Critics...why are they sent to belittle me?

[parisgrl143]

It has been brought to my attention over the past couple of weeks...that I am just not up to par as many of you would like. Whether it maybe my school work, colorguard, or whatever, you just seem to pick something out that I am doing wrong and make sure to tell me. In a way I can understand that you are just trying to make me better, but then again, it kind of makes me sad, alittle anger, and feel so inferior to you that I just don't know if you truely want me as a friend or just somebody to compete with. I remember when our friendship was when we just sat around and laughed about other people's mistakes, not our own. I kind of miss that, because now all it seems to be is that you achieve so much more than I and want to make sure that I realize that. Which don't get me wrong I totally do and love you for it, but please don't point out in the process that I didn't have the ability to do the things that make you so great. You may not notice it now, but I am trying my hardest to live up to all the achievements and awards that have been given to you. I wish I could be up there with you, but also, I don't want to give up my life, what I was raised to be. I might not be as book smart or street smart as you, but I sure as hell try my very best to be. I have no clue what you want from me, a pat on the back,"Congratulations you made it!"? I mean haven't I done that already? I realize my SAT's suck, I am not in all AP classes, and I don't have the right choice of words when it comes to explaining stuff. If I knew how to do all those things, then I would probably be a pretty close match to you. (which in a way would be weird, no offense, hehe)All I am saying is that I love you for being who you are, but please don't make me feel like shit while you are trying to do that. This live journal was intended for you to get a better understanding about how I feel, not to make you feel angry at me for what I said. I hope you don't take it the wrong way, because all this soul spilling would be wasted...

And now on to another subject that has been nagging me...
For all of you think that I am super obsessed with my boyfriend, just stop what you are saying and think about it. Do you honestly believe that I start the long dragged out converstations about MY boyfriend? nope...you are always the one who brings it up, not me, you. Sure I do go alittle overboard sometimes, I know I know (aka: halloween horror nights, halloween) but you can't blame me for actually WANTING to be with my boyfriend. I am trying my best to be a friend and a girl friend at the same time, and I have to be honest, it's really not that easy, sam can attest. I want to balance my time with everybody, but somehow someone is not happy with me...if only they could understand, argh. I feel bad but I don't at the same time. I apologize that I haven't been around as much as some of you would like, but "that's just the way it is" - Tupac..."get over it!!!!" -Samantha Bragman

Alright enought ranting...see you later