The Vegetarian Cannibals, Part 3 of ?
You know, given how much I bitch about it these days, it might surprise you to learn that at first I liked my job.
That's not really the right way to put it, of course. It wasn't so much the job that I liked. It was the benefits. And I'm not even talking about the obvious stuff; I mean the way I would just wake up every morning and know that every other student in the school was going to live her little life and die her little death, but I mattered. I mattered to the world. When I decided to patrol the southern cemeteries instead of the northern ones, I ruined somebody's day and made somebody's night.
The doors in my college dorm are all personalized, in a very impersonal way. It's all the same sort of thing - noteboards, pictures, slogans. Willow put up one of those “Coffee! You can sleep when you're dead!” things, in spite of the fact that caffeine causes her to vibrate when she sits down. Will always tries a little too hard to fit in.
Xander's door is blank.
It takes him a while to answer, during which I stare at the mildewed ceiling and wonder if I should get Giles to find me a taser for dealing with humans who get in the way during slayage. I am so going to be pissed when all my friends develop Parkinson's.
He looks surprised to see me, which saddens me a little. Maybe I miss him. Maybe I miss high school. I sniff the air, which in Xander's house is a dangerous practice.
“Looking for someone?” he asks.
“Why wouldn't I be looking for you?”
“You're not looking for me.”
“I'm not looking for you.”
“She's been killing people.” I want him to deny it.
“I know.”
“Tell me you know because you've dealt with it.”
“Oh, yeah. You're the world expert at dealing with evil vampire lovers.”
“Says the world expert at bitching at me for not dealing with them.”
He starts to say something, then breaks off. I stare at him for a while.
“You know how it has to end, don't you?” I ask. “You have to know.”
“I know I'm in love with her.”
“You aren't a bad person, Xander.”
“Those people,” he says. “All those people. Those horrible, worthless people. They should be thinking 'at least my life was lost for something that mattered more than cigarettes and fast food.'”
“They're thinking 'What is this adorable bitey thing doing on my neck?' followed shortly by “Wurgh.'”
“Not everyone is worth the same. Some people deserve more.”
“You don't believe that.”
“I don't believe that.”
“She isn't even a person, Xander. You're in love with Willow's clothes.”
“Isn't life grand?”
“There are vampires everywhere, Xander,” I tell him. “If you and Ms. Skanksalot live somewhere else, you aren't any different from them. But I have to kill demons in Sunnydale. You know that.”
“You're telling me to leave?”
“I'm telling you to leave.”
He stares at me for a while before shutting the door.
“I love you, Xander,” I tell the blank door.
I don't like my job so much these days.