothered to tell me or something? i can't even bear to leave my room today. i don't think i'm gonna get out of the apartment until the show tonight. and then i need to get drunk, because maybe then my brain will leave me alone for a while. shit, everything else has left me alone.
not even this time, when i needed it the most. i have made sacrifice after sacrifice and it turned out to be all for nothing. i've made alot of stupid mistakes in my life but this is by far the worst one yet. i tried to make things better but i only made things worse. things were already alot better before i came along. figures. i went to bed last night thinking about what they would be doing when they went to bed together. again. and i can't take much more of this. i am completely miserable. i have messed up so many things in these past couple of weeks without even meaning to. why the fuck did so many things have to go wrong?
i can't go back to where i was before, and i have no idea where or how to move forward. i'm stuck right here. will things get better? probably. but knowing my luck (or lack thereof) it's gonna be a while. i am so fucking sick of myself and all the things my head tells me. and all this thinking about things and talking about things isn't getting anything done. i can think my life away but without any action that all just goes to shit. what the fuck am i supposed to do? so maybe you actually are reading this and telling yourself that you hate when people think this way. maybe you are. but you know what? i can't fucking help but think this way because it's just who i am. it might be stupid but it's all that i have left. the lies are just getting worse and worse, and i know that the second i put my foot out the door that i'll be met with one lie or another. did honesty die and nobody bothered to tell me or something? i can't even bear to leave my room today. i don't think i'm gonna get out of the apartment until the show tonight. and then i need to get drunk, because maybe then my brain will leave me alone for a while. shit, everything else has left me alone.