Apr 09, 2003 15:36
I hate repeating the feelings inside of being built up and then knocked back down. What the fuck is this roller coaster bullshit. It isn't that I walk into walls and allow myself to be misled. It is giving someone just enough trust and expect that they must reliable to some normal extent and then realize that is all in vain.
I guess I am more disappointed than anything else. It always appears that the reasons people (girls) like me are because I am easy to talk too, and I treat them as a best friend. Not necessarily someone that just wants to get in her pants. I know I flirt. And some ignorant people misperceive that as me being creepy and perverted. But 100% of the people that know me and actually talk to me on a personal level don't have that impression at all.
I treat these girls as a best friend would. So I believe that on some level they are subconsciously falling into that category. I know I can see the whole “Lets just be friends” thing as them not interested in me at all. But the relationship starts out which much interest, and in some cases we are as interested as primed rabbits.
It just seems that because they view me as a GOOD friend as well, they have that EXTRA openness that they don’t normally have with their other significant others (boyfriends). They almost seem to stop trying to win me over cause they feel this comfortable closeness to me. It is that closeness that makes them content.
And we all know when someone is content they more or less stop trying or trying as hard. In most cases they seem like they don’t have to earn my respect. As if they were dating a guy that would constantly shit on them. They would fall back to feeling the need to win their approval. When she strives to win his approval, she is working at making herself what he wants. To me it seems I always give my approval and accept them for who they are. And that is a two edged sword because in some cases it makes them feel as if they don’t need to earn my respect, because they feel they already have it.
I think treating significant others with too much friendship and respect may be hurting me. It may be my way of pushing them into this comfort bubble with me that throws me in some fucked up category of “games already won” not “game in progress”
Frustrating to say the least.
Oh well. What can you do?