What You Had Was Real
Title: What You Had Was Real
Pairing: Sebastian Larsson/Nicklas Bendtner
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: This is not real, this never happened. I don't know them and this is all fiction. Made up stuff.
Author's Notes: Beta by metafic. Takes place near the end of March, sort of.
---
It was never going to work out. You knew that from the moment you both went on loan to Birmingham. You didn't want to tell Nick, because you liked that he thought this was only temporary. For him, you knew it would be. He was always, would always be, better than you. Anything he wanted he could have, while you worked hard just to keep up. In the end you were right. He got everything he wanted without even trying.
You could tell, from the phone calls and infrequent visits, that even when things were shit for him, it didn't matter. You always knew he'd come back, stronger than ever. It didn't matter what adversity he had to face. You'd battle through it, put your best foot forward. But Nick, he'd just step over it and be done. You weren't surprised when he went back to Arsenal, when he played more. When it was his goals that won games.
Maybe he didn't understand how you could accept this. He'd always wanted you to be better than you could be. When you were younger, still on Arsenal's youth team, he'd push you harder than anyone else. He cared, even when he was being such an arrogant prick to everyone else. You got to see the Nick that no one else did, the one everyone knows now. He was the Nick you fell in love with, the one you knew was too good to stay with Birmingham.
You tried to explain this, how you were going to stay. But he wouldn't listen. Not in training, not in the showers, not even in bed. He had confidence in things that didn't exist, that you were better than you'd ever be. You were old enough to know better, which is why it hurt you to see him so upset when you told him you weren't going back to London with him. It wasn't a breakup, not really. He still came to see you, and not just when it worked out because of football. He drove hours and hours to see you. To tell you how much he loved you.
It ripped you apart when you told him that Tina was moving to Birmingham with you. Of all the things Nick excelled at, sharing wasn't high on his list. He wanted you to himself. He wanted to be the center of your world, he wanted you to love him as much as he loved you. And you did, you always would, but your world wasn't his. He forgave you after he met Tina. He loved her, not as much or the same way you did, and she seemed to love him back. You don't know how things changed, but you didn't see him as often, or talk to him as much.
But sometimes he'd show up in the middle of the night and Tina would let you go. Maybe she knew, maybe she cared, but you never asked. You won't ever. You'd crawl into Nick's arms, let him kiss you like the world was ending. You promised each other the impossible, that things would somehow work out so that you could be together. You were sure he knew that it would never happen. You were certain he understood that this was only temporary, much like his time at Birmingham.
When you told him that Tina was pregnant, you realized you were wrong. Maybe he thought what you had was real and in a way it was. But he never really understood that just because Denmark revolves around him doesn't mean the rest of the world does. You know he isn't that self-centered to think he's football's axis, but sometimes you wondered if maybe he clings onto things because he's scared of what's on the other side. You don't blame him, you never expected to be a father so soon, but the moment you held Nellie in your arms, everything changed.
He visited you and Tina as soon as he could. He held Nellie and you watched as she looked up at him with her bright, round eyes. You wanted to love him so much and in that moment, you wanted nothing more than for Nick to be the one raising Nellie with you. But you know that's not how the world works and no matter what you might feel, you'll always love Tina, too. You felt her arm around your waist and you glanced at her, pride in her eyes as she watched Nick with Nellie, your daughter. When he handed her back to you, after Tina had gone out to the other room, you saw that he understood.
It broke your heart when he kissed you. It was goodbye and I love you and I'll always love you but mostly it was I'm sorry this couldn't last. You watched him leave, the taste of his mouth on yours. Then you pressed your mouth against Nellie's stomach, making her giggle as you tried not to cry. You watched him drive off, pretending it was only temporary, even though you knew better. Then your life went back to the way it was supposed to be.
When he called you to tell you about Caroline, you had to force yourself to be happy. It's not like you expected him to be pining over you, but you wondered why you didn't see it before. The care in the way he held Nellie, the ease with which he talked to Tina. You were blinded by the love you'll never let go of, the way he'll never forget you. There's a dull ache in your chest when he tells you he's moving in with her, that he's never been happier in his life.
You think maybe you're the one that's gotten it wrong all this time. That maybe you were more in love with him than you realized. Because now that he's really gone, now that you'll never get to kiss him goodbye, you can't breathe. The world stops, just for a moment, and you think that this is what growing up feels like. You tell him you're happy for him, and you are, but mostly you hurt in ways you didn't know existed. He thanks you, you can hear the joy in his voice and you know that this time, this is the end. It's always been temporary and now it's over.
Pairing: Sebastian Larsson/Nicklas Bendtner
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: This is not real, this never happened. I don't know them and this is all fiction. Made up stuff.
Author's Notes: Beta by metafic. Takes place near the end of March, sort of.
---
It was never going to work out. You knew that from the moment you both went on loan to Birmingham. You didn't want to tell Nick, because you liked that he thought this was only temporary. For him, you knew it would be. He was always, would always be, better than you. Anything he wanted he could have, while you worked hard just to keep up. In the end you were right. He got everything he wanted without even trying.
You could tell, from the phone calls and infrequent visits, that even when things were shit for him, it didn't matter. You always knew he'd come back, stronger than ever. It didn't matter what adversity he had to face. You'd battle through it, put your best foot forward. But Nick, he'd just step over it and be done. You weren't surprised when he went back to Arsenal, when he played more. When it was his goals that won games.
Maybe he didn't understand how you could accept this. He'd always wanted you to be better than you could be. When you were younger, still on Arsenal's youth team, he'd push you harder than anyone else. He cared, even when he was being such an arrogant prick to everyone else. You got to see the Nick that no one else did, the one everyone knows now. He was the Nick you fell in love with, the one you knew was too good to stay with Birmingham.
You tried to explain this, how you were going to stay. But he wouldn't listen. Not in training, not in the showers, not even in bed. He had confidence in things that didn't exist, that you were better than you'd ever be. You were old enough to know better, which is why it hurt you to see him so upset when you told him you weren't going back to London with him. It wasn't a breakup, not really. He still came to see you, and not just when it worked out because of football. He drove hours and hours to see you. To tell you how much he loved you.
It ripped you apart when you told him that Tina was moving to Birmingham with you. Of all the things Nick excelled at, sharing wasn't high on his list. He wanted you to himself. He wanted to be the center of your world, he wanted you to love him as much as he loved you. And you did, you always would, but your world wasn't his. He forgave you after he met Tina. He loved her, not as much or the same way you did, and she seemed to love him back. You don't know how things changed, but you didn't see him as often, or talk to him as much.
But sometimes he'd show up in the middle of the night and Tina would let you go. Maybe she knew, maybe she cared, but you never asked. You won't ever. You'd crawl into Nick's arms, let him kiss you like the world was ending. You promised each other the impossible, that things would somehow work out so that you could be together. You were sure he knew that it would never happen. You were certain he understood that this was only temporary, much like his time at Birmingham.
When you told him that Tina was pregnant, you realized you were wrong. Maybe he thought what you had was real and in a way it was. But he never really understood that just because Denmark revolves around him doesn't mean the rest of the world does. You know he isn't that self-centered to think he's football's axis, but sometimes you wondered if maybe he clings onto things because he's scared of what's on the other side. You don't blame him, you never expected to be a father so soon, but the moment you held Nellie in your arms, everything changed.
He visited you and Tina as soon as he could. He held Nellie and you watched as she looked up at him with her bright, round eyes. You wanted to love him so much and in that moment, you wanted nothing more than for Nick to be the one raising Nellie with you. But you know that's not how the world works and no matter what you might feel, you'll always love Tina, too. You felt her arm around your waist and you glanced at her, pride in her eyes as she watched Nick with Nellie, your daughter. When he handed her back to you, after Tina had gone out to the other room, you saw that he understood.
It broke your heart when he kissed you. It was goodbye and I love you and I'll always love you but mostly it was I'm sorry this couldn't last. You watched him leave, the taste of his mouth on yours. Then you pressed your mouth against Nellie's stomach, making her giggle as you tried not to cry. You watched him drive off, pretending it was only temporary, even though you knew better. Then your life went back to the way it was supposed to be.
When he called you to tell you about Caroline, you had to force yourself to be happy. It's not like you expected him to be pining over you, but you wondered why you didn't see it before. The care in the way he held Nellie, the ease with which he talked to Tina. You were blinded by the love you'll never let go of, the way he'll never forget you. There's a dull ache in your chest when he tells you he's moving in with her, that he's never been happier in his life.
You think maybe you're the one that's gotten it wrong all this time. That maybe you were more in love with him than you realized. Because now that he's really gone, now that you'll never get to kiss him goodbye, you can't breathe. The world stops, just for a moment, and you think that this is what growing up feels like. You tell him you're happy for him, and you are, but mostly you hurt in ways you didn't know existed. He thanks you, you can hear the joy in his voice and you know that this time, this is the end. It's always been temporary and now it's over.