What You Want and What You Have
Title: What you want and what you have
Pairing: Nico Rosberg/Lewis Hamilton
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: This is not real, this never happened. I don't know them and this is all fiction. Made up stuff.
Author's Notes: For the f1slash Tarot card challenge. My driver was Nico Rosberg and the cards were: The World and the 6 of Swords. You can read it here or at the site. Much thanks to metafic and icebear-cw for their beta work.
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When Lewis wins, he shows up at Nico's hotel door. Nico doesn't even have to talk to him, it just happens. But when Lewis loses, when he screws up or things go wrong (because he still hasn't quite learned to accept responsibility yet, and, Nico thinks, maybe neither of them have), that's when Nico shows up at Lewis' door. Sometimes he's alone, mostly he's not. But this isn't one of those times.
It's an off week, training and no races and they just happen to be in the same place at the same time. Or maybe Lewis did it on purpose, Nico doesn't know and he doesn't care, because Lewis always manages to find him.
They sit on opposite beds, playing Xbox, except Lewis really isn't paying attention. His phone is open and he's texting, which is why Nico is kicking his ass. He wants to say something, but doesn't know how to start. But he's tired of the game, tired of always trying to figure out what Lewis wants. He watches, waiting for the next text and when it happens, he crawls off the bed and shuts the TV off, then the Xbox. Crawls back onto the bed, flopping onto his back and waits for Lewis to notice.
It doesn't take long. Nico stares at the ceiling, but out of the corner of his eye he can see Lewis. Glances toward the TV, then the controls, and finally to Nico. The silence is deafening, so when Lewis moves, it startles Nico. Rustling of duvet and track pants and he turns his head without meaning to. Lewis is sitting on the edge of the bed, watching.
"What?" Nico's careful to keep his voice even.
Lewis' voice is firm and even though Nico's turned back to the ceiling, he can feel Lewis staring. "The game?"
Nico almost smiles, because there's something plaintive in Lewis' voice. But he doesn't smile, keeping his voice flat as before. "Over."
This time Lewis slides off the bed, but Nico's ready. He looks hard at the ceiling, counting tiles and he's decided he's going to make Lewis work for this. The bed dips slightly when Lewis kneels and Nico knows he can't keep still for much longer.
"Nico." Lewis' voice is soft now, concerned.
Nico sighs, shifting until he's on his side. He reaches out, tugging a little at Lewis' shirt and sometimes he thinks they don't talk enough.
"Did you want to see me?" There's a hint of the boy that Nico used to know in Lewis' words. Soft tones and Nico cannot, or maybe he doesn't bother to, stop himself from reaching out again. Runs his hand down Lewis' chest, pushing him onto his back.
Lewis goes easily, stretching out and rolling onto his side. They're face to face, so close that Nico could just lean forward and kiss him. But he doesn't, not this time. He keeps his hand pressed against Lewis' chest, imagining he can feel the heart beat. For a minute, maybe longer, neither of them speak. He stares, holding eye contact and it's Lewis who pulls back first. Who speaks first.
"Do you resent me?" There's an insecurity that Nico is surprised to hear. He almost asks what the hell Lewis is talking about, but he catches himself just in time.
The answer comes easily, though.
"No." His voice is soft, just a whisper. He slides his hand up, fingers against Lewis' face. He's always been fascinated by the contrast in their skin tones and for a moment it distracts him. Then Lewis reaches up, covering Nico's hand with his own and the moment's gone.
"Even though ..." The sentence they both know the answer to and Nico thinks that maybe he'd better set things straight.
He leans in, almost kissing Lewis, but not quite. "No." Voice soft at first, then a little louder, firm. "Even though you're better than me."
He doesn't bridge the distance between them, even though he wants to. He watches Lewis' reactions, trying to read him, something he used to be good at. But things change, people change and he can't read Lewis anymore. So he's surprised when Lewis leans in, pressing his mouth roughly against Nico's. The kiss is short, but hard and Nico's left breathless.
"You're just ... You're you." He says lamely, voice shaky and for a moment he can't hold Lewis' gaze.
Lewis kisses him again, soft kisses this time. When he speaks, his mouth moves against Nico's. "We grew up."
Nico nods, sliding closer and he wants Lewis. Maybe he always has, but he knows that Lewis is right. He leans in, kissing Lewis hard, biting gently at his lips as he pulls back. Grins a little and then leans over him, turning the lights out. Everything slides into darkness, save the city at dusk, seeping into the room.
For a moment they are no one, two boys in love in a strange city and just trying to get by. But then Lewis kisses him again and the image vanishes. They are famous and not in love, or at least that's what Nico tells himself. Because he can't keep hanging onto the way things used to be. There's so much more to Lewis now, more responsibilities and he has his own life. They both do.
Then Lewis kisses him again, pressing Nico to the bed. Crawls over him and Nico arches up, pressing their bodies together. Slides his hands along Lewis' shirt, tugging it up and pushing his fingers under. He scrapes his hands along Lewis' sides, tipping his head back and Lewis kisses along his neck.
This is what they do. After they race, before they race. Every day for a week, then nothing for a month. Nico doesn't quite understand it, but he's stopped trying to. When he said goodbye to Lewis the first time, it was hard. Harder than crashing, then losing, than everything mixed together. But when Lewis called him, frantic after a crash, he wondered why he'd ever said goodbye.
So they have this, their secret that no one knows about (or everyone, Nico's never sure because sometimes Lewis just can't keep his hands to himself). It's not about who they are, not about races or cars or celebrity (and Nico knows he'll never be like Lewis, never as good and never as famous). But it's about the two of them, two boys alone in the world without ever really being alone.
Lewis kisses him again, opening his mouth against Nico's. He returns the kiss roughly, arching his back as he hooks one of his legs around Lewis'. Brings their bodies tight together, pressing and he thinks that all he's ever wanted in life is right here, on top of him. He knows that's not the case, but it doesn't matter.
He doesn't love Lewis, he can't love Lewis. It'll never work, Lewis doesn't have time for love. But he has time for this, for them. That's what Nico has, what he takes. Hell, he thinks, it's what he settles for because it's Lewis and he'd rather have this than not have him at all.
Maybe they'll fuck or maybe he'll make Lewis come in his track pants. It doesn't matter, he's long since learned that there's more to Lewis than just sharing a bed. The time Nico gets, the time he steals when he shows up at Lewis' door, that's something no one else has. And it's not enough, it's never going to be enough. But he can live with that, because there's always tomorrow.
Pairing: Nico Rosberg/Lewis Hamilton
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: This is not real, this never happened. I don't know them and this is all fiction. Made up stuff.
Author's Notes: For the f1slash Tarot card challenge. My driver was Nico Rosberg and the cards were: The World and the 6 of Swords. You can read it here or at the site. Much thanks to metafic and icebear-cw for their beta work.
---
When Lewis wins, he shows up at Nico's hotel door. Nico doesn't even have to talk to him, it just happens. But when Lewis loses, when he screws up or things go wrong (because he still hasn't quite learned to accept responsibility yet, and, Nico thinks, maybe neither of them have), that's when Nico shows up at Lewis' door. Sometimes he's alone, mostly he's not. But this isn't one of those times.
It's an off week, training and no races and they just happen to be in the same place at the same time. Or maybe Lewis did it on purpose, Nico doesn't know and he doesn't care, because Lewis always manages to find him.
They sit on opposite beds, playing Xbox, except Lewis really isn't paying attention. His phone is open and he's texting, which is why Nico is kicking his ass. He wants to say something, but doesn't know how to start. But he's tired of the game, tired of always trying to figure out what Lewis wants. He watches, waiting for the next text and when it happens, he crawls off the bed and shuts the TV off, then the Xbox. Crawls back onto the bed, flopping onto his back and waits for Lewis to notice.
It doesn't take long. Nico stares at the ceiling, but out of the corner of his eye he can see Lewis. Glances toward the TV, then the controls, and finally to Nico. The silence is deafening, so when Lewis moves, it startles Nico. Rustling of duvet and track pants and he turns his head without meaning to. Lewis is sitting on the edge of the bed, watching.
"What?" Nico's careful to keep his voice even.
Lewis' voice is firm and even though Nico's turned back to the ceiling, he can feel Lewis staring. "The game?"
Nico almost smiles, because there's something plaintive in Lewis' voice. But he doesn't smile, keeping his voice flat as before. "Over."
This time Lewis slides off the bed, but Nico's ready. He looks hard at the ceiling, counting tiles and he's decided he's going to make Lewis work for this. The bed dips slightly when Lewis kneels and Nico knows he can't keep still for much longer.
"Nico." Lewis' voice is soft now, concerned.
Nico sighs, shifting until he's on his side. He reaches out, tugging a little at Lewis' shirt and sometimes he thinks they don't talk enough.
"Did you want to see me?" There's a hint of the boy that Nico used to know in Lewis' words. Soft tones and Nico cannot, or maybe he doesn't bother to, stop himself from reaching out again. Runs his hand down Lewis' chest, pushing him onto his back.
Lewis goes easily, stretching out and rolling onto his side. They're face to face, so close that Nico could just lean forward and kiss him. But he doesn't, not this time. He keeps his hand pressed against Lewis' chest, imagining he can feel the heart beat. For a minute, maybe longer, neither of them speak. He stares, holding eye contact and it's Lewis who pulls back first. Who speaks first.
"Do you resent me?" There's an insecurity that Nico is surprised to hear. He almost asks what the hell Lewis is talking about, but he catches himself just in time.
The answer comes easily, though.
"No." His voice is soft, just a whisper. He slides his hand up, fingers against Lewis' face. He's always been fascinated by the contrast in their skin tones and for a moment it distracts him. Then Lewis reaches up, covering Nico's hand with his own and the moment's gone.
"Even though ..." The sentence they both know the answer to and Nico thinks that maybe he'd better set things straight.
He leans in, almost kissing Lewis, but not quite. "No." Voice soft at first, then a little louder, firm. "Even though you're better than me."
He doesn't bridge the distance between them, even though he wants to. He watches Lewis' reactions, trying to read him, something he used to be good at. But things change, people change and he can't read Lewis anymore. So he's surprised when Lewis leans in, pressing his mouth roughly against Nico's. The kiss is short, but hard and Nico's left breathless.
"You're just ... You're you." He says lamely, voice shaky and for a moment he can't hold Lewis' gaze.
Lewis kisses him again, soft kisses this time. When he speaks, his mouth moves against Nico's. "We grew up."
Nico nods, sliding closer and he wants Lewis. Maybe he always has, but he knows that Lewis is right. He leans in, kissing Lewis hard, biting gently at his lips as he pulls back. Grins a little and then leans over him, turning the lights out. Everything slides into darkness, save the city at dusk, seeping into the room.
For a moment they are no one, two boys in love in a strange city and just trying to get by. But then Lewis kisses him again and the image vanishes. They are famous and not in love, or at least that's what Nico tells himself. Because he can't keep hanging onto the way things used to be. There's so much more to Lewis now, more responsibilities and he has his own life. They both do.
Then Lewis kisses him again, pressing Nico to the bed. Crawls over him and Nico arches up, pressing their bodies together. Slides his hands along Lewis' shirt, tugging it up and pushing his fingers under. He scrapes his hands along Lewis' sides, tipping his head back and Lewis kisses along his neck.
This is what they do. After they race, before they race. Every day for a week, then nothing for a month. Nico doesn't quite understand it, but he's stopped trying to. When he said goodbye to Lewis the first time, it was hard. Harder than crashing, then losing, than everything mixed together. But when Lewis called him, frantic after a crash, he wondered why he'd ever said goodbye.
So they have this, their secret that no one knows about (or everyone, Nico's never sure because sometimes Lewis just can't keep his hands to himself). It's not about who they are, not about races or cars or celebrity (and Nico knows he'll never be like Lewis, never as good and never as famous). But it's about the two of them, two boys alone in the world without ever really being alone.
Lewis kisses him again, opening his mouth against Nico's. He returns the kiss roughly, arching his back as he hooks one of his legs around Lewis'. Brings their bodies tight together, pressing and he thinks that all he's ever wanted in life is right here, on top of him. He knows that's not the case, but it doesn't matter.
He doesn't love Lewis, he can't love Lewis. It'll never work, Lewis doesn't have time for love. But he has time for this, for them. That's what Nico has, what he takes. Hell, he thinks, it's what he settles for because it's Lewis and he'd rather have this than not have him at all.
Maybe they'll fuck or maybe he'll make Lewis come in his track pants. It doesn't matter, he's long since learned that there's more to Lewis than just sharing a bed. The time Nico gets, the time he steals when he shows up at Lewis' door, that's something no one else has. And it's not enough, it's never going to be enough. But he can live with that, because there's always tomorrow.