(no subject)
so i did what i had to do. and for a little while it felt really good,and i needed that. but then i find out that everyone was secretly wishing that i had never started it in the first place. why didn't anyone just tell me it was bad for me? do i not deserve the truth? i am so sick of being out of the loop of things and not knowing what the hell is going on until it is too late. i'm sick of being stuck in the middle of 2 sides and hearing constant talk about the other side. i'm sick of holding my head in my hands constantly. i feel wronged and cheated and i don't even know where i went wrong. for the past two months my friends have been talking about me behind my back about all the bad decisions i've made. i know no one wanted to see me hurt or anything, but i guess it was bound to happen eventually, and that eventually is right now. i thought i made people proud, but now i found out that all it was was disappointment. i would love some honesty even if the truth sucks, because finding out about the lies sucks even more.
I AM A GOOD PERSON. i'm really trying to be. but apparently i have made alot of bad choices which i did with the best intentions, and it all went wrong in an instant. i wish i could get through to her. i wish she didn't do these things to herself. i wish she listened to me, and could stand talking to me without talking to someone else. i wish she cared about me the way i care about her, like everyone else says she does. i wish my head could stand what my heart keeps yelling for. and i wish i didn't have to rely on other people in order to make a decision. but these are all just wishes. and i'm really scared that that's all they will ever be. i used to be happy with myself. now... i'm not so sure.
i'm lost, and i have no idea where to turn.
I AM A GOOD PERSON. i'm really trying to be. but apparently i have made alot of bad choices which i did with the best intentions, and it all went wrong in an instant. i wish i could get through to her. i wish she didn't do these things to herself. i wish she listened to me, and could stand talking to me without talking to someone else. i wish she cared about me the way i care about her, like everyone else says she does. i wish my head could stand what my heart keeps yelling for. and i wish i didn't have to rely on other people in order to make a decision. but these are all just wishes. and i'm really scared that that's all they will ever be. i used to be happy with myself. now... i'm not so sure.
i'm lost, and i have no idea where to turn.