(no subject)
so i'm sitting on my bed trying to decide which classes to take in the spring. all the classes i'm signing up for are classes i feel i am forced to take and the classes that i want to take are those i can't because of timing and prerequisites. i don't know what i want to do in life and i'm sorta freaking out now. i feel like i have to make my decision now or else i'll be wasting college tuition taking classes i don't even like. i cant really say i thoroughly enjoy any of them now. i am taking french 204 which makes me hate french with a passion. philosophical perspectives is just another class i have to trudge through to finish my gen ed. and so is chemistry (=death). calculus is the only class i would say i don't mind going to because it's easy and i understand everything. i hate feeling so grown up. i just want to be in high school again. i wish i could re-live it so i could do things differently. i want to go back and fuck around. i don't think i had a memorable high school experience as much as i had hoped for.
i feel aimless, disinterested. maybe it's because of the school. i feel homesick all the time. i miss everyone and everything in new york city. i even marked my calendar to count the days until spring break. i am tired and restless. i dont want to go to school anymore. i feel miserable here. maybe it's the weather? i don't think so. i just don't like school.
on another note, i went to a party with emo, anna rose and dusty last night. i saw people that i knew and a person that i wish i never knew. it was nice because i talked to people who i would've never talked to extensively. i talked to some kid in my math class and even after spending almost two quarters in the same class, i was surprised that i never even knew his name. unfortunately, i saw crazed weirdo kid too at the party and he even interrupted my conversation with the math person. it's funny how i've only been here for almost 6 months and already, i have a list of people i purposely avoid. maybe i'm just the weirdo but i dont know, i get weird vibes from people and then i avoid them. later on, when i went outside to the terrist, i saw my former french teacher, etienne. hahaha. he is the most gorgeous french teacher ever. it was weird having a conversation with him at a party while having a cigarette. i totally accidentally blew smoke in his face. it was bad. i was already a bit hammered. we ended up talking for a good portion of the night. it was nice to see him though, i really liked him as a teacher and he's just such an interesting person to talk to. i loved how he knew my references when i spoke about nyc and how he would tell me crazy stories about him and his french ways. although i despised his class, he is so great to talk to. it just sucks that i could never be on the same level as him, being a friend that he would have to hang out with. i hope i don't sound crazed.. i dont mean that because hes cute, but because he just seems like an awesome person to chill with and party with.
anyway... its late and this entry has been extensive.
i feel aimless, disinterested. maybe it's because of the school. i feel homesick all the time. i miss everyone and everything in new york city. i even marked my calendar to count the days until spring break. i am tired and restless. i dont want to go to school anymore. i feel miserable here. maybe it's the weather? i don't think so. i just don't like school.
on another note, i went to a party with emo, anna rose and dusty last night. i saw people that i knew and a person that i wish i never knew. it was nice because i talked to people who i would've never talked to extensively. i talked to some kid in my math class and even after spending almost two quarters in the same class, i was surprised that i never even knew his name. unfortunately, i saw crazed weirdo kid too at the party and he even interrupted my conversation with the math person. it's funny how i've only been here for almost 6 months and already, i have a list of people i purposely avoid. maybe i'm just the weirdo but i dont know, i get weird vibes from people and then i avoid them. later on, when i went outside to the terrist, i saw my former french teacher, etienne. hahaha. he is the most gorgeous french teacher ever. it was weird having a conversation with him at a party while having a cigarette. i totally accidentally blew smoke in his face. it was bad. i was already a bit hammered. we ended up talking for a good portion of the night. it was nice to see him though, i really liked him as a teacher and he's just such an interesting person to talk to. i loved how he knew my references when i spoke about nyc and how he would tell me crazy stories about him and his french ways. although i despised his class, he is so great to talk to. it just sucks that i could never be on the same level as him, being a friend that he would have to hang out with. i hope i don't sound crazed.. i dont mean that because hes cute, but because he just seems like an awesome person to chill with and party with.
anyway... its late and this entry has been extensive.