Tossers.
Distressing signs that Walk The Line, James Mangold's fizzy and superbly acted biopic of Johnny Cash, might be the next March of the Penguins - a cause celebre for a political ideology that hasn't seen the film, and doesn't really know what it's about, but wants to perfect its sterling impersonation of a drowning man clutching at straws. Here, in the interests of balance, are five reasons why Christian conservatives shouldn't support Walk The Line:
1. The soundtrack frequently makes use of reverb effects, highlighted as the most anti-Christian of studio effects by Billy Graham in response to a 1966 query about the dangerous rise of Herman's Hermits.
2. June Carter's house has Halloween lanterns outside it in one scene, thereby proving that everyone involved in the production of the movie hates Christ and wants to do to Christians what the Nazis did to Christians and others.
3. At several points in the movie, Carrie Cash has a beehive haircut that clearly goes against God's word.
4. Furthermore, the wearer of the blasphemous haircut is played by Shelby Lynne, a rumoured Satanic gayanist. Christians should feel free to make themselves look ridiculous with another End of the Spear controversy, before firebombing her house with love and tolerance.
5. It's about a man who abuses pills and alcohol and cheats on his wife while singing about killing people, you stupid cunts.
1. The soundtrack frequently makes use of reverb effects, highlighted as the most anti-Christian of studio effects by Billy Graham in response to a 1966 query about the dangerous rise of Herman's Hermits.
2. June Carter's house has Halloween lanterns outside it in one scene, thereby proving that everyone involved in the production of the movie hates Christ and wants to do to Christians what the Nazis did to Christians and others.
3. At several points in the movie, Carrie Cash has a beehive haircut that clearly goes against God's word.
4. Furthermore, the wearer of the blasphemous haircut is played by Shelby Lynne, a rumoured Satanic gayanist. Christians should feel free to make themselves look ridiculous with another End of the Spear controversy, before firebombing her house with love and tolerance.
5. It's about a man who abuses pills and alcohol and cheats on his wife while singing about killing people, you stupid cunts.