Not Entirely Human Error - Part 11
Hooray for me! Less than a month between updates! Sheesh!
TITLE: Not Entirely Human Error - Part 11
AUTHOR: parkermonster
PAIRING: House/Chase
RATING: PG-13+
WARNINGS: Major angst alert!! Also, your mom would wash out your mouth with soap for using some of the language here.
NOTES: Spoilers for Human Error, and everything that leads up to that
SUMMARY: Chase is getting it together,and House is making life more complicated, whether Chase likes it or not. And right now, it sucks.
DISCLAIMER: He doesn’t belong to me. Why is keeping Chase alive our job? There’s still a chance to pull this season out of the toilet, PTB. Don’t eff it up!
RIDICULOUSLY EXCESSIVE AUTHOR’S NOTES: Wow, this one was a bitch. For those who have stuck with me through the sloooow updates, I love you all and I assure you that the story is mostly written (although, sadly, my frazzled self can’t promise to update faster - I’ll try, though). The story will have around 17 chapters total. The good news is, this extended scene is pretty much the end of the angst, ‘cause I want (and I bet you want) House and Chase working and snarking together again ASAP. I just can’t see Chase jumping at the opportunity without a little catharsis first, though.
Oh, and in the spirit of full disclosure, there’s a hint of song!fic here. ::small voice:: Also, there are references to the prequel story, “All I Want For Christmas Is You”, which can be found here.
Oh, and link to Part 1 and the previous chapter.
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Part 11
“It’s been a bad day, please don’t take a picture.” R.E.M.
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By the time Chase finally made it home, he barely had the energy to toss his bag onto the kitchen table and collapse horizontally onto his sofa. He knew he needed to eat something, but he was just too damn tired after a 36 hour shift. It had been a rough one, too. The ICU had received four new patients courtesy of a three-car pileup on Route 1 during the fog last night, and despite everyone’s best efforts, only two of the patients were still alive and neither of them would be leaving the ICU anytime soon, assuming they survived. Another victim hadn't even made it from the ER to the ICU. Christ, a van full of kids and no one could be bothered to belt in.
He wanted to sleep, but he was still too keyed up, so he grabbed the remote for the stereo from the coffee table and started thinking about something to suit his mood. Thank God for remotes and CD changers. Turned out that was money well-spent. As he waited for music to start he remembered that he had loaded the player with retro stuff the last time he’d actually had a few minutes to listen. First up was The Ramones, and while “I Wanna Be Sedated” seemed like a reasonable sentiment, the raucous sound definitely didn’t match his melancholy mood. R.E.M.? Better, but this was their early stuff, and it always drove him crazy that he couldn’t quite make out the words. Ah, Kasey Chambers. For some reason Foreman had once grilled Chase on his musical tastes, and wouldn’t that have gotten him ridiculed if everyone (…House…) knew he liked country music. Finally he settled on his Joni Mitchell CD. A woman he dated years ago had played Mitchell constantly and he had always been a sucker for a ‘soprano and a piano’.
He settled back to let the sound just wash over him, but as he was trying to drift off, his attention was drawn back by the lyrics.
Carey, get out your cane
I’ll put on my finest silver
Oh, you’re a mean old daddy, but I like you
Wonderful, he thought. House is following me everywhere. Just what I needed. He shut off the music with the remote and rolled over to bury his face in the sofa cushions, trying to will the world to go away.
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He woke with a start at the rapping at the door. Christ, what time is it? he thought groggily. A quick check revealed it was just after midnight. Who the fuck is bothering me at this hour?
A muffled but all-too-familiar voice came through the door in answer. “Open up in there. Don’t make me use my mad break-in skillz.”
Chase groaned and scrubbed his hands across his face. What did I do to deserve this? He has to know I was on a long shift.
“Go away, House,” he finally called out. “This is exactly the wrong time to be here.”
“What, you got a girl in there?” was the response.
“Yeah, right. It’s late, I’m tired, and I don’t want to talk to you.”
“I get all that, but it’s impooooortant. I need a consultation on a case.”
“Bullshit. Go hire a team and leave me alone.”
“You know, your neighbors probably don’t appreciate all the noise you’re making.”
“I’m making? Jesus, House, shut up.”
“Actually, my first name is Gregory, but I see how you might get confused sometimes.”
Chase shook his head, grimacing, and headed for the door. No way was he going to get rid of a House-on-a-mission, particularly if the mission was to annoy someone. He leaned his head on the door in resignation and waited.
“Chase, let me in or I really will do it myself.”
“Say the magic word first.”
“What is this, kindergarten?”
“You tell me. And I’m waiting.”
“Geez, you drive a hard bargain. OK, pleeeeeeeeeeease, kind sir, may I come in?”
Chase quirked a tiny smile and unlocked the door. As House pushed his way past him, Chase muttered, “Made you say ‘please’.”
“Don’t get used to it, oh former minion. The please fairy wants her bounty back.”
Chase turned back to the sofa and threw himself down in the middle. “That doesn’t make the least bit of sense, House.”
“Well, it is hard to keep up with my sharp wit. Only a select few even try.” House plopped himself down right next to his quarry, who scooted over to one corner of the sofa for a little bit of personal space.
Chase let out a tired sigh. “Cut the crap, House. Why are you here?”
House looked around the room for a moment before responding in a more serious tone, “Hear you had a tough one.”
“Yeah, I did. That’s why I’d rather still be sleeping right now instead of talking to you.”
House shifted uncomfortably for a moment. “I get that, but I thought we needed to settle a few things.”
“Probably.” Chase couldn’t keep the exasperation out of his voice. “Although three days ago would have worked for me. Why now when you couldn’t be bothered then? Did it take you this long to figure out what I was talking about?”
“No, it didn’t, but at the time, I didn’t know what to say. I still don’t, really. But I think we need to have this out.”
“Why? It’s long over and I’ve moved on.”
House scowled at Chase. “Well, obviously not, if you’re still holding a grudge. I expect us to work together as colleagues, at the very least. I want us to…get along again.”
“It’s not likely, House. Particularly if you keep intruding where you’re not wanted.”
“Fair enough. So where am I wanted?”
“I really can’t imagine. Although,” Chase arched his eyebrows and smiled slightly, “I have, on occasion, imagined you in a coffin with a stake through your heart.”
House looked thoughtful. “Interesting choice. So I’m a vampire in your imagination?”
“Well, you do have a knack for sucking the life out of people.”
“Is that how you see me?”
“Pretty much. Dealing with you requires quite a bit of energy, which is exactly what I don’t have right now.”
“I’m hoping that will work in my favor. Anyway, I was in the mood to discuss… things…tonight, and that doesn’t happen very often.”
“No kidding.” Chase settled back and closed his eyes. “Sooooo, discuss away, then.”
“Takes two to discuss.”
“No kidding. But this is your party, House. I’m willing to skip it, myself.”
“You’re still angry, though. Hasn’t your therapist told you that repressed anger is bad for your health?”
“First of all, I don’t have a therapist. Second, I have no anger when you’re not around. If you’d just leave me alone, I’d be fine, and we wouldn’t have to have this awkward whatever-it-is you think you’re here for.”
House looked up at the ceiling. “I think…I’m here to confirm why you’re angry, and attempt to grovel in what Wilson would call a socially appropriate fashion until you decide to be nice again.”
“Nice?” Chase rolled his eyes. “I don’t know that ‘nice’ was ever the word to describe my behavior around you.”
“OK, agreeable, then. I would definitely describe you as ‘agreeable’ until recently.” House nodded to himself.
“That’s more accurate, I think. The problem is, I need something to agree with before I can be agreeable.”
House smirked but then affected a look of mock contrition. “How’s this? I’m a bad, bad boss and I should be ashamed of myself for all the nasty things I’ve done to you.”
Chase scowled at House in mild amusement. “I can definitely agree with that. The problem is, you should be ashamed of yourself, but we both know you’re not. So tell me, what things do you think you should be ashamed of, if you were an ordinary mortal like the rest of us?”
“Weeell,” House drawled, “Considering that we’re starting from a faulty premise, I suppose a mere mortal wouldn’t have fired you the way I did.”
“That’s a start.” Chase settled back. “Go on.”
House shook his head. “Is this leading up to the part where you expect me to apologize for all my transgressions?”
“Hardly,” Chase smiled. “I’ve heard that if the earth stops rotating on its axis, we’re all doomed.”
“OK, as long as we’ve got that straight… I suppose a nicer person wouldn’t have called you a moron quite so often. Or thrown things at you. Or, uh, punched you out in the hospital corridor.”
“Mmm,” Chase nodded, looking at House intently. “Keep going.”
“More, huh? Let’s see. I shouldn’t have…constantly humiliated you in front of your peers. Made you do extra clinic duty. Ridiculed your personal beliefs. Teased you about kissing a little girl. Made you talk to your father.” House scowled. “I thought you were the one who wanted to go to bed, and the list is going to take hours if I get on a roll.”
“True.” Chase scowled. “Out of the list so far, getting fired totally sucked. So did getting punched, although we already worked that one out. The rest? Also sucked, but it went with the territory. You’re very conveniently leaving out the biggies.”
“Damn. Hoped you wouldn’t notice. Alright then…, most people would not have faked brain cancer and upset their colleagues.”
Chase leaned forward a bit. “You’re finally on track. Keep going.”
“What do you want me to say, Chase? It wasn’t nice. I’m not a nice guy.”
“Got that right. Remember why you faked brain cancer?”
“What does it matter? I wanted to get into the pain relief study in Boston. No one here was supposed to know what was going on. It’s not like I was trying to upset people.”
“It matters to me,” Chase said softly. “And we both know the real reason you didn’t tell anyone what you were up to.”
House shrugged. “Well, if you’d all known from the beginning, you would have stopped me from joining the study.”
“Damn straight we would have. Every last one of us. You were going to jeopardize a major medical study, which has the potential to help a lot of sick people, for your own gratification.”
“It would have been fine. You guys are just spoilsports.”
“I doubt many terminal cancer patients see pain relief as a sport.”
“Look, I’ve been through this multiple times with Wilson. It wasn’t a nice thing to do, I shouldn’t have done it, yadda yadda; I get it.”
“And you’d do it again if you had another chance, wouldn’t you.” Chase didn’t make it a question.
House had the decency to squirm just a little. “Probably. It wasn’t a bad plan. It would have been a great plan if everyone had just minded their own business.”
“But we didn’t, did we. We had to actually go and care about you, silly gits that we are.” Chase knew his voice was getting tight, but at this point, he didn’t much care.
“I’m sorry that you were upset, Chase. What more do you want me to say?”
Chase sighed and shook his head. “Doesn’t matter what I want you to say. I don’t expect you to say anything at this point. But for the record? Being sorry I got upset is not the same as being sorry you upset me. Notice the active verb.”
“And I’ll say it again. Upsetting you was not my intention.”
“Tell me something, House.” Chase put his elbows on his knees and rested his face in his hands. “Do you ever consider the consequences of your actions for other people?”
“Occasionally. Mostly I expect other people to look out after themselves. Humans are hard-wired that way. Otherwise, why would everybody lie?”
“Well, sometimes they lie to protect other people and their feelings, but I think we’ve ruled that out as your motivation.” He sat up and sighed. “This is really a pointless conversation, House. You don’t have anything to tell me, and I don’t know why you expect anything to change between us.”
“I told you before; I want to take you out on a date and make it up to you.”
Chase laughed without a hint of mirth in his voice. “Riiiight. I made the mistake of caring about you and got my teeth kicked in. Now you want me to forget that, start to care about you again, and then what? Sorry. Good dentistry is expensive in this country.”
“It’s not going to be like that,” House said in a soft voice that surprised Chase a bit.
“And why wouldn’t it? You’ve already told me you don’t worry about other people’s feelings, and you’ve shown me you don’t care about mine.” Chase knew his voice was rising, but at this point, he was too damn tired to censor himself. Maybe if he laid it out for House, the bastard would slink off into the night and leave him alone for good.
“Look, House, last Christmas you told me you were interested in a more…personal relationship with me. It was a bad idea and I told you so. Then I found out you were ‘dying’, and it…bothered me more than it should’ve.” The words were starting to come out in a rush. “You were going to fly off to Boston, and we might never see you again, and I wanted…I mean, I had told you that I cared about you but you didn’t know how much, and I went to your office and tried to hug you and you blew me off and you KNEW, you bastard!” Chase was out of breath and feeling a little panicky by now.
House, on the other hand, just looked puzzled. “What did I know? I knew you’d been crying, and you were ready to start back up on my shoulder. I hate waterspots on my shoulder.”
“Yeah, well, thank God you were a jerk about it, or I would have humiliated myself a lot worse.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You were the one who turned it into a joke, House.” Chase took a deep breath. “I was serious.”
“Wait a minute,” House asked with a look of wonderment on his face. “As I recall, I told you not to start anything you couldn’t finish. Are you saying that because I was dying you would have given me a pity-fuck?”
Chase made a sour face; it was time for some damage control. “No, that’s not what I meant. First of all, I doubt it would have gone that far, and it wouldn’t…”
House was too excited to let him finish his sentence. “Yeah, but at the time, you would have allowed me to, oh, maybe, grab your ass?”
Chase felt pretty sure this conversation wasn’t going to end well, but hell, he was already in this far. He found himself staring at a fascinating crack in the far wall. “Maybe, yeah.”
He couldn’t see House without turning his head, but he felt the older man sit up straighter and bounce a little, and there was no mistaking the note of triumph in House’s voice.
“See, now that’s the cool part! Cuddy gave me a hug and let me grab her ass. You gave me a hug and I could have grabbed your ass. Maybe I should fake dying more often!”
“HOUSE!!” Chase swung around and gaped at House in horror. He thought there was a decent chance he might throw up on the spot. “Jesus CHRIST, House! I actually try to say something honest and… What the FUCK is WRONG with you?”
From the way House was looking at him without making eye contact, Chase briefly wondered if House might actually realize he’d gone way too far with that last remark. “Goddamn it, House! That’s all any of this means to you, isn’t it? A great big game of grab-ass?!!? Well, fine then.” He ground out the words with enough venom to actually make House look uncomfortable. Chase stood up, turned his back to House and bent over slightly. “There! Go ahead! Grab my ass! That’s what you really want, so I’ll let you to do it and get it out of your system. Grab away! Believe me, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!”
Chase stood there but nothing happened. Then House muttered, “I’m not going to grab your ass like this.”
Chase turned his head to glare back at House. This was one of the rare times when he knew he benefited from being the son of Rowan Chase. From his father’s example, by God, he knew how to glare, and he also knew how to sound furious without raising his voice. “Oh, yes you are! You’re going to grope me, and when you’re finished, I’m going to turn back around and hit you. Then you can go tell everyone who’ll listen that I let you grab my ass, and I’ll tell them that you tried to grab my ass and I clobbered you. See, this way we both win, and since your dream will finally be fulfilled, you can get the FUCK out of my life and go harass someone else!”
He turned back around and stood, waiting. Still nothing. Then House said, in a tight voice, “Stop it, Chase. I’m not going to grab your ass.”
“Stop what? I’m just standing here.”
“Just…sit down, OK?”
Chase could almost imagine that there was a note of pleading in House’s voice. He was starting to come down from his adrenaline high, and it wasn’t a good feeling. He crossed his arms to keep his hands from shaking and tried to steady his breathing, wondering what House would do if Chase broke into tears, which was feeling like a definite possibility. No matter how sure you are that you can’t embarrass yourself any further, there’s always the possibility of a new low ahead. He really didn’t trust himself to turn around and look at House. He hoped he could trust his voice.
“No, it’s not OK, House,” he finally said.
There was a long silence. “I know,” House finally answered. “And I’m…sorry.”
Chase let out a jerky breath that wanted to be a laugh but fell far short of its goal. “As amazing as it is to hear you say that, House, I’m willing to bet you don’t even know what you’re sorry for.” He paused, still not daring to turn around. Starting toward the door, he said, “Look, I need some space right now. You probably don’t want to wait around for me to come back.”
“Do you need me to leave?” House asked, sounding serious for once.
Chase stopped in the doorway and then shrugged.
“Good,” House said. “Then I’ll wait.”
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Yay! The next chapter is now posted.
MORE AUTHOR BABBLING:
Any of you who see Chase as a laid-back, go-with-the-flow kinda guy might find this scene kinda out there. However, I see Chase as someone who has cultivated that outward persona as a shield against getting hurt, and like all shields, it ain’t perfect. YMMV, of course, and your comments are welcome.
In preparation for an incoming angst-free story which is begging to be written (seldra, you lit a fire under my butt!), I spent a couple of hours putting together a collection of all of the clips with Ridiculously Old Fraud. I must admit that I didn’t originally notice how good some parts of the Season 4 episodes are because I was desperately waiting for Chase and nothing else would do. Sadly, ROF only got about 9 minutes of total screen time, but it's choice stuff. I'm way in love with him and House together (no, not THAT kind of together!), not to mention ROF’s interactions with Taub.
Check out the first chapter of that story here, along with download instructions for the video. Chase will be joining the grand plot in the next chapter, and yes, I am trying to finish this story before I get farther into that one, but sometimes ya gotta have an angst antidote.
Geez, shut up already, author!person! Go finish the rest of this story!
TITLE: Not Entirely Human Error - Part 11
AUTHOR: parkermonster
PAIRING: House/Chase
RATING: PG-13+
WARNINGS: Major angst alert!! Also, your mom would wash out your mouth with soap for using some of the language here.
NOTES: Spoilers for Human Error, and everything that leads up to that
SUMMARY: Chase is getting it together,and House is making life more complicated, whether Chase likes it or not. And right now, it sucks.
DISCLAIMER: He doesn’t belong to me. Why is keeping Chase alive our job? There’s still a chance to pull this season out of the toilet, PTB. Don’t eff it up!
RIDICULOUSLY EXCESSIVE AUTHOR’S NOTES: Wow, this one was a bitch. For those who have stuck with me through the sloooow updates, I love you all and I assure you that the story is mostly written (although, sadly, my frazzled self can’t promise to update faster - I’ll try, though). The story will have around 17 chapters total. The good news is, this extended scene is pretty much the end of the angst, ‘cause I want (and I bet you want) House and Chase working and snarking together again ASAP. I just can’t see Chase jumping at the opportunity without a little catharsis first, though.
Oh, and in the spirit of full disclosure, there’s a hint of song!fic here. ::small voice:: Also, there are references to the prequel story, “All I Want For Christmas Is You”, which can be found here.
Oh, and link to Part 1 and the previous chapter.
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Part 11
“It’s been a bad day, please don’t take a picture.” R.E.M.
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By the time Chase finally made it home, he barely had the energy to toss his bag onto the kitchen table and collapse horizontally onto his sofa. He knew he needed to eat something, but he was just too damn tired after a 36 hour shift. It had been a rough one, too. The ICU had received four new patients courtesy of a three-car pileup on Route 1 during the fog last night, and despite everyone’s best efforts, only two of the patients were still alive and neither of them would be leaving the ICU anytime soon, assuming they survived. Another victim hadn't even made it from the ER to the ICU. Christ, a van full of kids and no one could be bothered to belt in.
He wanted to sleep, but he was still too keyed up, so he grabbed the remote for the stereo from the coffee table and started thinking about something to suit his mood. Thank God for remotes and CD changers. Turned out that was money well-spent. As he waited for music to start he remembered that he had loaded the player with retro stuff the last time he’d actually had a few minutes to listen. First up was The Ramones, and while “I Wanna Be Sedated” seemed like a reasonable sentiment, the raucous sound definitely didn’t match his melancholy mood. R.E.M.? Better, but this was their early stuff, and it always drove him crazy that he couldn’t quite make out the words. Ah, Kasey Chambers. For some reason Foreman had once grilled Chase on his musical tastes, and wouldn’t that have gotten him ridiculed if everyone (…House…) knew he liked country music. Finally he settled on his Joni Mitchell CD. A woman he dated years ago had played Mitchell constantly and he had always been a sucker for a ‘soprano and a piano’.
He settled back to let the sound just wash over him, but as he was trying to drift off, his attention was drawn back by the lyrics.
Carey, get out your cane
I’ll put on my finest silver
Oh, you’re a mean old daddy, but I like you
Wonderful, he thought. House is following me everywhere. Just what I needed. He shut off the music with the remote and rolled over to bury his face in the sofa cushions, trying to will the world to go away.
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He woke with a start at the rapping at the door. Christ, what time is it? he thought groggily. A quick check revealed it was just after midnight. Who the fuck is bothering me at this hour?
A muffled but all-too-familiar voice came through the door in answer. “Open up in there. Don’t make me use my mad break-in skillz.”
Chase groaned and scrubbed his hands across his face. What did I do to deserve this? He has to know I was on a long shift.
“Go away, House,” he finally called out. “This is exactly the wrong time to be here.”
“What, you got a girl in there?” was the response.
“Yeah, right. It’s late, I’m tired, and I don’t want to talk to you.”
“I get all that, but it’s impooooortant. I need a consultation on a case.”
“Bullshit. Go hire a team and leave me alone.”
“You know, your neighbors probably don’t appreciate all the noise you’re making.”
“I’m making? Jesus, House, shut up.”
“Actually, my first name is Gregory, but I see how you might get confused sometimes.”
Chase shook his head, grimacing, and headed for the door. No way was he going to get rid of a House-on-a-mission, particularly if the mission was to annoy someone. He leaned his head on the door in resignation and waited.
“Chase, let me in or I really will do it myself.”
“Say the magic word first.”
“What is this, kindergarten?”
“You tell me. And I’m waiting.”
“Geez, you drive a hard bargain. OK, pleeeeeeeeeeease, kind sir, may I come in?”
Chase quirked a tiny smile and unlocked the door. As House pushed his way past him, Chase muttered, “Made you say ‘please’.”
“Don’t get used to it, oh former minion. The please fairy wants her bounty back.”
Chase turned back to the sofa and threw himself down in the middle. “That doesn’t make the least bit of sense, House.”
“Well, it is hard to keep up with my sharp wit. Only a select few even try.” House plopped himself down right next to his quarry, who scooted over to one corner of the sofa for a little bit of personal space.
Chase let out a tired sigh. “Cut the crap, House. Why are you here?”
House looked around the room for a moment before responding in a more serious tone, “Hear you had a tough one.”
“Yeah, I did. That’s why I’d rather still be sleeping right now instead of talking to you.”
House shifted uncomfortably for a moment. “I get that, but I thought we needed to settle a few things.”
“Probably.” Chase couldn’t keep the exasperation out of his voice. “Although three days ago would have worked for me. Why now when you couldn’t be bothered then? Did it take you this long to figure out what I was talking about?”
“No, it didn’t, but at the time, I didn’t know what to say. I still don’t, really. But I think we need to have this out.”
“Why? It’s long over and I’ve moved on.”
House scowled at Chase. “Well, obviously not, if you’re still holding a grudge. I expect us to work together as colleagues, at the very least. I want us to…get along again.”
“It’s not likely, House. Particularly if you keep intruding where you’re not wanted.”
“Fair enough. So where am I wanted?”
“I really can’t imagine. Although,” Chase arched his eyebrows and smiled slightly, “I have, on occasion, imagined you in a coffin with a stake through your heart.”
House looked thoughtful. “Interesting choice. So I’m a vampire in your imagination?”
“Well, you do have a knack for sucking the life out of people.”
“Is that how you see me?”
“Pretty much. Dealing with you requires quite a bit of energy, which is exactly what I don’t have right now.”
“I’m hoping that will work in my favor. Anyway, I was in the mood to discuss… things…tonight, and that doesn’t happen very often.”
“No kidding.” Chase settled back and closed his eyes. “Sooooo, discuss away, then.”
“Takes two to discuss.”
“No kidding. But this is your party, House. I’m willing to skip it, myself.”
“You’re still angry, though. Hasn’t your therapist told you that repressed anger is bad for your health?”
“First of all, I don’t have a therapist. Second, I have no anger when you’re not around. If you’d just leave me alone, I’d be fine, and we wouldn’t have to have this awkward whatever-it-is you think you’re here for.”
House looked up at the ceiling. “I think…I’m here to confirm why you’re angry, and attempt to grovel in what Wilson would call a socially appropriate fashion until you decide to be nice again.”
“Nice?” Chase rolled his eyes. “I don’t know that ‘nice’ was ever the word to describe my behavior around you.”
“OK, agreeable, then. I would definitely describe you as ‘agreeable’ until recently.” House nodded to himself.
“That’s more accurate, I think. The problem is, I need something to agree with before I can be agreeable.”
House smirked but then affected a look of mock contrition. “How’s this? I’m a bad, bad boss and I should be ashamed of myself for all the nasty things I’ve done to you.”
Chase scowled at House in mild amusement. “I can definitely agree with that. The problem is, you should be ashamed of yourself, but we both know you’re not. So tell me, what things do you think you should be ashamed of, if you were an ordinary mortal like the rest of us?”
“Weeell,” House drawled, “Considering that we’re starting from a faulty premise, I suppose a mere mortal wouldn’t have fired you the way I did.”
“That’s a start.” Chase settled back. “Go on.”
House shook his head. “Is this leading up to the part where you expect me to apologize for all my transgressions?”
“Hardly,” Chase smiled. “I’ve heard that if the earth stops rotating on its axis, we’re all doomed.”
“OK, as long as we’ve got that straight… I suppose a nicer person wouldn’t have called you a moron quite so often. Or thrown things at you. Or, uh, punched you out in the hospital corridor.”
“Mmm,” Chase nodded, looking at House intently. “Keep going.”
“More, huh? Let’s see. I shouldn’t have…constantly humiliated you in front of your peers. Made you do extra clinic duty. Ridiculed your personal beliefs. Teased you about kissing a little girl. Made you talk to your father.” House scowled. “I thought you were the one who wanted to go to bed, and the list is going to take hours if I get on a roll.”
“True.” Chase scowled. “Out of the list so far, getting fired totally sucked. So did getting punched, although we already worked that one out. The rest? Also sucked, but it went with the territory. You’re very conveniently leaving out the biggies.”
“Damn. Hoped you wouldn’t notice. Alright then…, most people would not have faked brain cancer and upset their colleagues.”
Chase leaned forward a bit. “You’re finally on track. Keep going.”
“What do you want me to say, Chase? It wasn’t nice. I’m not a nice guy.”
“Got that right. Remember why you faked brain cancer?”
“What does it matter? I wanted to get into the pain relief study in Boston. No one here was supposed to know what was going on. It’s not like I was trying to upset people.”
“It matters to me,” Chase said softly. “And we both know the real reason you didn’t tell anyone what you were up to.”
House shrugged. “Well, if you’d all known from the beginning, you would have stopped me from joining the study.”
“Damn straight we would have. Every last one of us. You were going to jeopardize a major medical study, which has the potential to help a lot of sick people, for your own gratification.”
“It would have been fine. You guys are just spoilsports.”
“I doubt many terminal cancer patients see pain relief as a sport.”
“Look, I’ve been through this multiple times with Wilson. It wasn’t a nice thing to do, I shouldn’t have done it, yadda yadda; I get it.”
“And you’d do it again if you had another chance, wouldn’t you.” Chase didn’t make it a question.
House had the decency to squirm just a little. “Probably. It wasn’t a bad plan. It would have been a great plan if everyone had just minded their own business.”
“But we didn’t, did we. We had to actually go and care about you, silly gits that we are.” Chase knew his voice was getting tight, but at this point, he didn’t much care.
“I’m sorry that you were upset, Chase. What more do you want me to say?”
Chase sighed and shook his head. “Doesn’t matter what I want you to say. I don’t expect you to say anything at this point. But for the record? Being sorry I got upset is not the same as being sorry you upset me. Notice the active verb.”
“And I’ll say it again. Upsetting you was not my intention.”
“Tell me something, House.” Chase put his elbows on his knees and rested his face in his hands. “Do you ever consider the consequences of your actions for other people?”
“Occasionally. Mostly I expect other people to look out after themselves. Humans are hard-wired that way. Otherwise, why would everybody lie?”
“Well, sometimes they lie to protect other people and their feelings, but I think we’ve ruled that out as your motivation.” He sat up and sighed. “This is really a pointless conversation, House. You don’t have anything to tell me, and I don’t know why you expect anything to change between us.”
“I told you before; I want to take you out on a date and make it up to you.”
Chase laughed without a hint of mirth in his voice. “Riiiight. I made the mistake of caring about you and got my teeth kicked in. Now you want me to forget that, start to care about you again, and then what? Sorry. Good dentistry is expensive in this country.”
“It’s not going to be like that,” House said in a soft voice that surprised Chase a bit.
“And why wouldn’t it? You’ve already told me you don’t worry about other people’s feelings, and you’ve shown me you don’t care about mine.” Chase knew his voice was rising, but at this point, he was too damn tired to censor himself. Maybe if he laid it out for House, the bastard would slink off into the night and leave him alone for good.
“Look, House, last Christmas you told me you were interested in a more…personal relationship with me. It was a bad idea and I told you so. Then I found out you were ‘dying’, and it…bothered me more than it should’ve.” The words were starting to come out in a rush. “You were going to fly off to Boston, and we might never see you again, and I wanted…I mean, I had told you that I cared about you but you didn’t know how much, and I went to your office and tried to hug you and you blew me off and you KNEW, you bastard!” Chase was out of breath and feeling a little panicky by now.
House, on the other hand, just looked puzzled. “What did I know? I knew you’d been crying, and you were ready to start back up on my shoulder. I hate waterspots on my shoulder.”
“Yeah, well, thank God you were a jerk about it, or I would have humiliated myself a lot worse.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You were the one who turned it into a joke, House.” Chase took a deep breath. “I was serious.”
“Wait a minute,” House asked with a look of wonderment on his face. “As I recall, I told you not to start anything you couldn’t finish. Are you saying that because I was dying you would have given me a pity-fuck?”
Chase made a sour face; it was time for some damage control. “No, that’s not what I meant. First of all, I doubt it would have gone that far, and it wouldn’t…”
House was too excited to let him finish his sentence. “Yeah, but at the time, you would have allowed me to, oh, maybe, grab your ass?”
Chase felt pretty sure this conversation wasn’t going to end well, but hell, he was already in this far. He found himself staring at a fascinating crack in the far wall. “Maybe, yeah.”
He couldn’t see House without turning his head, but he felt the older man sit up straighter and bounce a little, and there was no mistaking the note of triumph in House’s voice.
“See, now that’s the cool part! Cuddy gave me a hug and let me grab her ass. You gave me a hug and I could have grabbed your ass. Maybe I should fake dying more often!”
“HOUSE!!” Chase swung around and gaped at House in horror. He thought there was a decent chance he might throw up on the spot. “Jesus CHRIST, House! I actually try to say something honest and… What the FUCK is WRONG with you?”
From the way House was looking at him without making eye contact, Chase briefly wondered if House might actually realize he’d gone way too far with that last remark. “Goddamn it, House! That’s all any of this means to you, isn’t it? A great big game of grab-ass?!!? Well, fine then.” He ground out the words with enough venom to actually make House look uncomfortable. Chase stood up, turned his back to House and bent over slightly. “There! Go ahead! Grab my ass! That’s what you really want, so I’ll let you to do it and get it out of your system. Grab away! Believe me, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!”
Chase stood there but nothing happened. Then House muttered, “I’m not going to grab your ass like this.”
Chase turned his head to glare back at House. This was one of the rare times when he knew he benefited from being the son of Rowan Chase. From his father’s example, by God, he knew how to glare, and he also knew how to sound furious without raising his voice. “Oh, yes you are! You’re going to grope me, and when you’re finished, I’m going to turn back around and hit you. Then you can go tell everyone who’ll listen that I let you grab my ass, and I’ll tell them that you tried to grab my ass and I clobbered you. See, this way we both win, and since your dream will finally be fulfilled, you can get the FUCK out of my life and go harass someone else!”
He turned back around and stood, waiting. Still nothing. Then House said, in a tight voice, “Stop it, Chase. I’m not going to grab your ass.”
“Stop what? I’m just standing here.”
“Just…sit down, OK?”
Chase could almost imagine that there was a note of pleading in House’s voice. He was starting to come down from his adrenaline high, and it wasn’t a good feeling. He crossed his arms to keep his hands from shaking and tried to steady his breathing, wondering what House would do if Chase broke into tears, which was feeling like a definite possibility. No matter how sure you are that you can’t embarrass yourself any further, there’s always the possibility of a new low ahead. He really didn’t trust himself to turn around and look at House. He hoped he could trust his voice.
“No, it’s not OK, House,” he finally said.
There was a long silence. “I know,” House finally answered. “And I’m…sorry.”
Chase let out a jerky breath that wanted to be a laugh but fell far short of its goal. “As amazing as it is to hear you say that, House, I’m willing to bet you don’t even know what you’re sorry for.” He paused, still not daring to turn around. Starting toward the door, he said, “Look, I need some space right now. You probably don’t want to wait around for me to come back.”
“Do you need me to leave?” House asked, sounding serious for once.
Chase stopped in the doorway and then shrugged.
“Good,” House said. “Then I’ll wait.”
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Yay! The next chapter is now posted.
MORE AUTHOR BABBLING:
Any of you who see Chase as a laid-back, go-with-the-flow kinda guy might find this scene kinda out there. However, I see Chase as someone who has cultivated that outward persona as a shield against getting hurt, and like all shields, it ain’t perfect. YMMV, of course, and your comments are welcome.
In preparation for an incoming angst-free story which is begging to be written (seldra, you lit a fire under my butt!), I spent a couple of hours putting together a collection of all of the clips with Ridiculously Old Fraud. I must admit that I didn’t originally notice how good some parts of the Season 4 episodes are because I was desperately waiting for Chase and nothing else would do. Sadly, ROF only got about 9 minutes of total screen time, but it's choice stuff. I'm way in love with him and House together (no, not THAT kind of together!), not to mention ROF’s interactions with Taub.
Check out the first chapter of that story here, along with download instructions for the video. Chase will be joining the grand plot in the next chapter, and yes, I am trying to finish this story before I get farther into that one, but sometimes ya gotta have an angst antidote.
Geez, shut up already, author!person! Go finish the rest of this story!