Past Tense
I searched for my old LJ account and read my ancient posts. They're all longer and a lot more emo-er than my posts now and I'm still figuring out if that's a good thing. I tried to figure out why my blog-writing style changed and this is what I've come up with: My posts now are shorter and a lot less open and creative because 1.)Now, I'm more considered with what other people think. 2.) I've got a lot more problems now and none of them are as simple as my problems before.
Basically, I've grown a lot more CONSCIOUS and gehd I HATE IT! I miss not caring because I didn't know any better! I miss being myself! I miss my original style of writing that was a bit weird but at least it made up for all that because it really came from me and it was really what I wanted to say! Now I just post things for the sake of posting things, to let people know that I'm not a dead rat under a tire. I guess I was so affected by people commenting on other bloggers, saying, "Oh she's such a pretentious writer" or "Ang weird naman ng sinulat niya" or "What's her problem?" So now I'm going to post my past entries as a testament that I am going back to my old ways, that from now on everything I post will be exactly what I want to say, not just cheap gibbering the only redeeming factor of which is that it makes sense. I AM GOING TO POST SENSELESS ENTRIES, lots and lots of senseless entries!!!! At the end of the day , it's only by sifting through the nonsense that you start making sense of yourself.
Read the stuff...it's pretty interesting, if inane.
14 February 2006 @ 08:50 pm
i just ate too much chocolate.
FINALLY, tapos na. Meihgad i am relieved. I feel like a whole new person. The world is brighter and just absolutely lovely lovely. I have decided it may not be my THING after all. I'm more of the let go passion person. Oh winds take me to your destination. I only do something organize-y when the only way to get where I want is to do it.
Come to think of it, there are a lot of things that have ended. SophNite. My term as BR (almost). Florante at Laura. The whole fugging schoolyear. Haaaaay..All I can say is THAT WAS QUICK.
I really had fun.
Right now the moon is majesty and we are her subjects.
Fugg can't a guy think straight?
Fugg I want to meet him. I REALLY want to meet him. You don't know who I'm talking about do you?
Fuggity FuGG FUgg.
I want to make more pseudo-badwords. Tis fun.
Haah...I feel just so blah. I printed out plant cross sections for over a hundred bucks. I'm still wearing my uniform and this guy I vaguely recognize just came in and I'm thinking about what fun it would be to just sleep right now and forget about all the humiliating things I've done and all the people who are unconsciously offending me.
Shiyet I just passed Grands. Wooptidaaay!
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy...
Oohhh...that Lion King theme song is playing.
"Caaan't you feeel the looooove tonight?"
Its Elton John. He's gay. And he's asking me if I can feel the love tonight. Eeww.
FUGGGGGG!
Why can't I be NORMAL??
Okay you might think I'm exaggerating but if you KNEW me, you'd know that I'm pretty FUGGEd up.
Only my sis knows how fugged up I am.
An idea just struck me. Who's normal anyway? What if normal was just a facade that everyone wears? Whatever.
Grrr. No one wants me to be me. Even I don't want myself to be me.
03 February 2006 @ 11:59 pm
re: Dead Poets are more alive than the guys that exist today
For shame! This entry is about guys.
Yes. Just let me filter all this bad sentiment out of me.
There are no more worthy guys. Worthy guys are no more. Guys who actually have values and understand meaning and know what you're talking about just don't exist anymore. They're all just gameboy, cellphone, EGG and their little lives. Guys who are sincere and will stand up for you are but dreams that will fade as soon as you wake. No one does sweet, daring things anymore. It's a death, a tragedy. Let us all sing a requiem!
This is the fault of DEAD POETS SOCIETY. Once you've seen the guys there, you won't ask for more. I wish I lived in the 1950's. Is there no poet out there? All of us are poets really. The good words are deep inside us. Problem is, all the crap is on top so we have to get rid of that first. I think I'm half way through MY crap.
Xavier fair tom. So many guys, none of them any good. Sorry to be manhater right now. I'm just blinking back the tears of DPS. Just trying to erase the memory of what I wish I had. Ahhh..tis but a picture beside the window. Something you only look at, no touch.
Let me eat my fill
then I can suffer what is there to suffer
But first, let me eat my fill
The woman flew out of the picture. Quickly she dropped her basket of apples and as I watched them round and golden rolling on the tiles she covered my eyes with her lemonsweet-smelling hands and took me away. Away we went to her picture on the wall, we lived a life and that was all.
Oh there is a poet inside you. Find him find him and give him a pen. But a poet need not write to be a poet. What is a poet? A poet is one who sees beauty and attempts to translate it. Translate whatever wonder you see. Whatever rose, whatever awesome-smelling scent or vein-invigorating experience. Their is beauty in the world yet and if you allow your eyes to see it, it will TRANSCEND you.
27 January 2006 @ 09:32 pm
re: re
Ang daming nangyayari sa buhay ko. I'm not sure if it's good or bad. I'm not flaunting it. I'm just saying it like it is, like Brian Slade in Velvet Goldmine the grooviest movie ever made despite the horrific Ewan MgGregor-Christian Bale sex scenes.
Back to my life. Life is magnificent. That's the only way to describe it. Some people say the word "magnificent" is a compliment, a nice adjective. I think otherwise. Magnificent can mean something bad as well. What IS constant with magnificence is that it connotes MAGNITUDE, something in excess, something big and happening. That's life. It's bigger than itself. It's too great, too colossal to think of it as something which is either good or bad. It's there. It's everywhere. It just IS.
I don't know if I've arrived at the Crossroads. Many people identify this pivotal moment in their lives that molded them and their future forever. This is impossible for me because I consider every decision-making moment to be pivotal. Every moment like this is a Crossroads for me because little or big, they caused CHANGE and that's the only requirement for something to be considered pivotal.
I'm talking in abstract waves here. But I prefer it that way. Abstraction. The ultimate disguise because it can very well be taken as artistic expression. The best excuse. One I use every time and for very different scenarios.
Art. That irrepressible, capricious, unreachable maid whom all try vainly to pursue and in so doing lose themselves and their principles and end up as fools, but fools who cherish and value their new state of degress. The pursuit is deadly, illusory, both adjectives the cause and effect of one another. Art is maker, renewer and destroyer all rolled up in an untameable mass.
Ahhh.
Prick me and let the issuing drop of blood remind me that all things beautiful cause pain.
What is aesthetics, can someone tell me? It's just something made up isn't it? A naked woman is a masterpiece to us, to cows its just another animal with tits.
Tell me I didn't type that.
Basically, I've grown a lot more CONSCIOUS and gehd I HATE IT! I miss not caring because I didn't know any better! I miss being myself! I miss my original style of writing that was a bit weird but at least it made up for all that because it really came from me and it was really what I wanted to say! Now I just post things for the sake of posting things, to let people know that I'm not a dead rat under a tire. I guess I was so affected by people commenting on other bloggers, saying, "Oh she's such a pretentious writer" or "Ang weird naman ng sinulat niya" or "What's her problem?" So now I'm going to post my past entries as a testament that I am going back to my old ways, that from now on everything I post will be exactly what I want to say, not just cheap gibbering the only redeeming factor of which is that it makes sense. I AM GOING TO POST SENSELESS ENTRIES, lots and lots of senseless entries!!!! At the end of the day , it's only by sifting through the nonsense that you start making sense of yourself.
Read the stuff...it's pretty interesting, if inane.
14 February 2006 @ 08:50 pm
i just ate too much chocolate.
FINALLY, tapos na. Meihgad i am relieved. I feel like a whole new person. The world is brighter and just absolutely lovely lovely. I have decided it may not be my THING after all. I'm more of the let go passion person. Oh winds take me to your destination. I only do something organize-y when the only way to get where I want is to do it.
Come to think of it, there are a lot of things that have ended. SophNite. My term as BR (almost). Florante at Laura. The whole fugging schoolyear. Haaaaay..All I can say is THAT WAS QUICK.
I really had fun.
Right now the moon is majesty and we are her subjects.
Fugg can't a guy think straight?
Fugg I want to meet him. I REALLY want to meet him. You don't know who I'm talking about do you?
Fuggity FuGG FUgg.
I want to make more pseudo-badwords. Tis fun.
Haah...I feel just so blah. I printed out plant cross sections for over a hundred bucks. I'm still wearing my uniform and this guy I vaguely recognize just came in and I'm thinking about what fun it would be to just sleep right now and forget about all the humiliating things I've done and all the people who are unconsciously offending me.
Shiyet I just passed Grands. Wooptidaaay!
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy...
Oohhh...that Lion King theme song is playing.
"Caaan't you feeel the looooove tonight?"
Its Elton John. He's gay. And he's asking me if I can feel the love tonight. Eeww.
FUGGGGGG!
Why can't I be NORMAL??
Okay you might think I'm exaggerating but if you KNEW me, you'd know that I'm pretty FUGGEd up.
Only my sis knows how fugged up I am.
An idea just struck me. Who's normal anyway? What if normal was just a facade that everyone wears? Whatever.
Grrr. No one wants me to be me. Even I don't want myself to be me.
03 February 2006 @ 11:59 pm
re: Dead Poets are more alive than the guys that exist today
For shame! This entry is about guys.
Yes. Just let me filter all this bad sentiment out of me.
There are no more worthy guys. Worthy guys are no more. Guys who actually have values and understand meaning and know what you're talking about just don't exist anymore. They're all just gameboy, cellphone, EGG and their little lives. Guys who are sincere and will stand up for you are but dreams that will fade as soon as you wake. No one does sweet, daring things anymore. It's a death, a tragedy. Let us all sing a requiem!
This is the fault of DEAD POETS SOCIETY. Once you've seen the guys there, you won't ask for more. I wish I lived in the 1950's. Is there no poet out there? All of us are poets really. The good words are deep inside us. Problem is, all the crap is on top so we have to get rid of that first. I think I'm half way through MY crap.
Xavier fair tom. So many guys, none of them any good. Sorry to be manhater right now. I'm just blinking back the tears of DPS. Just trying to erase the memory of what I wish I had. Ahhh..tis but a picture beside the window. Something you only look at, no touch.
Let me eat my fill
then I can suffer what is there to suffer
But first, let me eat my fill
The woman flew out of the picture. Quickly she dropped her basket of apples and as I watched them round and golden rolling on the tiles she covered my eyes with her lemonsweet-smelling hands and took me away. Away we went to her picture on the wall, we lived a life and that was all.
Oh there is a poet inside you. Find him find him and give him a pen. But a poet need not write to be a poet. What is a poet? A poet is one who sees beauty and attempts to translate it. Translate whatever wonder you see. Whatever rose, whatever awesome-smelling scent or vein-invigorating experience. Their is beauty in the world yet and if you allow your eyes to see it, it will TRANSCEND you.
27 January 2006 @ 09:32 pm
re: re
Ang daming nangyayari sa buhay ko. I'm not sure if it's good or bad. I'm not flaunting it. I'm just saying it like it is, like Brian Slade in Velvet Goldmine the grooviest movie ever made despite the horrific Ewan MgGregor-Christian Bale sex scenes.
Back to my life. Life is magnificent. That's the only way to describe it. Some people say the word "magnificent" is a compliment, a nice adjective. I think otherwise. Magnificent can mean something bad as well. What IS constant with magnificence is that it connotes MAGNITUDE, something in excess, something big and happening. That's life. It's bigger than itself. It's too great, too colossal to think of it as something which is either good or bad. It's there. It's everywhere. It just IS.
I don't know if I've arrived at the Crossroads. Many people identify this pivotal moment in their lives that molded them and their future forever. This is impossible for me because I consider every decision-making moment to be pivotal. Every moment like this is a Crossroads for me because little or big, they caused CHANGE and that's the only requirement for something to be considered pivotal.
I'm talking in abstract waves here. But I prefer it that way. Abstraction. The ultimate disguise because it can very well be taken as artistic expression. The best excuse. One I use every time and for very different scenarios.
Art. That irrepressible, capricious, unreachable maid whom all try vainly to pursue and in so doing lose themselves and their principles and end up as fools, but fools who cherish and value their new state of degress. The pursuit is deadly, illusory, both adjectives the cause and effect of one another. Art is maker, renewer and destroyer all rolled up in an untameable mass.
Ahhh.
Prick me and let the issuing drop of blood remind me that all things beautiful cause pain.
What is aesthetics, can someone tell me? It's just something made up isn't it? A naked woman is a masterpiece to us, to cows its just another animal with tits.
Tell me I didn't type that.