Coping chapter 3
Title: Coping chapter 3
Author: parishs
Rating: nothing going on...
Summary: Luke is going back in time, and he hates it.
Disclaimer: I owe nothing...
Author's notes: thanks for reading people, it's still weird that people take time to read my shit. Have a great weekend. <3
I didn’t want to, but I got so dizzy that I fell forward. Just in time he turned around and was able to catch me, thank god. He put me back on me feet again and looked concerned. I felt so embarrassed that I didn’t look at him.
“You okay?’, he asked softly.
I nodded. “I…eh… wanted to ask you if I can make an appointment, I feel sick”.
He tilted my head and looked into my eyes. His eyes were blue. But another kind of blue.
----------------------
“And why do you think that I can help you?”, the skeptical doctor asked.
I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know, I hoped that you can find out if it’s something serious. I am dizzy, have trouble concentrating, I just thought…maybe I have a brain tumor. Or a burn out. But I thought…”.
He kept looking into my eyes. “What?”, he asked. “You thought…I give him his wing an then he will examine me. That’s not how it works, mister Snyder. You have to make an appointment with my secretary and wait in line, like everyone else”.
Why? Didn’t he see how miserable I was? That it would take him 10 minutes of his time, to reassure me that I was okay. Maybe I could sleep again then.
He smirked. “That’s not what you are used to, right? They all treat you like a prince, they bow for you and do what you like. I am sorry, but I am not that kind of person. I don’t think it’s a tumor, and quite frankly I can’t imagine that you can get overworked sitting behind a desk all day. You have to man up a little, and stop whining”.
His sarcastic smile just made it worse. He thought that I was snooty, that I needed his attention because he was famous. Or something, I had no idea why he acted like this. It was no trouble for him to check my blood or whatever was necessary. But he refused.
Although it made me furious, I didn’t show him. “Fuck you, I can find someone else to check me”, I thought, and walked away. But I tripped over something, or got dizzy, and fell. Several people ran to help me, and got me on my feet again. I thanked them all and excused myself for the trouble I was causing.
Jay helped me to a chair and I heard him calling a cab. I wanted to say that I didn’t need one, but I decided to indulge in his good care.
“I will finish this Luke, come on, I will guide you to the cab. Can you stand up?”. He supported me through the room, and I walked next to him, when I heard the doctor say: ”he needs to sleep it off, tomorrow he will be better”.
The words echoed in my mind all evening. I ordered some take out, but when I tasted the sushi, I shivered. I had no relish for it. I drank some orange juice and filled my bath, maybe sitting in the hot water would relax me.
I woke up when I heard someone scream, and after a while I realized that it had been me who had made the sound. I had had a nightmare again. The water was cold and my muscles were stiff. I had to concentrate and use all my power to climb out of the tub to dry myself. My dream had been about Noah, but I didn’t remember why I needed to scream so hard.
Noah. The man I had loved with all my heart. I didn’t know why really, he wasn’t as good-looking as most of the guys I screwed. Maybe it had been his sadness, or the fact that he didn’t want me. Maybe it was as banal as that, that the fact that I had to conquer his heart made that I fell in love with him. He had told me so many times, later, when we were a couple, that he loved me, but it had been words, he didn’t have the fitting feelings. He didn’t respect me, he had always chosen his own path, even when he knew it would hurt me. I had swallowed too much from him.
But it was years ago, why did he loom up in my subconscious? I had never seen him again after our break up, and I wanted to keep it that way. We were done talking. But somehow he visited me at night, trying to tell me something. I just had to figure out what it was.
When my alarm went off, I had slept for two hours. I had been in the middle of a dream when I woke up, maybe that was why I remembered it this time. With a shock I sat straight up.
I had been dreaming about Reid. Doctor Oliver. Suddenly I understood why I had such a bad feeling about him. I remembered his voice, an echo from years ago. He had treated me the time when I ended up drunk in the ER. He had forced me to go home when I was broken.
All the pieces fell together. The pale face, his voice, his small fingers, suddenly I remembered. It brought me back to a time when I was devastated. Maybe seeing this jerk again made that I had gone back in time in my head. Maybe I wasn’t over Noah yet. Or something.
I had tried very hard to forget the guy with the scarred eybrow. It had been around Christmas when Noah had definitely hurt me so much that I told him that we were through. I had been exhausted, but Roth had come to Oakdale with a friend and the introduced me to all kinds of entertainment I didn’t know about, so I thought that everything worked out fine. But looking back, maybe I didn’t mourn enough about what I had lost. Or learn lessons out of it. I just…
In the middle of my worst episode, Reid had fixed me and had thrown me out of the ER. I had deserved it then, his indignation and anger. I was a waste of time, feeling sorry for myself. I got so drunk that I didn’t know who I was. I had lost myself. Noah had taken away my self-esteem and confidence. And my heart.
It was too bad that doctor Oliver hadn’t paid any attention at his psychology classes though. Why didn’t he show any form of compassion? Why didn’t he want to know why I had been so drunk? And now he had turned me down again. Reid thought that I was a SOB. But this time, I was really sick. I didn’t need this pompous guy, but his condemnation hurt me. I had given him the things he had asked for, didn’t that count?
I had to stop doing this. I was whining again. If I needed a doctor to check on me, my grandma would give me a dozen phone numbers of the best neurologists in the country in the morning. My life didn’t depend on him. He was a jerk and a social wreck, that doctor. Reid.