I just don't know what to do with myself.
Matt has been in Europe for I think about two years now and it's been horrible. Ok. I'm exaggerating. It hasn't been two years, it's only been like a month I think. Might as well be two years, that's what it feels like. Needless to say I miss him very, very much and he's not going to be back for another month. I was doing good the first couple of weeks thinking, "Hey, you can do this. No problem." But then the anxiety creeped in and I started to panic and freaking out, acting like he was gone forever and I'd never talk to him again. You may think I'm being overly dramatic but when you talk to someone every day for almost four years and they go away for two months you start going through several emotions. Biggest ones are withdrawal and of course me missing him immensely. He lives in Virginia and I live in South Carolina and I talk to him more than I talk to anyone that lives here. When you have access to someone every day for four years you start to take that for granted and you think things will never change and when they do you feel like your world has completely changed. It's not a very good feeling and I want him to come back now but I know he's having fun and so I will try and wait patiently even though "patient" is not in my vocabulary. Let's just say I'm pretty sure I won't take him for granted ever again. Lesson learned now come home.
I got my schedule for fall semester yesterday. I have math Mondays and Wednesdays from 7:30pm-9:00pm and Sociology Tuesdays and Thursdays from 7:30pm-9:00pm. I'm super excited to be going back to school. I'm such a dork I know. I feel so guilty and hate the fact that I will be away from Carson four nights out of the week and I won't be able to put her to bed and read a book to her and tuck her in and give her a kiss and hug goodnight. I just have to keep reminding myself that I have to do this and that in the long run it'll be the best thing for her and for me. The little time I'll get to spend with her will just have to be that much more awesome.
In a few weeks I'm going to Tennessee to go to my cousin's wedding and I'm so excited. Ninety-eight percent of my family up there has never met Carson and the one person I can't wait for her to meet is my grandfather. I was always his favorite, he'd do anything for me and I haven't seen him since before I had Carson and knowing I'm going to be seeing him in a few weeks just makes me so giddy. I love this man more than life itself. I haven't even been to Tennessee in more than three years and have no idea when I'll get the chance to go back so I'm going to enjoy every second of it. My dad wants my mom, Carson, and me to stay with him and his wife girlfriend. (I just found out a couple of weeks ago he's been divorced from her for the past five years even though they're still together. My family is so country.) I don't really care to stay with them because I don't like her. I know she hates me and she tries to be nice to me but I know it's only for my dad's sake. I would much rather stay with my grandparents but I know I'll have to stay with my dad at least one night.
I need Matthew. :(
I got my schedule for fall semester yesterday. I have math Mondays and Wednesdays from 7:30pm-9:00pm and Sociology Tuesdays and Thursdays from 7:30pm-9:00pm. I'm super excited to be going back to school. I'm such a dork I know. I feel so guilty and hate the fact that I will be away from Carson four nights out of the week and I won't be able to put her to bed and read a book to her and tuck her in and give her a kiss and hug goodnight. I just have to keep reminding myself that I have to do this and that in the long run it'll be the best thing for her and for me. The little time I'll get to spend with her will just have to be that much more awesome.
In a few weeks I'm going to Tennessee to go to my cousin's wedding and I'm so excited. Ninety-eight percent of my family up there has never met Carson and the one person I can't wait for her to meet is my grandfather. I was always his favorite, he'd do anything for me and I haven't seen him since before I had Carson and knowing I'm going to be seeing him in a few weeks just makes me so giddy. I love this man more than life itself. I haven't even been to Tennessee in more than three years and have no idea when I'll get the chance to go back so I'm going to enjoy every second of it. My dad wants my mom, Carson, and me to stay with him and his wife girlfriend. (I just found out a couple of weeks ago he's been divorced from her for the past five years even though they're still together. My family is so country.) I don't really care to stay with them because I don't like her. I know she hates me and she tries to be nice to me but I know it's only for my dad's sake. I would much rather stay with my grandparents but I know I'll have to stay with my dad at least one night.
I need Matthew. :(