On second thought, i'll be fine...
Any day that I don't kill myself is a good day, I suppose.
Unfortunately today wasn't one of those days.
If you subscribe to the infinite universe theory, then in that moment the other version of myself died, and when it happened, I think I felt it.
I made my decision before I even touched the gun. I decided that I wasn't going to do it. But I still wanted to see what my luck would be like if I did. I emptied the cylinder, made sure all six chambers were unloaded. I took one round, .357 hollowpoint, and I loaded it into the cylinder. I checked it again. Five empty chambers, one loaded. I closed my eyes, spun the cylinder, let it come to rest on its own, then closed it, and locked it in. The other me didn't even look. I did though. I opened my eyes and there it was. The edge of a tarnished piece of brass sitting next in line. Primer ready to be ignited. Bullet ready to be fired. She didn't do it right away. I felt my heart skip a beat when I saw the position of the round, but that's not the moment it happened. We both walked to the couch and sat down. That's when she died. She probably slumped over and fell on the floor, her blood soaking into the carpet. I just layed down on the couch and closed my eyes. I started feeling all sorts of emotions. At first, it was just calm for a while. Then I felt fear, anger, love, all in a matter of moments. Then confusion. What the fuck just happened. It felt like I was dreaming, but I was still awake. I could still feel the wetness of my hair from the shower I just took, I could hear the music playing from the speakers in the hallway. I felt dead, and alive, at the same time.
Now i've got things to do. I've got to print off some paperwork, I've got to make some phone calls, I've got to clean the kitchen.
The other me just has to keep bleeding until someone finds her.
I wonder if the other neighbors heard it. I wonder if the other cops are already at the other house.
I think I might be going crazy.
Unfortunately today wasn't one of those days.
If you subscribe to the infinite universe theory, then in that moment the other version of myself died, and when it happened, I think I felt it.
I made my decision before I even touched the gun. I decided that I wasn't going to do it. But I still wanted to see what my luck would be like if I did. I emptied the cylinder, made sure all six chambers were unloaded. I took one round, .357 hollowpoint, and I loaded it into the cylinder. I checked it again. Five empty chambers, one loaded. I closed my eyes, spun the cylinder, let it come to rest on its own, then closed it, and locked it in. The other me didn't even look. I did though. I opened my eyes and there it was. The edge of a tarnished piece of brass sitting next in line. Primer ready to be ignited. Bullet ready to be fired. She didn't do it right away. I felt my heart skip a beat when I saw the position of the round, but that's not the moment it happened. We both walked to the couch and sat down. That's when she died. She probably slumped over and fell on the floor, her blood soaking into the carpet. I just layed down on the couch and closed my eyes. I started feeling all sorts of emotions. At first, it was just calm for a while. Then I felt fear, anger, love, all in a matter of moments. Then confusion. What the fuck just happened. It felt like I was dreaming, but I was still awake. I could still feel the wetness of my hair from the shower I just took, I could hear the music playing from the speakers in the hallway. I felt dead, and alive, at the same time.
Now i've got things to do. I've got to print off some paperwork, I've got to make some phone calls, I've got to clean the kitchen.
The other me just has to keep bleeding until someone finds her.
I wonder if the other neighbors heard it. I wonder if the other cops are already at the other house.
I think I might be going crazy.