for the price of a coke or a smoke
If I come across one more fic featuring Hermione and her almost-hysteria over losing her virginity, I will cut someone.
Seriously.
THIRTEEN-YEAR OLDS SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO WRITE ABOUT SEX.
At least have some knowledge of what you're writing about. It's helpful to have, at least, kissed someone before writing about sex. Or making out. Or ANYTHING.
My God, people - it's wretched out there. Badfic doesn't even begin to cover it.
When you've got a Hermione who's petrified of her wedding night, something is seriously amiss. And did you notice how I said 'wedding night'? That's right - featuring a Harry and Hermione who have been dating for years. And she's scared to sleep with him? WTF?!
Now, I realize that some people still wait until marriage. That's fine and dandy. But, from what I understand (from several friends who've waited until marriage), it's really difficult. Like, you want to sleep with them, quite a lot, in fact. Actually, one of my friends actually had to sit down and swear with her fiance that they would wait. And they both swore (hi! both raised as scary Southern Baptists), so after that, at least one of them would be able to pull back and be all, 'We swore to ourselves and God, etc.' And seriously? They ran out of their damn reception.
And, chances are, if you've been dating someone for years (or are 25 and have lived on the planet), you're going to have had some experience. And it seems like in all these fics, they exchange a few chaste kisses (for years), then she's, like, offering herself to him, like it's this big fucking sacrifice.
A) YOU SKIPPED A FEW STEPS. Have you ever kissed a boy on the mouth? Have you ever been felt up? Over the bra, under the blouse, shoes off...hoping to God your parents don't walk in? Over the panties, no bra, blouse unbuttoned, Calvin's in a ball on the front seat past eleven on a school night?
B) Hey, dingbats?
WOMEN WANT SEX TOO. WE ARE CAPABLE OF AROUSAL, AND EVEN FEELING DOWN RIGHT FUCKING HORNY.
You know how guys get hard? WE GET WET.
Look into it.
And setting aside all that (like they wouldn't have fooled around before if they'd been dating for years; the many, many steps between kissing and actual intercourse; the fact they're IN A WAR, and we all know what they say about the last days of war; the fact that Hermione might want it too) - setting aside all that -
THIS IS HERMIONE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.
You know she ran out and got every book she could get her hands on the first time she got a funny feeling down there.
So, if nothing else, she's going to be intellectually prepared for it.
Plus, it just amazes me how many women - well, girls, probably - think that only the guy wants sex. That they want sex, and it's the woman's, like, duty or something, if she loves him, to do it.
Lie back and think of England, eh?
Apparently, none of these people have ever wanted anyone.
Or, you know, heard of lesbians.
Seriously.
THIRTEEN-YEAR OLDS SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO WRITE ABOUT SEX.
At least have some knowledge of what you're writing about. It's helpful to have, at least, kissed someone before writing about sex. Or making out. Or ANYTHING.
My God, people - it's wretched out there. Badfic doesn't even begin to cover it.
When you've got a Hermione who's petrified of her wedding night, something is seriously amiss. And did you notice how I said 'wedding night'? That's right - featuring a Harry and Hermione who have been dating for years. And she's scared to sleep with him? WTF?!
Now, I realize that some people still wait until marriage. That's fine and dandy. But, from what I understand (from several friends who've waited until marriage), it's really difficult. Like, you want to sleep with them, quite a lot, in fact. Actually, one of my friends actually had to sit down and swear with her fiance that they would wait. And they both swore (hi! both raised as scary Southern Baptists), so after that, at least one of them would be able to pull back and be all, 'We swore to ourselves and God, etc.' And seriously? They ran out of their damn reception.
And, chances are, if you've been dating someone for years (or are 25 and have lived on the planet), you're going to have had some experience. And it seems like in all these fics, they exchange a few chaste kisses (for years), then she's, like, offering herself to him, like it's this big fucking sacrifice.
A) YOU SKIPPED A FEW STEPS. Have you ever kissed a boy on the mouth? Have you ever been felt up? Over the bra, under the blouse, shoes off...hoping to God your parents don't walk in? Over the panties, no bra, blouse unbuttoned, Calvin's in a ball on the front seat past eleven on a school night?
B) Hey, dingbats?
WOMEN WANT SEX TOO. WE ARE CAPABLE OF AROUSAL, AND EVEN FEELING DOWN RIGHT FUCKING HORNY.
You know how guys get hard? WE GET WET.
Look into it.
And setting aside all that (like they wouldn't have fooled around before if they'd been dating for years; the many, many steps between kissing and actual intercourse; the fact they're IN A WAR, and we all know what they say about the last days of war; the fact that Hermione might want it too) - setting aside all that -
THIS IS HERMIONE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.
You know she ran out and got every book she could get her hands on the first time she got a funny feeling down there.
So, if nothing else, she's going to be intellectually prepared for it.
Plus, it just amazes me how many women - well, girls, probably - think that only the guy wants sex. That they want sex, and it's the woman's, like, duty or something, if she loves him, to do it.
Lie back and think of England, eh?
Apparently, none of these people have ever wanted anyone.
Or, you know, heard of lesbians.