i know we're just as cool, and cool kids belong together...
so i dyed my hair dark brown today. yep i did. no more red streak for me. too much work, really, to keep it up. that and i wanted the dark hair to hide behind. well. now i've got it. so, everyone make an effort to see it before i go and change it again :-)
last night made me really fucking frustrated. and i know it shouldn't have...but it did. and for details. well. one of you knows them, and the rest of you will have to sit and wonder. ha.
jay made me a copy of the yeah yeah yeah's fever to tell, and, well, i don't really remember why i didn't like this band. i really like this record...there's a few songs on here i'd have written, verbatim. it just...i don't know. i tend to be really judgmental and skeptical about female musicians ( i know. i know. i am one. don't remind me.) and really, other than sleater-kinney and some ooioo...i don't listen to many chicks. well. ya know what? i was wrong about this record. its fucking awesome.
my head hurts.
i woke up this morning and felt so empty. just. exhausted by the prospect of getting up and going to do things. alienated by walking out the door. bitten by the cold before i'd even wrenched back the covers to discover that in my drunken state i managed to get all my clothes off and leave half my jewelry on. that’s me...but i woke up feeling like a small piece of me had died, and i don't know why, it hasn't, no one has died in the last..oh...week. so that wasn't it. and i think i know what it was. and i don't think i want to think about it because it'll just drive me nuts. and ya know what, it is anyway.
i like the new bright eyes record too, the black one, the title of which i have completely forgotten. but, i'd burn it, i wouldn't buy it. its just...not THAT good.
i'm remembering myself a year ago...and i miss her. and i don't. i miss the innocence. the loss. the sadness that i carried at a little more of a distance. the way i couldn't cry even if you punched me in the nose. how in love i wasn't with todd. that ten minute realization of, god, you are not my rockstar, and the five after that reconciling that one day i'd find him, and until then...why not let it ride. i remember having that moment, leaned against the wall in the hallway of the house on 8th, surrounded by people equally drunk and drugged out, surveying humanity against todd, remembering that i was in a place where i felt perfectly at home, and he, he was lost and confused and slightly disgusted. that was when i knew it would never work. its bizarre, how life works, how paths cross.
i get so tired, trying to reconcile what i want to do with what i have to do. i hate that.
i have to go do work.
i have no desire to do so.
i will probably get a very bad grade in my 18th cent. lit. class, in which i took an incomplete last semester because i slacked so hard in that class it was actually comical to both myself and my worthless human being of a professor. all that work is due tomorrow. i am not yet done with the majority of it. and instead of doing it, i went out drinking with my friends...and ya know what, thats the decision i'll probably always make. because really, people, interaction, smiling and laughing and being with people who rock will always trump the misery of literature by a bunch of dead white guys. fuck that.
i'm going to go do work now.
night.
xo.
last night made me really fucking frustrated. and i know it shouldn't have...but it did. and for details. well. one of you knows them, and the rest of you will have to sit and wonder. ha.
jay made me a copy of the yeah yeah yeah's fever to tell, and, well, i don't really remember why i didn't like this band. i really like this record...there's a few songs on here i'd have written, verbatim. it just...i don't know. i tend to be really judgmental and skeptical about female musicians ( i know. i know. i am one. don't remind me.) and really, other than sleater-kinney and some ooioo...i don't listen to many chicks. well. ya know what? i was wrong about this record. its fucking awesome.
my head hurts.
i woke up this morning and felt so empty. just. exhausted by the prospect of getting up and going to do things. alienated by walking out the door. bitten by the cold before i'd even wrenched back the covers to discover that in my drunken state i managed to get all my clothes off and leave half my jewelry on. that’s me...but i woke up feeling like a small piece of me had died, and i don't know why, it hasn't, no one has died in the last..oh...week. so that wasn't it. and i think i know what it was. and i don't think i want to think about it because it'll just drive me nuts. and ya know what, it is anyway.
i like the new bright eyes record too, the black one, the title of which i have completely forgotten. but, i'd burn it, i wouldn't buy it. its just...not THAT good.
i'm remembering myself a year ago...and i miss her. and i don't. i miss the innocence. the loss. the sadness that i carried at a little more of a distance. the way i couldn't cry even if you punched me in the nose. how in love i wasn't with todd. that ten minute realization of, god, you are not my rockstar, and the five after that reconciling that one day i'd find him, and until then...why not let it ride. i remember having that moment, leaned against the wall in the hallway of the house on 8th, surrounded by people equally drunk and drugged out, surveying humanity against todd, remembering that i was in a place where i felt perfectly at home, and he, he was lost and confused and slightly disgusted. that was when i knew it would never work. its bizarre, how life works, how paths cross.
i get so tired, trying to reconcile what i want to do with what i have to do. i hate that.
i have to go do work.
i have no desire to do so.
i will probably get a very bad grade in my 18th cent. lit. class, in which i took an incomplete last semester because i slacked so hard in that class it was actually comical to both myself and my worthless human being of a professor. all that work is due tomorrow. i am not yet done with the majority of it. and instead of doing it, i went out drinking with my friends...and ya know what, thats the decision i'll probably always make. because really, people, interaction, smiling and laughing and being with people who rock will always trump the misery of literature by a bunch of dead white guys. fuck that.
i'm going to go do work now.
night.
xo.