[DCU] In a World Without You, Part 1
Title: In a World Without You (1/5)
Fandom: DC Universe
Characters/Pairings: Tim/Kon
Rating: R
Spoilers: None, unless you have no idea what happens in Infinite Crisis.
Warnings: Dark themes, lots of angst, mentions of character death, language, psychological/emotional unbalances and mature sexual content.
Word Count: 1966 (for this part)
Summary: After Kon's death, Tim copes in the only way he knows how: ... he doesn't.
Notes: This was written as a drabble-request from someone on tumblr, but like always... I took the prompt and exploded it into this massive, complicated storyline. If it wasn't obvious from the summary, this fic takes place some time after Kon's death… so yeah, you know how that goes. Honestly, this is the most angsty things I've ever written. I don't know why I do this to myself.
By the time Tim got to his room, he was tired. More than tired actually. He was exhausted. Exhausted and disappointed.
His 45th attempt at the cloning process proved to be, once again, unsuccessful, but like always he couldn’t bring himself to stop. As soon as the computer was able, he quickly punched in the restart button and felt his hope rise as the simulation stated a 46th attempt was now in progress.
He was more than aware that what he was trying to do was insane and probably impossible-and there was no way anything he could possibly create would ever amount to the real Kon. He knew he could never ever replace the one he lost.
But… he just couldn’t live in a world without Kon in it. This new ‘Kon’ would be enough. At least, enough for Tim to feel like he was whole again. One way or another, he was getting his best friend back. Even if he had to try a million times, so be it.
Tim fell against the mattress of his bed and shut his eyes. And just like that, he was seeing Kon again. Hear his laugh. See his smile. The blueness of his eyes. The scent of grass and sun and wind. And skin and lips that felt like fire when they touched Tim’s.
Tim…
“Kon…” Tim murmured, falling asleep to the ghost of fingers brushing over his hair.
000
Tim began to shake as the glow of red lights blinked the words right back at him:
87th Cloning Attempt: Fail.
“Computer,” he prompted through his teeth, “begin Cloning Attempt Number 88.”
“Cloning Attempt #88 now in progress,” the computer relayed instantly.
“C’mon,” Tim muttered. In the back of his mind he can hear Kon whispering something to him again, his voice so close, but till so far. Tim squeezed his hands together. “C’mon.”
000
“Hey, Tim,” said Kon as they sat on the roof of the Tower, “do you think we’d still be friends if we weren’t superheroes? You know… like regular people?”
Tim raised an eyebrow at him. “What brought this up all of a sudden?” he asked.
Kon shrugged. “I guess it was something I heard Raven mention to Cassie once. About meeting certain people in your life, no matter what destinies we had.”
“You know I’m not much of a Houdini when it comes to things like fate,” said Tim wearily.
“I know,” said Kon and looked at the sky, where the stars were twinkling one by one. “I was just … curious, that’s all. I mean…” He shrugged again, as if trying to appear nonchalant about it, “I think it’d just suck if I never got to meet you.”
Tim felt his face begin to heat up and his heart start to pick up speed. He quickly tipped his head back and stared at the sky as well.
“Well, if we weren’t superheroes and just regular people,” he found himself saying, “I think we’d be as we are now.”
He felt, rather than saw, Kon grin at him. “Yeah, you’re probably right,” he said, playfully nudging Tim’s shoulder. “You’d probably still be a pain in the ass though.”
Tim shoved his shoulder back. “Speak for yourself,” he laughed.
000
125th Cloning Attempt: Fail.
“Again, computer,” Tim barked, his voice hoarse.
“Cloning Attempt #126 now in progress,” said the simulation.
Tim sank to the ground and buried his face in his arms, trying to steady himself. His hands were trembling and he could scarcely breathe without his chest physically aching.
“What are you doing, Tim?” He heard Kon say in his head again, only this time the voice was louder, almost palpable enough for Tim to feel the consternation that came along with the tone.
Tim gripped his forearms tighter. “I don’t know,” he admitted. He wanted to laugh, but he couldn’t even bring himself to do that either. In a smaller voice, he said again, “I really don’t know anymore…”
000
“Oh, man, you weren’t kidding when you said you had a weak stomach for spicy foods,” said Kon as he carried Tim from the house and headed towards the loft at the barn.
“I’m just not used to it, that’s all,” said Tim weakly.
Kon drifted them over to the pull-out couch and gently deposited Tim there.
“If you get stomachaches like these you didn’t have to eat Ma’s curry you know…” said Kon softly, looking worried now.
Tim shook his head. “I didn’t want to be rude, and anyway, I’m okay,” he mumbled, and groaned when he felt a particularly unpleasant stab in his gut.
Without thinking, he leaned forward and rested his forehead against Kon’s shoulder, trying to breathe properly. He was in too much discomfort to care or even think of the consequences his actions might lead to. At this moment, all he could think about was how infinitely better he felt being around Kon.
“Sorry,” he said, his voice shaking despite himself, “I… just need to sit down for awhile.”
Kon slipped his arm around Tim’s waist and pulled him close. “It’s alright,” he murmured, his cheek on the top of Tim’s head. “I don’t mind…”
000
300th Cloning Attempt: Fail.
“No, no, no, no, no!” Tim cried, staring at the screen with wide, hallow eyes. He was shaking so badly he didn’t know if he could stop anymore. He wasn’t sure when was the last time he slept or ate, but his reflection on the monitor told him exactly how much of either he’d been lacking… or neglecting.
“Tim,” said Kon’s voice in his head, and this time, he sounded worried. Scared. “Tim, you need to stop this…”
But he couldn’t stop though. He needed… he needed Kon back. It was probably the only thing keeping him from going completely crazy. To stop now would mean… letting go of Kon. And that was something Tim wasn’t sure he was capable of doing.
He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and said in a moderately even voice, “Computer, initiate next attempt.”
“Cloning Attempt #301 now in progress,” said the computer.
However, Tim no longer felt himself growing hopeful when the screen began anew.
000
You have 1 new message:
“Tim? It’s me. Dick. I know you wanted to be on your own, but please don’t be a stranger. You can come home any time you want. I know you can handle yourself, but I’m worried about you. At least give me a call and let me know you’re alright. I… I guess I’ll talk to you later. See ya, little brother.”
000
“You’re such an idiot, you know that?” Tim exploded.
“Well, it worked didn’t it?” Kon snapped right back. “If I didn’t take that thing to space, it would have blown half the planet to kingdom come!”
“And what about you?” Tim shouted, glaring heatedly at him. “Did you ever stop and think what could have happened to you if you hadn’t gotten away in time?!”
“I would have done my fucking job, that’s what!” Kon said angrily. They were nose to nose at this point, but neither one of them was willing to back down first. “I’m a superhero, Tim. Saving the world one catastrophe at a time-it’s what I do!”
“This is why you’re a goddamn idiot!” Tim snapped, shoving Kon back. “You just blaze in, half-cocked, without even a plan-this isn’t a fucking game-”
“I know that!” Kon shouted back, pushing into Tim’s space again. “Look, I know what I did was reckless and dumb-” Tim scowled at the evident understatement of those words, “but considering the circumstances, I only acted out what I thought was best for everybody else!”
Tim’s scowl deepened. “Oh, yes, like that makes everything better,” he said sarcastically. “Go and prance around, be a hero-forget the fact that maybe by acting like a stupid martyr you’ll be leaving your family and your friends behind! Ugh. I can’t stand being around you right now, Kon, I’m going to-”
“Oh, my God, Tim, you stupid, annoying jackass, just shut up!” Kon groaned.
Before Tim could retaliate with something equally as biting, Kon was grabbing him by the scruffs of his uniform and yanking him in for a hard kiss.
And because he was still angry, frustrated and downright homicidal, Tim threw his arms around Kon’s neck and responded in kind.
000
678th Cloning Attempt: Fail.
“Again!” Tim shouted. “Again, again, again, again!”
“Cloning Attempt #679 now in progress.”
That night, Tim took out all the brandy in his cupboard and drank himself until he could no longer see straight.
“Tim… what are you doing to yourself?” said Kon’s voice as Tim drifted off into oblivion.
000
All was quiet in the room, save for the creek of the mattress and the muffled sounds of moans and sighs from the bed.
Tim was on his back, his arms and legs wrapped around Kon who was thrusting his hips into Tim in a harsh and untimely rhythm; speed and ferocity increasing as seconds ticked on. Sweat was dripping from the tips of Kon’s hair, his mouth was set in a thin, determined line as he watched Tim fall apart underneath him.
“Oh, god, don’t stop. Don’t stop,” Tim begged, arching his neck back as he clung onto Kon fiercely.
“Shit, Tim… You have no idea… no idea what you do to me, do you?” Kon groaned, snapping his hips against Tim’s more sharply. He was gripping the blankets so tightly he was starting to leave holes in them.
“Kon, Kon,” Tim sobbed, feeling the first pinpricks of his orgasm. “Kon, please…”
“Don’t worry,” Kon murmured, kissing Tim deeply, “I’ll take care of you.”
And Tim allowed himself to fall.
000
You have 1 new message:
“Tim? It’s Dick again. You didn’t answer my last message, so I got worried. Just wanted to make sure everything is alright. Please call me back soon, okay?”
000
1000th Cloning Attempt: Fail.
Tim fell to his knees, unable to keep himself standing anymore. He was shaking harder than ever, and he could barely suppress the flow of tears that began to rain down from his eyes. He didn’t even bother to stop them.
“What am I supposed to do,” he gasped, shuddering. He hugged himself and shut his eyes. “Kon, what am I supposed to do?”
Beside him, he felt Kon’s presence stronger than ever. “Tim,” he said gently, “it’s okay… Tim, it’s okay.”
“It’s not,” Tim replied, his voice small and cold. “It’s not going to be okay. It’s never going to be okay! I can’t… I can’t do this…”
“Tim…” said Kon.
“Why did you leave, Kon?” Tim was openly sobbing now. He was clutching at his chest, trying to will the pain away, but no matter how many times he tried it just wouldn’t leave him. “Why did you have to go and leave me?”
“Tim…” said Kon sadly. “You have to let me go… what you’re trying to do… it won’t bring me back. It won’t bring you happiness…”
But Tim wasn’t listening anymore. “You said you’d stay… you promised you’d take care of me!” he screamed, covering his ears. “Just leave me alone! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!”
Just like that, Kon’s voice was gone and Tim was, once again, left alone.
000
“I love you,” Kon murmured.
It was probably the first time either of them had spoken these words out loud, but it didn’t take Tim by surprise nor did he hesitate in giving his own answer.
“I love you too,” he said.
Kon’s smile was the most beautiful thing Tim had ever seen.
They drifted off to sleep, tucked in each others’ arms.
And Tim felt like he was finally home.
Part 2