Only See Miles of Heaven
beautiful things...
it's a frightening realization, that i am lost, more and more with each passing day. the creation of insanity, the need to be unhappy. and i doubt i can escape this desire for self sabotage for some time. there's so much that i feel at this moment. guilt most of all.
when does one come to deserve the right to happiness? when can u stop beating yourself up for things that you cannot change? a train of thoughts float by, not being able to manifest itself in any reasonable way. trapped in a dream.
how can i let it all go? i'm sick of reminding myself that i'm the cause of every disaster, that everything that goes wrong is inevitably always my fault. sitting here with this blank expression, i can' remember what it felt like to be absolved for my sins. there's so much that i'd rather forget. the freedom of abandonment in innocence and naivety. feeling like no one quite knows the mess in my mind, only i can remind myself to repent.
it's been hard. yet, at the same time, fortunate. as i sit here wrapped in pat's jacket with the sweet scent of cologne breezing by, maybe it's time i finally forgave myself.
it's a frightening realization, that i am lost, more and more with each passing day. the creation of insanity, the need to be unhappy. and i doubt i can escape this desire for self sabotage for some time. there's so much that i feel at this moment. guilt most of all.
when does one come to deserve the right to happiness? when can u stop beating yourself up for things that you cannot change? a train of thoughts float by, not being able to manifest itself in any reasonable way. trapped in a dream.
how can i let it all go? i'm sick of reminding myself that i'm the cause of every disaster, that everything that goes wrong is inevitably always my fault. sitting here with this blank expression, i can' remember what it felt like to be absolved for my sins. there's so much that i'd rather forget. the freedom of abandonment in innocence and naivety. feeling like no one quite knows the mess in my mind, only i can remind myself to repent.
it's been hard. yet, at the same time, fortunate. as i sit here wrapped in pat's jacket with the sweet scent of cologne breezing by, maybe it's time i finally forgave myself.