(no subject)
Im not really sure exactly what my problem is
but
I feel so overwhelmed right now,
it's weird.
It's not like I've been having to work that much extra.
I mean I do every day now
and it is longer hours
(which by now you're probably like ummm actually that does sound like extra work)
But I am having fun
and I like it.
But I get home and I am
awake.
I feel like I missed out on a lot
and if I go to bed I'll
miss out on more.
I have also been thinking a lot about
getting older and graduating seniors and how I'm going to college soon (kinda)
and I know that it's like the
cliche thing to talk about
and you'll find it in almost every teenagers livejournal
but I guess that just means I'm
like everyone else.
Mainstream.
I keep thinking that on my graduation day
I'm going to look back on high school and think
that was it?
and
What if? What if I was able to actually have
fun and be confident enough to
talk to people that I wanted to.
I kind of feel like time is running out.
I think I just really need to be alone.
I've been so busy and around people 24/7
that I need a break to figure
out why.
exactly.
I am sad.
Im not one of those people
that say they want to be alone and
just really needs a friend
because I thought thats what it was.
but when I went out with
missy I felt worse and
then when my parents came I got even more worse.
And I am also not one of those people
who say they want to be alone so that
they can sit in a dark
corner
in their room with a razor in one hand
and a blood stained towel wrapped aroung the other wrist.
To me thats just a sign of weakness and
vulnerability.
I am just genuinely sad and tired.
and I just
genuinely
want to be left alone for a while.
Which I don't really think is going to be able to happen
for a while.
Because I have a birthday party
for me
tomorrow and
then Missy and I go to New York
so Im going to have to postpone these feelings for a while
Im just too busy.
But I dont think that busyness is a bad thing
I actually find it to be one of the few truths that
people can turn to
to find what they really enjoy and
what their priorities are.
Because, well, at least for me.
When I am really busy,
yeah I'm tired and all
but I still find time for the things
and people
that I really like
and care about.
The busyness keeps all the
things that waste my time
and I do just to pass it, out of the way.
But at the time I think
that I really enjoy it.
Being busy doesn't give me enough time for that.
and I think thats a good thing.
okay, I am going to spend the few hours I have alone
sleeping.
I've got to go to the barn tomorrow
to work.
And it's my birthday.
But to tell you the truth,
there's no other place I'd rather be.
yours till spring breaks (I hope New York goes okay)
Alex
but
I feel so overwhelmed right now,
it's weird.
It's not like I've been having to work that much extra.
I mean I do every day now
and it is longer hours
(which by now you're probably like ummm actually that does sound like extra work)
But I am having fun
and I like it.
But I get home and I am
awake.
I feel like I missed out on a lot
and if I go to bed I'll
miss out on more.
I have also been thinking a lot about
getting older and graduating seniors and how I'm going to college soon (kinda)
and I know that it's like the
cliche thing to talk about
and you'll find it in almost every teenagers livejournal
but I guess that just means I'm
like everyone else.
Mainstream.
I keep thinking that on my graduation day
I'm going to look back on high school and think
that was it?
and
What if? What if I was able to actually have
fun and be confident enough to
talk to people that I wanted to.
I kind of feel like time is running out.
I think I just really need to be alone.
I've been so busy and around people 24/7
that I need a break to figure
out why.
exactly.
I am sad.
Im not one of those people
that say they want to be alone and
just really needs a friend
because I thought thats what it was.
but when I went out with
missy I felt worse and
then when my parents came I got even more worse.
And I am also not one of those people
who say they want to be alone so that
they can sit in a dark
corner
in their room with a razor in one hand
and a blood stained towel wrapped aroung the other wrist.
To me thats just a sign of weakness and
vulnerability.
I am just genuinely sad and tired.
and I just
genuinely
want to be left alone for a while.
Which I don't really think is going to be able to happen
for a while.
Because I have a birthday party
for me
tomorrow and
then Missy and I go to New York
so Im going to have to postpone these feelings for a while
Im just too busy.
But I dont think that busyness is a bad thing
I actually find it to be one of the few truths that
people can turn to
to find what they really enjoy and
what their priorities are.
Because, well, at least for me.
When I am really busy,
yeah I'm tired and all
but I still find time for the things
and people
that I really like
and care about.
The busyness keeps all the
things that waste my time
and I do just to pass it, out of the way.
But at the time I think
that I really enjoy it.
Being busy doesn't give me enough time for that.
and I think thats a good thing.
okay, I am going to spend the few hours I have alone
sleeping.
I've got to go to the barn tomorrow
to work.
And it's my birthday.
But to tell you the truth,
there's no other place I'd rather be.
yours till spring breaks (I hope New York goes okay)
Alex