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So I'm an ass. Fighting with the ones that you love isn't cool. Regretting everything you say is even worse. This season [Christmas] has a weird effect on people. Some will get very happy, some will be sad and some will be stressed out. It sucks that you are stressed and I don't help. I love you but I'm only saying it once. :P
It's frightening to think that our relationship has come so close to ending. Working on it is the only solution. You know, to think about it, I have learned so much in these 9 months of dating. I have learned a lot about relationships and other people. I want to let everyone know what I have learned and use this guide as a reference. The things I have learned about relationships will help me get out the same situation if it reoccurs. I have compiled a little guide. This guide is my opinions and thoughts on relationships. You may not agree. Too bad, it's my journal and I can say what I want to say. Leave now if you don't want to read it but otherwise, enjoy!
1. People need their space
So you may think that being together every day is amazing. Look at your parents or older sisters or brothers who are in a relationship, it looks like fun and it will be, but not until you hit a certain point in your life. If you rush it, you will miss out on a lot of things. People can only handle so much time together and constant affection will smother your relationship flame. Time away not only lets your recap all the good things about your relationship, but it lets you have freedom.
Until you are married, teenage relationships have to be able to breathe. Finding time to be away from one another will be different and you will have to talk it over with your partner. Don't over do it, to much time away and it could be disastrous as well.
2. Trust
This is from personal experiences. Trusting your partner will be one of the most cherished things you can do for your relationship. On the topic of a loving relationship, trusting your partner to not fool around and to be there for you is what will count. If you have trust in one another, the relationship gets that much better.
Don't get jealous of other guys or girls. Ex boyfriends/girlfriends may be apart of your existing relationship, unless posing a threat (i.e. making secret arranged meetings, talking about wanting to get back together, being secretive with one another,etc.) you have nothing to worry about. Ex-relationships contain people like you and me. They are part of the past. If your partner will not give up his/her past loves and realize that the feelings aren't there anymore, you may have difficulty with your current relationship. Again, talk it over with your partner.
3. Intimacy
Relationships have many many parts to them. There is the friendship side to them and then there is the loving side to them. The time you kiss when no one is looking or lie in a bed and sleep(while holding each other) or even hold hands, they are all parts of the intimate relationship. Without it, and by I mean without it, I mean without kissing, holding and feeling, the relationship becomes no more than a very close friendship. Intimacy boosts confidence because it makes you feel like there is no one else in the world that this person can be happy with.
SEX IS NOT ALWAYS A PART OF THIS. People seem to believe that to be intimate, is to have sex, or to touch each other sexually. Yes, sex is a part of a healthy relationship, but only when both parties want it. There is nothing wrong with sex though. :) When it comes to sexual intimacy, it will only be healthy when everyone wants it. For most men, this is hard to accept and understand and sex ruins a lot of good things. It has for me so that is why I will say, try and keep away from it until everyone is ready and make sure it means something.
4. Fights
I will just start off by saying, AVOID THEM AT ALL COSTS!!! Fights damage and hurt relationships in every way. It may make a relationship stronger and it will inform you of what you are doing wrong. There are consequences to fights though. Your partner may be upset with your for a long time, you might end up single or your car's windshield smashed in. Whatever your case may be, you need to plan ahead. Try not to elevate things and stay on subject. Sometimes that worse happens and you finally realize that you two just are not meant for each other. That really is the worse ending but it will be easier on your emotions and there are a lot of people out there.
Take your time and NEVER RUSH decisions.
Most time though, especially if there is a lot of love going on, you will get through anything. Forgiving and forgetting helps. Talk about it and say things that has been bothering you. Feel free to tell every last thing that has been on your mind. I will say this though, don't make rash decisions though. When people are pushed past their emotional limits that decision making is no better than when they are drunk. There aren't a lot of things you can do once a fight is over. If things end sour, walk it off, take some time apart from each other. Don't find an escape by consuming alcohol or drugs. Talk to someone. No one to talk to? Find something that relaxes you. Music, driving, video games, sleep, movies, writing, working, etc. but try and calm down and go back and talk again at a later point.
On the other hand, if things turn out just fine or appear to be getting better, stay together and make up. Use judgment when it comes to deciding what to do next. A hug or a kiss may help you feel close again. Make him or her laugh and suggest going out for a bit and do something that relaxes you both. This way, the bond will feel like it's regaining strength and at the end of the day, everything should be back to normal.
Never ignore a problem and don't leave it out to dry for too long. There are damaging side effects for most people and you wouldn't ignore that your house is on fire, so don't ignore a problem in your relationship.
5.Communication
Last step for now.
Communicating with your partner has probably been stamped into your head by now, as an important way of being close to your partner and you're right. Communication between two people helps a relationship so much because it just brings you that much closer to the other person. When there is a problem, talk about it. Talk about your day and talk about things that mean a lot to you, to your partner. This not only makes you look like you care but it makes him/her feel important because you have chosen to include them into your life.
There are lots of people who have communication problems. They might not know how to tell you or are to nervous/scared/shy, whatever the reason may be, you need to be on the look out for a problem and you might have to ask "What's going on in your life?" Most couples will find that once they have communicated and are on a constant basis of telling each other what's going on in their lives, problems will eventually be a thing of the past because you get to know exactly what bothers him or her. You have that assurance that you will be able to fix anything that gets in the way.
More to come in the future.
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By: Andrew Parker 2006
So this is my little guide. It might be lacking things and that's okay with me. I'm not an expert at all on dating or relationships. I just wrote this because I felt like writing stuff thats in my head out in another medium. Things like this just interest me. You might read this and say "Well, it wasn't that good" but I mean, look at what I've said and compare it to the relationship(s) you're in. You might find out what's been causing the problem(s). Everyone is different and that means every relationship will be different. One thing you can do, is always stay calm. It's hard but try to. Work out your differences, accept each other and love one another. Remember, you're in a relationship because something attracted you to that person (well if there is another reason that's cool too). Just try to work through your problems and realize when a relationship has become a lost cause. It's hard to leave the one you thought you loved but it happens. Love is the hardest emotion to comprehend. It's the most difficult to master but once you find it in someone else, life just becomes that much better. Thank you for your time, I hope you like what I have said. This was not written for anyone, in case you were wondering. This is just a general post. Anyways, have a great Christmas and a happy new year. -ap