The Deeper Meaning (Part 2)
Part 2 (Part 1)
“I know I’m stating the obvious, but this is not the way to my house.” Cuddy speaks and it’s actually taken longer than I had expected for her to notice.
“Ah, yeah we’re stopping by my place first.”
“House, I just want to go home and take a bath.”
“You can take a bath at my place.” I throw out casually, but this is Cuddy; my nemesis, the yin to my yang, the one person who knows me best. So, I knew it would take her only a few…
“What did you do House?” She asks her eyes burrowing into the side of my head, which I keep forward with my eyes focused on the road.
“I told your parents they could stay with you for the weekend and told them where you keep your spare key.” Then there’s a deafening silence. After a few moments I shoot her a look only to find her head turned as she stares out the window. “I’m sorry, I did that before I…” I can’t bring myself to say the words and judging by the sour look clouding Cuddy’s face, she didn’t want me to say it either. “I’m sorry,” We drove on in silence.
~~~~
“I’ll just go start that bath and grab one of my t-shirts, it’ll be big enough for you. You can have the bed.” This seems to have ignited a flame behind her dormant eyes as she flashes me with brief concern. “Its ok I’ll pop enough Vic I won’t feel ‘much’ pain, you can take the bed.” She doesn’t reply and so I go to draw the bath. When I return I find her sitting on my piano chair, her back to the keys, staring at every area in the room, yet I doubt she was taking anything in.
“Your bath awaits madam,”
“Thanks,” Cuddy replies but doesn’t make a move to stand.
“I hope you’re not expecting me to carry you.” I joke, hoping to get at least a smirk…there’s nothing. “Come on, get in there by the time you get out our food should be here.” She then stands and makes a slow trek to the bathroom, and I watch her until she closes the door. I head to the phone to place a call to Ragatzi’s, which I happen to know is Cuddy’s favorite Italian restaurant. Once I hang up the phone I lumber to the couch to wait for either Cuddy to come out from her bath or for the delivery guy to arrive with the food, my money’s on the delivery guy in first. As I sit a slight panic fills me, for the first time ever I actually fear talking to Cuddy. Sure I sometimes avoid talking to her mainly because our conversations consists of her telling me to do work, and that’s something I just don’t care to hear, especially when I’m trying hard not to work. But never have I feared talking to Cuddy. I’m at a loss as to what I’m supposed to say and I don’t have Wilson to tell me. I know bringing Wilson in on this would be an unforgivable betrayal of Cuddy’s trust, and right now I think I’m probably the ‘only’ person she truly trusts.
~~~~
We eat in silence, well I eat and Cuddy picks over her Spinach Alfredo pasta. “You should eat your veggies, they’ll help you grow big and strong, just look at Popeye. People look at him and they think steroids, but that’s all spinach baby.” That gets a smile and so I press on. “Not hungry?”
“House,” She finally speaks as she stares at me with frightened eyes. “About before, about what I said I…”
“Hey we can talk about it later or not at all, whatever you feel like doing.” She nods and I’m filled with relief because I’m still at a loss as to what I’m to say or do, and I’m thinking that ‘winging it’ just aint gonna do in this situation.
“I guess I’ll go lie down if that’s ok?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“I should probably call my parents.” She announces and as I watch her I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so worn down, so defeated.
“Uh, I actually took care of it, they think you’re stuck at the hospital, some crisis that will most likely take all night.”
“Thanks,” She says in near whisper. Damn I hate seeing her like this. She’s ‘My Cuddy’ and she’s not suppose to be weak, vulnerable, and broken. She’s not supposed to have those feeling, or at least never show them. She’s supposed to be the yin to my yang.
~~~~
I enter the bedroom first and turn on the light. It’s a good thing I remembered to change the sheets after my recent ‘Distraction’ paid me a visit. “Sheets are clean, you’re not a drooler are you?” I ask in mock seriousness.
“No,” She answers with a soft laugh and I’m quite pleased with myself to have invoked a genuine smile from her.
“Good…so, there’s the bed. You know where the kitchen and bathroom are, help yourself to both.” I speak as she moves and sits at the foot of the bed her eyes latch onto me and I instantly began to fidget. “So I’ll just leave you alone then.” I quickly say and then turn to leave before she can say something…
“Please, don’t go.” …Something like that. Damn. “You have a king size here, there’s no reason for you to rough it out on the couch. Your leg…”
“Will be fine, really.” I cut her off hoping to squash the idea of us sharing a bed.
“We’re both adults House, we can share a bed. I promise not to take advantage of you in your sleep.”
“I make no such promise.” I half joke and again she smiles, and its enough to make me move a bit closer to the bed.
“Well will you lay with me until I fall asleep?” She asks with pleading eyes. We both know that sleep will be a long time coming, if it comes at all. I concede with a nod. And with a broad smile Cuddy moves up to the head of the bed and burrows under the covers. I stand transfixed at this scene, Cuddy in my bed wearing only my t-shirt. I do recall many dreams with this very scenario, yet this reality is in no way as erotic. Once she’s settled in I move to the opposite side of the bed and sit down. I kick off my shoes and then lie back fully clothed upon the bed, lying flat on my back. I can see Cuddy out the corner of my eye, she lies curled up on her side, facing me, watching me.
“You forgot to turn off the light,” She whispers, and I’m baffled for a moment as to why she’s whispering. Then I lift my hands and clap twice. The room darkens, the only illumination coming from the window. I could tell she was laughing by the small noises she was fighting to keep in and the fact that the bed was shaking. “Hey many disabled people have a clapper.” I defend.
“You’re just lazy.” She says around her giggles, still whispering. “House.” She calls to me and then pauses and I know she wants my full attention so I turn on my side to face her. Our faces nearly a foot apart, we lie staring at each other for a moment before she continues. “Please don’t say anything about…it. Not even to Wilson, ok?” She asks nervously and I feel like a right bastard. I now know that my words matter to her for whatever reason, my thoughts, my behavior, they all matter to her. Our usual tic for tat has not just some game we play, as I had thought. She takes all the crap I throw at her in stride, and she gives as good as she gets, but I can now see that she takes it seriously, takes me seriously. Knowing this will take some of the fun out of it now.
“I won’t.” I simply say and I mean it. And my eyes have adjusted enough for me to see she’s contemplating my reply, weighing if I’m lying or telling her the truth. “Your secret is safe with my Lisa.” I feel her sigh.
“Thank you, for not telling and for…for knowing. It’s been mine for 28 years and it’s a bit of a relief to tell someone.”
“Why?” I ask without thinking my curiosity having got the best of me. “Why didn’t you ever tell someone, anyone before now?”
“I was 12, I was scared, he was my daddy, I thought it was normal…take your pick. It was just once.” She says and it angers me a bit.
“Once was enough, he was still wrong. Never mind you were ‘his’ child, you we’re just ‘a’ child.”
“I’m not defending him,” She lies and she knows she’s lying and knows I know it and before I can comments on it she recants. “Ok, maybe I am defending him, but…I don’t know I guess I’ve been doing it so long it a reflex now. Before that night my daddy was the best daddy in the world in my eyes, and I was his princess. I did everything I could to please him, to make him take notice and to be proud of me. I loved that he doted on me. Then afterwards, he stopped. He never touched me again…period, never praised me anymore. I stopped being his princess. I thought I had done something wrong and so I worked even harder to regain his attention to make him proud of me again. I was the best at everything I did. Had to be the top in every class; the youngest person to accomplish this, the only girl to do that, all to make ‘him’ take notice and to be his ‘princess’ once more. God it all sounds so fucking sick.”
“No, actually it explains a lot Miss Lisa ‘Duddy’.” I state and she frowns a bit in confusion and so I explain. “That was the name we gave you in college. We called you ‘Duddy’ because you never wanted to do anything except study. Miss overachiever you.”
“That wasn’t because of my daddy…”
“Will you please stop with the ‘Daddy’ shit? Its ok to call him what he really is, a fuck face bastard.” I say seething a bit, and she nods in agreement.
“It wasn’t because of him, at least not because I wanted to please him. I buried myself in my schoolwork as an excuse not to interact. It was hard for me, I wanted to but when someone got too close…I” She pauses but I don’t interrupt, somehow I know this is something she needs to tell. And although I’m the last person who wants to be told this particular story, I’m all she has and so I keep my mouth shut and I just listen. “House, you know I’ve been doing the invtro, well It’s not because of my age or because I’m infertile. It’s because I’ve never tried with a man.” She says and then watches my face, which has to hold a look of utter confusion. “Well that’s not entirely true, I tried a couple of times, you remember Bryan Abrams from college? Well we dated for a couple of months and well ‘we’ tried but never finished. I always stopped him; I was too scared…I felt like I couldn’t breathe. And even now, there have been guys and some have been serious and then when we become ‘intimate’ I chicken out. So I bury myself in my work and use that as a security blanket and an excuse for not dating, and not settling down. I didn’t make Dean of Medicine at the age of 32 for nothing.” She tries to joke but I’m not amused in fact I’m still bemused. Did Cuddy just tell me that ‘technically’ she is still a virgin?
“I know I’m stating the obvious, but this is not the way to my house.” Cuddy speaks and it’s actually taken longer than I had expected for her to notice.
“Ah, yeah we’re stopping by my place first.”
“House, I just want to go home and take a bath.”
“You can take a bath at my place.” I throw out casually, but this is Cuddy; my nemesis, the yin to my yang, the one person who knows me best. So, I knew it would take her only a few…
“What did you do House?” She asks her eyes burrowing into the side of my head, which I keep forward with my eyes focused on the road.
“I told your parents they could stay with you for the weekend and told them where you keep your spare key.” Then there’s a deafening silence. After a few moments I shoot her a look only to find her head turned as she stares out the window. “I’m sorry, I did that before I…” I can’t bring myself to say the words and judging by the sour look clouding Cuddy’s face, she didn’t want me to say it either. “I’m sorry,” We drove on in silence.
~~~~
“I’ll just go start that bath and grab one of my t-shirts, it’ll be big enough for you. You can have the bed.” This seems to have ignited a flame behind her dormant eyes as she flashes me with brief concern. “Its ok I’ll pop enough Vic I won’t feel ‘much’ pain, you can take the bed.” She doesn’t reply and so I go to draw the bath. When I return I find her sitting on my piano chair, her back to the keys, staring at every area in the room, yet I doubt she was taking anything in.
“Your bath awaits madam,”
“Thanks,” Cuddy replies but doesn’t make a move to stand.
“I hope you’re not expecting me to carry you.” I joke, hoping to get at least a smirk…there’s nothing. “Come on, get in there by the time you get out our food should be here.” She then stands and makes a slow trek to the bathroom, and I watch her until she closes the door. I head to the phone to place a call to Ragatzi’s, which I happen to know is Cuddy’s favorite Italian restaurant. Once I hang up the phone I lumber to the couch to wait for either Cuddy to come out from her bath or for the delivery guy to arrive with the food, my money’s on the delivery guy in first. As I sit a slight panic fills me, for the first time ever I actually fear talking to Cuddy. Sure I sometimes avoid talking to her mainly because our conversations consists of her telling me to do work, and that’s something I just don’t care to hear, especially when I’m trying hard not to work. But never have I feared talking to Cuddy. I’m at a loss as to what I’m supposed to say and I don’t have Wilson to tell me. I know bringing Wilson in on this would be an unforgivable betrayal of Cuddy’s trust, and right now I think I’m probably the ‘only’ person she truly trusts.
~~~~
We eat in silence, well I eat and Cuddy picks over her Spinach Alfredo pasta. “You should eat your veggies, they’ll help you grow big and strong, just look at Popeye. People look at him and they think steroids, but that’s all spinach baby.” That gets a smile and so I press on. “Not hungry?”
“House,” She finally speaks as she stares at me with frightened eyes. “About before, about what I said I…”
“Hey we can talk about it later or not at all, whatever you feel like doing.” She nods and I’m filled with relief because I’m still at a loss as to what I’m to say or do, and I’m thinking that ‘winging it’ just aint gonna do in this situation.
“I guess I’ll go lie down if that’s ok?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“I should probably call my parents.” She announces and as I watch her I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so worn down, so defeated.
“Uh, I actually took care of it, they think you’re stuck at the hospital, some crisis that will most likely take all night.”
“Thanks,” She says in near whisper. Damn I hate seeing her like this. She’s ‘My Cuddy’ and she’s not suppose to be weak, vulnerable, and broken. She’s not supposed to have those feeling, or at least never show them. She’s supposed to be the yin to my yang.
~~~~
I enter the bedroom first and turn on the light. It’s a good thing I remembered to change the sheets after my recent ‘Distraction’ paid me a visit. “Sheets are clean, you’re not a drooler are you?” I ask in mock seriousness.
“No,” She answers with a soft laugh and I’m quite pleased with myself to have invoked a genuine smile from her.
“Good…so, there’s the bed. You know where the kitchen and bathroom are, help yourself to both.” I speak as she moves and sits at the foot of the bed her eyes latch onto me and I instantly began to fidget. “So I’ll just leave you alone then.” I quickly say and then turn to leave before she can say something…
“Please, don’t go.” …Something like that. Damn. “You have a king size here, there’s no reason for you to rough it out on the couch. Your leg…”
“Will be fine, really.” I cut her off hoping to squash the idea of us sharing a bed.
“We’re both adults House, we can share a bed. I promise not to take advantage of you in your sleep.”
“I make no such promise.” I half joke and again she smiles, and its enough to make me move a bit closer to the bed.
“Well will you lay with me until I fall asleep?” She asks with pleading eyes. We both know that sleep will be a long time coming, if it comes at all. I concede with a nod. And with a broad smile Cuddy moves up to the head of the bed and burrows under the covers. I stand transfixed at this scene, Cuddy in my bed wearing only my t-shirt. I do recall many dreams with this very scenario, yet this reality is in no way as erotic. Once she’s settled in I move to the opposite side of the bed and sit down. I kick off my shoes and then lie back fully clothed upon the bed, lying flat on my back. I can see Cuddy out the corner of my eye, she lies curled up on her side, facing me, watching me.
“You forgot to turn off the light,” She whispers, and I’m baffled for a moment as to why she’s whispering. Then I lift my hands and clap twice. The room darkens, the only illumination coming from the window. I could tell she was laughing by the small noises she was fighting to keep in and the fact that the bed was shaking. “Hey many disabled people have a clapper.” I defend.
“You’re just lazy.” She says around her giggles, still whispering. “House.” She calls to me and then pauses and I know she wants my full attention so I turn on my side to face her. Our faces nearly a foot apart, we lie staring at each other for a moment before she continues. “Please don’t say anything about…it. Not even to Wilson, ok?” She asks nervously and I feel like a right bastard. I now know that my words matter to her for whatever reason, my thoughts, my behavior, they all matter to her. Our usual tic for tat has not just some game we play, as I had thought. She takes all the crap I throw at her in stride, and she gives as good as she gets, but I can now see that she takes it seriously, takes me seriously. Knowing this will take some of the fun out of it now.
“I won’t.” I simply say and I mean it. And my eyes have adjusted enough for me to see she’s contemplating my reply, weighing if I’m lying or telling her the truth. “Your secret is safe with my Lisa.” I feel her sigh.
“Thank you, for not telling and for…for knowing. It’s been mine for 28 years and it’s a bit of a relief to tell someone.”
“Why?” I ask without thinking my curiosity having got the best of me. “Why didn’t you ever tell someone, anyone before now?”
“I was 12, I was scared, he was my daddy, I thought it was normal…take your pick. It was just once.” She says and it angers me a bit.
“Once was enough, he was still wrong. Never mind you were ‘his’ child, you we’re just ‘a’ child.”
“I’m not defending him,” She lies and she knows she’s lying and knows I know it and before I can comments on it she recants. “Ok, maybe I am defending him, but…I don’t know I guess I’ve been doing it so long it a reflex now. Before that night my daddy was the best daddy in the world in my eyes, and I was his princess. I did everything I could to please him, to make him take notice and to be proud of me. I loved that he doted on me. Then afterwards, he stopped. He never touched me again…period, never praised me anymore. I stopped being his princess. I thought I had done something wrong and so I worked even harder to regain his attention to make him proud of me again. I was the best at everything I did. Had to be the top in every class; the youngest person to accomplish this, the only girl to do that, all to make ‘him’ take notice and to be his ‘princess’ once more. God it all sounds so fucking sick.”
“No, actually it explains a lot Miss Lisa ‘Duddy’.” I state and she frowns a bit in confusion and so I explain. “That was the name we gave you in college. We called you ‘Duddy’ because you never wanted to do anything except study. Miss overachiever you.”
“That wasn’t because of my daddy…”
“Will you please stop with the ‘Daddy’ shit? Its ok to call him what he really is, a fuck face bastard.” I say seething a bit, and she nods in agreement.
“It wasn’t because of him, at least not because I wanted to please him. I buried myself in my schoolwork as an excuse not to interact. It was hard for me, I wanted to but when someone got too close…I” She pauses but I don’t interrupt, somehow I know this is something she needs to tell. And although I’m the last person who wants to be told this particular story, I’m all she has and so I keep my mouth shut and I just listen. “House, you know I’ve been doing the invtro, well It’s not because of my age or because I’m infertile. It’s because I’ve never tried with a man.” She says and then watches my face, which has to hold a look of utter confusion. “Well that’s not entirely true, I tried a couple of times, you remember Bryan Abrams from college? Well we dated for a couple of months and well ‘we’ tried but never finished. I always stopped him; I was too scared…I felt like I couldn’t breathe. And even now, there have been guys and some have been serious and then when we become ‘intimate’ I chicken out. So I bury myself in my work and use that as a security blanket and an excuse for not dating, and not settling down. I didn’t make Dean of Medicine at the age of 32 for nothing.” She tries to joke but I’m not amused in fact I’m still bemused. Did Cuddy just tell me that ‘technically’ she is still a virgin?