Dec 25, 2004 19:59
Here's the sum of all knowlege, which I learned by watching too much television back in the 1970's, '80, and '90s (actually, it could also apply to most films of those decades as well):
During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
When trapped in a cave, you'll always have handy a perfect, evenly burning torch.
During a car chase, you'll always crash thru at least one pile of empty boxes at some point.
If you find yourself exploring deep space, you can bet that at least once, usually twice a year you'll run into an exact duplicate of yourself. Chances are that the duplicate will be sinister,as well.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place.
No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition, even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make
the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not
be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer
beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his
forthcoming art exhibition.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe.
Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective - or give
him 48 hours to finish the job.
A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK
Stadium.
Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to
turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red
readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are
visiting.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
No-one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds -unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child.
Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.