FOREVER, got shorter.
why do i keep re-living that day?
July 30th I found out it happened. When exactly did she die? I don't know. I don't know if anyone really knows.
Well, no, i'm sure some people know when it really happened.
i waved at her and she screamed the usual "HI MEEEEEEEEEEG" at me and i screamed back the usual "HI SUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" the day she went missing. (i consider it the day, even though she went missing technically around 1am-2am the following morning) the was the last time i spoke to her. it all started with her and her stupid husband getting into a fight and her taking tons of pain killers (she had had back surgery a few months earlier) to try and numb the pain of her back and of the fight, i guess, and then her stormning out of the house and leaving. he called the cops because he knew she took too many pain killers, i guess.
my brother came home that nite and asked why cops were at her house and i didnt even know they were, and i said i didnt know, someone probably just tried breaking in, and he just said oh. like no big deal. because at the time, it really wasn't. we didnt know what had happened.
a few days later tiffany and i went out, we went EVERYWHERE. freehold mall, seaside. coconuts. mcdonalds on 37 (which, as you know tiff, sucks real bad). anyway, a few hours later, she drove me home and we couldnt get passed sue's house, cops were blocking the road, so i said id just walk, it was 1 house, sue was probably found, i was pretty happy. i told tiff that she was missing for a few days, so they probably found her and was checking stuff. so i just walked home, and i walked into the kitchen, and my mother was drinking wine in the family room, and she never drinks wine.
i said "they found sue?"
she replied, simply: "she's dead."
i said "no."
grabbed the phone and ran outside sobbing.
first person i thought to call was dave, and i dont know why.
i told him my neighbor died, first thing i could think of.
and he drove over about 30 minutes later or so.
the whole time i was waiting for him i was sobbing in my room listening to both of my savage garden cds, which let me tell you, are not good to listen to when you just found out that someone died.
then i put on Bright Eyes.
then dave got here.
i just looked past what was happening and got in his car, by then most of the cops had gone. the street wasn't blocked too much anymore. we picked up my paycheck and parked by the water. and..i just yelled, and i didnt cry much, i dont think, actually, i dont think i cried at all. i just yelled, why did it happen? WHY, sue?! out of anyone. everyone in the damn world. god.
about a week later, i think, was the wake. i dressed in black pants and darkish/light blue shirt. i was a wreck, they had a book of her life. i looked at every picture, every detail. and cried. just cried. people watched. i didnt care. i said a final goodbye to her. we sat through a service. i cried more. and cried. i still cry. they thought it was suicide, but then determined it wasn't. well, duh, it wasn't. i knew it wasn't. its sue.
when i went into the hospital she gave me a pink cross with a pink ribbon tied to the top. its real fragile, so i made my mom hold onto it, i didnt want to break it. shes come to every birthday party ive had since ive moved here at age 5. damn.
now. her husband is moving, they had a moving sale. FUCK. they sold her stuff. ITS HER STUFF. i couldnt look, i didnt leave the house, it was the past weekend. all 3 days. of course hes moving, he just "cant take it" he was...damnit.
yeah. thats it.
rip. keep resting.
July 30th I found out it happened. When exactly did she die? I don't know. I don't know if anyone really knows.
Well, no, i'm sure some people know when it really happened.
i waved at her and she screamed the usual "HI MEEEEEEEEEEG" at me and i screamed back the usual "HI SUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" the day she went missing. (i consider it the day, even though she went missing technically around 1am-2am the following morning) the was the last time i spoke to her. it all started with her and her stupid husband getting into a fight and her taking tons of pain killers (she had had back surgery a few months earlier) to try and numb the pain of her back and of the fight, i guess, and then her stormning out of the house and leaving. he called the cops because he knew she took too many pain killers, i guess.
my brother came home that nite and asked why cops were at her house and i didnt even know they were, and i said i didnt know, someone probably just tried breaking in, and he just said oh. like no big deal. because at the time, it really wasn't. we didnt know what had happened.
a few days later tiffany and i went out, we went EVERYWHERE. freehold mall, seaside. coconuts. mcdonalds on 37 (which, as you know tiff, sucks real bad). anyway, a few hours later, she drove me home and we couldnt get passed sue's house, cops were blocking the road, so i said id just walk, it was 1 house, sue was probably found, i was pretty happy. i told tiff that she was missing for a few days, so they probably found her and was checking stuff. so i just walked home, and i walked into the kitchen, and my mother was drinking wine in the family room, and she never drinks wine.
i said "they found sue?"
she replied, simply: "she's dead."
i said "no."
grabbed the phone and ran outside sobbing.
first person i thought to call was dave, and i dont know why.
i told him my neighbor died, first thing i could think of.
and he drove over about 30 minutes later or so.
the whole time i was waiting for him i was sobbing in my room listening to both of my savage garden cds, which let me tell you, are not good to listen to when you just found out that someone died.
then i put on Bright Eyes.
then dave got here.
i just looked past what was happening and got in his car, by then most of the cops had gone. the street wasn't blocked too much anymore. we picked up my paycheck and parked by the water. and..i just yelled, and i didnt cry much, i dont think, actually, i dont think i cried at all. i just yelled, why did it happen? WHY, sue?! out of anyone. everyone in the damn world. god.
about a week later, i think, was the wake. i dressed in black pants and darkish/light blue shirt. i was a wreck, they had a book of her life. i looked at every picture, every detail. and cried. just cried. people watched. i didnt care. i said a final goodbye to her. we sat through a service. i cried more. and cried. i still cry. they thought it was suicide, but then determined it wasn't. well, duh, it wasn't. i knew it wasn't. its sue.
when i went into the hospital she gave me a pink cross with a pink ribbon tied to the top. its real fragile, so i made my mom hold onto it, i didnt want to break it. shes come to every birthday party ive had since ive moved here at age 5. damn.
now. her husband is moving, they had a moving sale. FUCK. they sold her stuff. ITS HER STUFF. i couldnt look, i didnt leave the house, it was the past weekend. all 3 days. of course hes moving, he just "cant take it" he was...damnit.
yeah. thats it.
rip. keep resting.