Wake up Kicking and Screaming
You know this will be the last entry of this extremely uneventful journal of mine. you'd think that after years of this crap that my spelling would get better ha.
Anyway, this existence has been a bleak one and as all things must come to an end, the parasite dies. there is no reason to keep pushing it forward.
what do i have to say about 2005 dear you may as?
Well between betrayals and burnt bridges. i sat on the whole thing for far to long. Who was that boy, no correction man i used to be. You know i think that i got trapped in the web, the way things had been spun.
For you oh wasted time....
You know i would have died for you just as i would for anyone, and you broke it all and threw it on the ground, completely disrespected everything we could have been and i sat there and took it, kick after kick, and i suppose as all those before you you thought to yourself that you left me for dead.
--i knew you once when you where young, before i knew what you would become, that was then, and this is now----
im sure this will all seem to make little sence to those around me.
--what happen to the boy, filled with aspirations, dreams within his reach, his life was celebration----
im done with the shit..simple to put it i guess
---what happen to the boy who couldn't be defeated, who always stood his ground--
lost another friend, damn shame we where once so close... of course maybe its just better this way who knows. a day doesn't go by when i dont some how think of you, and i hope your doing well.
Cheers to bridges being mended and those that are being built.
So on to that garbage your probably just all dying to hear (psht)
So i spent the last god who knows year or so asleep, taking blow by blow, but ya know its strange how that works, as the phoenix burns out , the ashes fizzle and smolder into dust and rebirth comes once again. All these blows i took hard, and those around me forced to sit and watch, wish you didn't wish i didn't have to take the blows, but it doesn't matter now, what matters is its time to rebuild, its time to wake up screaming and kicking. the blood still pumps, the gears still turn, stationary is over, time to move forward. The last week has been completely amazing to me, at least in my own mind, it seems that i've been tearing down walls and finding places that have been missing for some time now.
for the first time in a long time i can say that i feel some form of joy, but maybe more... conviction. the realization seemed to come sweeping over me. what about those things i used to belive? what about that fierce mentality that stood against all this mediocre bullshit, that truly belived that we can fight to build a better tomorrow for all of us. I still have faith in my own convictions, so if this was fate and i was to go down, i will go down fighting.
Thanks Vicky, for watching over me when i needed you. Thanks for still being there.
Slowly i find myself discovering the pieces i need to repair the damage i've done, that which can be mended, and i imagine with time the wounds will scar, im sure they have already scabbed over nicely. it truly is strange how this all caim to be and im sure it will work itself towards and even stranger year.
on that note i think i will close this off with two songs for reflection.
-this day has altered my perception, i'll never se things quite the same, all that i knew was misconception, but all of thats about to change. i opened my eyes today, the world looked so bright and strange, now i see with clarity, i won't be your casualty. If trust is mereley for covenience, does it mean anything at all? your change of charachter makes no sence, your bitter actions make you small. greed is the hunger deep inside you, you're burning bridges left and right , i wont allow you to treat upon me, i wont go down without a fight-
-i stand in a barren void thats featureless, no sight or sound can penetrate at all, though silent storms may try to tear me down, when dusk descends, i'll be standing tall. TO THE ONES WHO WANT ME ON MY KNEES, YOU CANNOT CONTROL MY DESTINY, THERE IS A LIGHT THAT FLOWS THROUGHOUT MY VEINS, AND THERE IS DARKNESS FOR THE ONES WHO BRING ME PAIN. Unrelenting, unforgiving, hopelessness, pummled from all directions for days on end, cant turn the other cheek, its far too bruised, cant play the part of a saint, i wont pretend. Daylight breaks and shatters empty skies, has nothing changed for better or for worse? The ccle just repeats itself again, Can't tell if i am blssed or if i am cursed-
This journal is closing, if your inrtested in what the new home is comment, e-mail, call whatever
Over and Out.
Anyway, this existence has been a bleak one and as all things must come to an end, the parasite dies. there is no reason to keep pushing it forward.
what do i have to say about 2005 dear you may as?
Well between betrayals and burnt bridges. i sat on the whole thing for far to long. Who was that boy, no correction man i used to be. You know i think that i got trapped in the web, the way things had been spun.
For you oh wasted time....
You know i would have died for you just as i would for anyone, and you broke it all and threw it on the ground, completely disrespected everything we could have been and i sat there and took it, kick after kick, and i suppose as all those before you you thought to yourself that you left me for dead.
--i knew you once when you where young, before i knew what you would become, that was then, and this is now----
im sure this will all seem to make little sence to those around me.
--what happen to the boy, filled with aspirations, dreams within his reach, his life was celebration----
im done with the shit..simple to put it i guess
---what happen to the boy who couldn't be defeated, who always stood his ground--
lost another friend, damn shame we where once so close... of course maybe its just better this way who knows. a day doesn't go by when i dont some how think of you, and i hope your doing well.
Cheers to bridges being mended and those that are being built.
So on to that garbage your probably just all dying to hear (psht)
So i spent the last god who knows year or so asleep, taking blow by blow, but ya know its strange how that works, as the phoenix burns out , the ashes fizzle and smolder into dust and rebirth comes once again. All these blows i took hard, and those around me forced to sit and watch, wish you didn't wish i didn't have to take the blows, but it doesn't matter now, what matters is its time to rebuild, its time to wake up screaming and kicking. the blood still pumps, the gears still turn, stationary is over, time to move forward. The last week has been completely amazing to me, at least in my own mind, it seems that i've been tearing down walls and finding places that have been missing for some time now.
for the first time in a long time i can say that i feel some form of joy, but maybe more... conviction. the realization seemed to come sweeping over me. what about those things i used to belive? what about that fierce mentality that stood against all this mediocre bullshit, that truly belived that we can fight to build a better tomorrow for all of us. I still have faith in my own convictions, so if this was fate and i was to go down, i will go down fighting.
Thanks Vicky, for watching over me when i needed you. Thanks for still being there.
Slowly i find myself discovering the pieces i need to repair the damage i've done, that which can be mended, and i imagine with time the wounds will scar, im sure they have already scabbed over nicely. it truly is strange how this all caim to be and im sure it will work itself towards and even stranger year.
on that note i think i will close this off with two songs for reflection.
-this day has altered my perception, i'll never se things quite the same, all that i knew was misconception, but all of thats about to change. i opened my eyes today, the world looked so bright and strange, now i see with clarity, i won't be your casualty. If trust is mereley for covenience, does it mean anything at all? your change of charachter makes no sence, your bitter actions make you small. greed is the hunger deep inside you, you're burning bridges left and right , i wont allow you to treat upon me, i wont go down without a fight-
-i stand in a barren void thats featureless, no sight or sound can penetrate at all, though silent storms may try to tear me down, when dusk descends, i'll be standing tall. TO THE ONES WHO WANT ME ON MY KNEES, YOU CANNOT CONTROL MY DESTINY, THERE IS A LIGHT THAT FLOWS THROUGHOUT MY VEINS, AND THERE IS DARKNESS FOR THE ONES WHO BRING ME PAIN. Unrelenting, unforgiving, hopelessness, pummled from all directions for days on end, cant turn the other cheek, its far too bruised, cant play the part of a saint, i wont pretend. Daylight breaks and shatters empty skies, has nothing changed for better or for worse? The ccle just repeats itself again, Can't tell if i am blssed or if i am cursed-
This journal is closing, if your inrtested in what the new home is comment, e-mail, call whatever
Over and Out.