To Experience
I'm reminded of a conversation I had with a friend of mine a while ago about having bad dating experiences and how they shape you. Having had quite a few bad dating experiences of my own and having very few in comparison for reasons I won't go into, I was surprised to hear him say that he wants to have those experiences and to grow.
I guess I'm just fascinated by how somebody could voluntarily say that they want to experience the pain someone else experienced so they can grow from it. I always imgained that if someone had a fairly nice life and they were forunate and blessed enough to have things go their way that they wouldn't really want to make waves. I figured that the "if it's no broken then don't fix it" attitude was pretty universal so to hear someone say please let me live the pain you've experienced was rather striking.
Well it turns out that this confusion in my head and in my heart must have been touching on some kind of nerve. Now that this person is no longer attached and has the freedom to go out and be hurt in the ways I've experienced them, he's choosing what might be considered a less rocky road in some ways to getting more life experience. Without going into detail, he is staying with what he knows best and while it is painful in its own way it's not anything at all like what I would've experienced. In a way while there is pain, it has a hedonistic quality because the attention he'll get through this way of finding people will be incredibly reinforcing (to use a dirty word) as he'll get an ego boost along the way from said people he's pursuing (again not something that I experience and I'm forced to fight off the tendency to become the narcissistic superman in response).
Any elements of bitterness in here are because I recently discussed with said person how I felt and feelings weren't reciprocated. We're still friends because I'm much too masochistic (bka grownup) to sever friendship over such an event.
I guess I'm just fascinated by how somebody could voluntarily say that they want to experience the pain someone else experienced so they can grow from it. I always imgained that if someone had a fairly nice life and they were forunate and blessed enough to have things go their way that they wouldn't really want to make waves. I figured that the "if it's no broken then don't fix it" attitude was pretty universal so to hear someone say please let me live the pain you've experienced was rather striking.
Well it turns out that this confusion in my head and in my heart must have been touching on some kind of nerve. Now that this person is no longer attached and has the freedom to go out and be hurt in the ways I've experienced them, he's choosing what might be considered a less rocky road in some ways to getting more life experience. Without going into detail, he is staying with what he knows best and while it is painful in its own way it's not anything at all like what I would've experienced. In a way while there is pain, it has a hedonistic quality because the attention he'll get through this way of finding people will be incredibly reinforcing (to use a dirty word) as he'll get an ego boost along the way from said people he's pursuing (again not something that I experience and I'm forced to fight off the tendency to become the narcissistic superman in response).
Any elements of bitterness in here are because I recently discussed with said person how I felt and feelings weren't reciprocated. We're still friends because I'm much too masochistic (bka grownup) to sever friendship over such an event.