the man
he is getting weird. everything I do is an act against him, if I go out it's because I don't want to be with him, if he wants to watch a movie at 10pm and I say I'm too tired it's because I don't want to spend time with him, not because I am and I work at 6 am. When I am depressed, or anxious it has something to do with him. He was upset with me adding pictures to my myspace account with out discussing it with him. He complains that I don't tell him when I am depressed that I only ever talk about my issues with my friends, this isn't the case and if it is it's because I don't think it has anything to do with him/us and I know he will internalize it and take everything I say personally. He went on the other night (when I was having a particularly hard day) about how I always yell, I appologized and tried to explain that I wasn't unhappy for any particular reason, and he kept bringing it back up in a completely circular conversation until I started yelling and then he said, "see." I hate repeating myself, I hate yelling all the time, no one listens to me and overall I am used to it but sometimes it's not OK and after the 4th time I will yell, it's better than becoming physical which is what I used to do up until about 9 years ago.... If I didn't want to be here I wouldn't be here and that is all there is to it, I sure as hell would not have locked myself into a 30 year commitment on a home, not to mention the one I put myself into 10 years ago, teh whole until death thing... I am a flirt and a "cuddle whore" and people probably think that I don't take my familial obligations as seriously as I should, from some people's perspective this may be true. I do have flawed logic and a skewed sense of morals and I doubt Brandon would really think highly of some of my actions but for some reason this does not stop me, I don't know I am rambling now.