FIC: Holding on to a lie, Part 26/26 (David, Charlie/Colby, Megan, Don, others, PG-13)
Title: "The empty road"
Series: Holding on to a lie, Part 26/26 (last part of this series!)
Characters: David, Colby/Charlie, Megan/Larry, Don, Alan, Amita, Liz, OMC.
Rating: PG-13.
Spoilers: None.
Warnings: Mention of non-con.
Summary: David believed that the road would be empty, but he was wrong.
Feedback: I love it, yay! :)
Disclaimer: I do not own anything you can read/watch/see here - that includes Numb3rs, Thoughtcrimes, As good as it gets, Heroes and everything else.
Beta: The wonderful fredbassett. Thanks for all the help. :)
Previous chapter
Holding on to a lie
Part 26: “The empty road”
The road would be long and empty and David’s brain couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened. Seated at the driver’s seat of his car, he hadn’t turned on the engine yet. He could see the ambulances starting to move, he could even see Don getting in his own vehicle.
It seemed that the world had stopped after he had thanked his boss for erasing the files that kept his secret. He had walked straight to his car, and there he had remained, just thinking.
He was alone in this. He’d have to work on it by himself.
Still, there was everyone else, and they had all been affected by Charlie and Colby’s relationship. Of course, it wasn’t their fault. It wasn’t even Amita’s fault. No matter how much he hated her for what she had done, David knew well the consequences of finding out that someone was gay. His experience with his old school friend Daniel had marked his heart so he couldn’t blame her for her insanity. He could only blame her for the choices she had made about how to control the pain. It wasn’t OK to hurt others to find peace or to live a lie that sooner or later would fall apart, leaving everyone broken.
Looking around, David took a deep breath and had to admit something - something that he had always known but had been reluctant to say, even to himself.
He wasn’t alone in this. The road would be long, but not empty, and Don was right.
David had to get some help - not because the manual said that victims of rape should, but because he needed it, because his mind had been trying to block and deny the pain but hadn’t been able to make time go backwards.
Now it was the right moment to face the facts and make the suffering go away, if it was actually possible. So he turned on the engine and without telling anyone, he followed the ambulances and the team to the nearest hospital. As the evidence of his case had been destroyed, all he could do was trust his friends.
The doctors and nurses from the hospital worked with the FBI for the next fourteen hours and dealt with the rest of their patients as well. As much as David wanted to check on his friends and talk to them, he was afraid of what they might say or what the first look on their faces when they saw him would be like.
The only thing he did was ask the doctors how Colby, Charlie, Alan and Larry were; he even occasionally sneaked into their rooms when they were resting or sleeping and everyone else was talking to the nurses somewhere else.
The only person he had the guts to see face to face was his best friend. He went to Colby’s room and tried to keep himself together as he walked in.
David simply stood there, in the middle of the room, waiting for Colby to lift up his head, and meet his eyes.
When that happened, David knew that they were both speechless, but also that there was no need for words. They understood everything that had happened between them during the last few weeks. They were at peace now.
David felt about to break when he saw the way his partner blinked. The green-eyed agent lowered his head, like he was ashamed of what Amita had done to him. David went towards the bed, sat on it and said, “Colby, that wasn’t your fault.”
The other man didn’t answer, he just swallowed. His lips trembled as if he didn’t think the same.
“Listen to me. You chose Charlie and Charlie chose you. There’s nothing wrong with that. I haven’t seen you so happy since… forever. You can’t give that up now or ever. You have to keep going.”
“If I hadn’t felt the way I feel for Charlie, none of this would have happened.”
“That is not…”
“Amita wouldn’t have… done what she did to you,” Colby took a breath, his body trembling, “She wouldn’t have hurt Alan or Larry…” Suddenly, his voice broke. “Damn it, she wouldn’t have screwed up Charlie’s mind. Because I know that he feels guilty about this, and you know, maybe he doesn’t want to deal with it…”
“He’s not going to leave you, ok? I know he’s not.”
“You don’t.”
“I do,” David said with confidence. “And you should stop feeling guilty, too. Like I said, this wasn’t your fault - none of it. We couldn’t know how Amita felt and what her reactions would be.”
Colby shook his head. “But we could have been more careful with her feelings. She’s right when she says that Charlie and I got together while she was kidnapped. It wasn’t fair… It wasn’t OK…”
David was desperate to help Colby, but he had to admit that Amita had a good point there. His partner and Charlie had chosen a bad moment to confess what they felt for each other.
He thought about putting a hand on Colby’s shoulder in a gesture of support, but he knew what being raped felt like. Even if Amita hadn’t actually forced the green-eyed agent to take her and she had only touched him, that could cause basically the same anger and pain as real sexual intercourse.
“I wished there was something I could do to help you… I know that it’s not easy. But if you ever want to talk,” he said, “I’m here for you, remember that.”
Breathing hard, he watched his partner’s eyes land on his, sweat running down his face. He held his gaze for a moment until he felt it was time to leave Colby think about their conversation for a while. So David got up and slowly walked out of the room.
Still, he stared at it from outside. He wanted to protect Colby, he didn’t want him to suffer the same way he had.
“It wasn’t your fault, either,” a familiar voice said behind him. When David turned around, he found Megan standing there, looking at him.
Confused and ashamed, he almost panicked. But then he realized that the look on her face didn’t indicate that she thought he was weak.
He didn’t respond, anyway. He just looked away.
“David…” Megan muttered. “C’mon, let’s go.” She walked over to one of the benches that were in the corridors and sat on it. He took a breath and decided to follow her.
“I…”
“It’s not your fault.”
He was having the same conversation he had just had with Colby, except that now David was the one who needed to be supported. “You don’t know the whole story.”
“About Daniel?”
“Yeah.”
“You’re right, I don’t,” she admitted. “But I’ve seen this before.”
“Rape? We see that almost everyday in our jobs, but this is different,” David said, a little bit angry because to him, the comparison between work and his situation wasn’t right.
Megan immediately shook her head, and her eyes became somehow sad. “I’m not talking about a case, David. I’m talking about my personal life.”
That was unexpected. “What? Were you abuse-?”
“No. It was someone I knew, and I didn’t do anything about it.”
David remained in silence, respecting her pain. “I’m sorry.”
“It was a long time ago,” she said, but her expression demonstrated that the wound caused by that episode was still open and bleeding. “But the thing is, I can help now. And I don’t want you or Colby or anyone to feel that you don’t have any support. I’m here for you, as well as I’m here for Don, Charlie, Alan and anyone else who someone to talk to.”
“Like Larry,” David responded, smiling sadly.
“Yes, like Larry.” When Megan repeated those words, it seemed that she was about to cry. It was probable that all the emotions she had been controlling so far were starting to come out.
Just as they talked, Larry passed them by. He respectfully nodded to David and went awkwardly into Colby’s room, limping on his bandaged ankle.
“I’m going to see how Colby is. Why don’t you go check on Charlie and Alan?” Megan asked. “Don’s in there, too.”
“Um… I think I prefer to stay here.”
She smiled at him. “OK.” Then she went to see Colby.
No matter what he had said, David was worried about his friends. He stood outside Alan’s room, where Charlie and Don couldn’t see him. Both brothers were turned around, watching their father sleep with a bunch of cables connected to his head, chest and arms.
While Don was in one piece, Charlie had bandages of several parts of his body, and when he walked over to a chair and sat on it, he sighed in pain. Falling down the stairs had to have caused him some heavy damage, especially since he wasn’t used to being in the middle of situations like that.
“I could have taken care of Dad. You should have remained in bed, Charlie,” his brother said.
“I couldn’t do that.”
Don shook his head. “Look, about what I said earlier…”
“I stick to my beliefs. You can’t fix everything. You can’t fix this. I know you’re my brother and that you care about me, but this is something I have to do by myself.”
“So that doesn’t allow me to help?”
“No, it’s not that. I just don’t want you to get into the nightmare of being me right now.”
“Charlie…”
“Amita was my girlfriend, do you understand that?” Charlie explained. “I didn’t think of her enough when Colby and I got together. I should have known that there would be consequences, it was obvious.”
“You couldn’t know that she’d go crazy,” Don answered.
“I could have done things differently. I could have formally broken up with her before starting to flirt with Colby. We did it all wrong, and now… now everything’s gone to hell, see?” With a desperate expression on his face, Charlie seemed to be about to cry. He looked at his father and muttered, “Look at Dad, look at what I did to him. Look at David’s secret, at Larry. And how am I supposed to fix Colby? He must hate me right now… and even if he doesn’t, he must not want to have anything to do with me anymore…”
While Charlie talked, Don had been walking towards him. Now he was sitting beside him and putting a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, buddy…”
“Just don’t say that everything will be ok...”
Don took a deep breath as Charlie covered his face with his hands and started to cry. “Ok, I won’t. But this is not your fault, Charlie. You can be sure it’s not.”
After Don pronounced the words David had said and heard the most during the last hours, the Eppes brothers didn’t talk anymore. At least their relationship seemed to be still alive and strong.
As David walked away from Alan’s room, he started to think about Bob Berenson and Liz. The therapist’s case had been given to another team and he’d be judged and probably sent to prison. He wasn’t going to play with people’s minds anymore, no matter how many bad things he had been through. Just like Amita, he had based his entire choices on one episode of his past. Sometimes that was understandable, but the way he had handled the means to soothe his mind and heart had been the worst.
David walked over to Liz’s room and found her sleeping on her bed. A nurse was beside him, supplying a new dose of blood.
“How is she?” he asked.
“With a couple more doses, she’ll be ok. But we’ll have to keep her here for a while to make some extra tests so we can be sure that she’s ready to be outside.”
“Ok… Thank you.”
Walking around the corridors, watching people hope their loved ones would get better soon, David knew that he had one more stop to make.
He spent a while at the door of Amita’s room, looking through its window, watching her sleep. The doctors had given her some sedatives and they had removed the bullet Edgerton had put into her leg. Now she had bandages on different parts of her body, just like Charlie.
If David had only talked about what had happened at her apartment, then maybe he would have been able to stop her. But it was too late for regrets, now.
“Amita! Amita!” a strange male voice distracted him. When he turned around, a man and a woman were coming towards the room, and Don was behind them.
Having to deal with Don’s look wasn’t so difficult now, after talking to some of the team’s members, especially Megan. Still, David’s boss didn’t say anything to him. He simply guided the couple into Amita’s room.
“According to the doctors, she’ll be OK,” Don told them. “They told me we have ten minutes to be here.” Then he turned around. “David, these are Amita’s parents, Tapti and Sanjay Ramanujan. They just arrived to LA. Mr. and Mrs. Ramanujan, this is Agent David Sinclair.”
Both parents suddenly turned to David; their eyes were wide open and they looked ashamed and afraid. It seemed that someone had informed them about their daughter’s actions and the sick circus she had created around her at the Eppes’ residence.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Mr. Ramanujan said, looking into David’s eyes, but keeping the distance between them. “And I’m sure Amita is sorry, too,” he added.
In a way, Mr. Ramanujan was right - As he made her realize of what she had done, David had seen the pain and regrets in her soul through her eyes.
When David turned to see his boss’ reaction and Don simply nodded, he felt like he needed some fresh air. He walked out, trying to breathe; suddenly, the room seemed to be very small.
A doctor was walking towards the room. David had seen him taking care of Amita, Alan and Liz earlier. Maybe he had news about them.
Before David could approach him, a nurse started to talk to the doctor, and he seemed to be a little bit worried.
Slowly, David got a little closer to them so he could hear what they were saying.
“I need to speak to the father,” the doctor said.
“The patient’s father is in the room right now. I’ve been told that he’s been talking about taking her daughter to India to get her some proper treatment if we can’t help her,” the nurse responded. “I can tell him that you want to see him…”
The doctor raised his hand, shaking his head. “No, no. I meant that I need to speak to the father of the child Miss Ramanujan is carrying.”
David’s entire world came apart in less than a second. He stumbled backwards until his back hit the wall.
No one would ever understand what being in that situation was like.
Desperate, he covered his face with his hands, thinking about the baby.
It could be mine. It could be mine.
The end.
Series: Holding on to a lie, Part 26/26 (last part of this series!)
Characters: David, Colby/Charlie, Megan/Larry, Don, Alan, Amita, Liz, OMC.
Rating: PG-13.
Spoilers: None.
Warnings: Mention of non-con.
Summary: David believed that the road would be empty, but he was wrong.
Feedback: I love it, yay! :)
Disclaimer: I do not own anything you can read/watch/see here - that includes Numb3rs, Thoughtcrimes, As good as it gets, Heroes and everything else.
Beta: The wonderful fredbassett. Thanks for all the help. :)
Previous chapter
Holding on to a lie
Part 26: “The empty road”
The road would be long and empty and David’s brain couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened. Seated at the driver’s seat of his car, he hadn’t turned on the engine yet. He could see the ambulances starting to move, he could even see Don getting in his own vehicle.
It seemed that the world had stopped after he had thanked his boss for erasing the files that kept his secret. He had walked straight to his car, and there he had remained, just thinking.
He was alone in this. He’d have to work on it by himself.
Still, there was everyone else, and they had all been affected by Charlie and Colby’s relationship. Of course, it wasn’t their fault. It wasn’t even Amita’s fault. No matter how much he hated her for what she had done, David knew well the consequences of finding out that someone was gay. His experience with his old school friend Daniel had marked his heart so he couldn’t blame her for her insanity. He could only blame her for the choices she had made about how to control the pain. It wasn’t OK to hurt others to find peace or to live a lie that sooner or later would fall apart, leaving everyone broken.
Looking around, David took a deep breath and had to admit something - something that he had always known but had been reluctant to say, even to himself.
He wasn’t alone in this. The road would be long, but not empty, and Don was right.
David had to get some help - not because the manual said that victims of rape should, but because he needed it, because his mind had been trying to block and deny the pain but hadn’t been able to make time go backwards.
Now it was the right moment to face the facts and make the suffering go away, if it was actually possible. So he turned on the engine and without telling anyone, he followed the ambulances and the team to the nearest hospital. As the evidence of his case had been destroyed, all he could do was trust his friends.
The doctors and nurses from the hospital worked with the FBI for the next fourteen hours and dealt with the rest of their patients as well. As much as David wanted to check on his friends and talk to them, he was afraid of what they might say or what the first look on their faces when they saw him would be like.
The only thing he did was ask the doctors how Colby, Charlie, Alan and Larry were; he even occasionally sneaked into their rooms when they were resting or sleeping and everyone else was talking to the nurses somewhere else.
The only person he had the guts to see face to face was his best friend. He went to Colby’s room and tried to keep himself together as he walked in.
David simply stood there, in the middle of the room, waiting for Colby to lift up his head, and meet his eyes.
When that happened, David knew that they were both speechless, but also that there was no need for words. They understood everything that had happened between them during the last few weeks. They were at peace now.
David felt about to break when he saw the way his partner blinked. The green-eyed agent lowered his head, like he was ashamed of what Amita had done to him. David went towards the bed, sat on it and said, “Colby, that wasn’t your fault.”
The other man didn’t answer, he just swallowed. His lips trembled as if he didn’t think the same.
“Listen to me. You chose Charlie and Charlie chose you. There’s nothing wrong with that. I haven’t seen you so happy since… forever. You can’t give that up now or ever. You have to keep going.”
“If I hadn’t felt the way I feel for Charlie, none of this would have happened.”
“That is not…”
“Amita wouldn’t have… done what she did to you,” Colby took a breath, his body trembling, “She wouldn’t have hurt Alan or Larry…” Suddenly, his voice broke. “Damn it, she wouldn’t have screwed up Charlie’s mind. Because I know that he feels guilty about this, and you know, maybe he doesn’t want to deal with it…”
“He’s not going to leave you, ok? I know he’s not.”
“You don’t.”
“I do,” David said with confidence. “And you should stop feeling guilty, too. Like I said, this wasn’t your fault - none of it. We couldn’t know how Amita felt and what her reactions would be.”
Colby shook his head. “But we could have been more careful with her feelings. She’s right when she says that Charlie and I got together while she was kidnapped. It wasn’t fair… It wasn’t OK…”
David was desperate to help Colby, but he had to admit that Amita had a good point there. His partner and Charlie had chosen a bad moment to confess what they felt for each other.
He thought about putting a hand on Colby’s shoulder in a gesture of support, but he knew what being raped felt like. Even if Amita hadn’t actually forced the green-eyed agent to take her and she had only touched him, that could cause basically the same anger and pain as real sexual intercourse.
“I wished there was something I could do to help you… I know that it’s not easy. But if you ever want to talk,” he said, “I’m here for you, remember that.”
Breathing hard, he watched his partner’s eyes land on his, sweat running down his face. He held his gaze for a moment until he felt it was time to leave Colby think about their conversation for a while. So David got up and slowly walked out of the room.
Still, he stared at it from outside. He wanted to protect Colby, he didn’t want him to suffer the same way he had.
“It wasn’t your fault, either,” a familiar voice said behind him. When David turned around, he found Megan standing there, looking at him.
Confused and ashamed, he almost panicked. But then he realized that the look on her face didn’t indicate that she thought he was weak.
He didn’t respond, anyway. He just looked away.
“David…” Megan muttered. “C’mon, let’s go.” She walked over to one of the benches that were in the corridors and sat on it. He took a breath and decided to follow her.
“I…”
“It’s not your fault.”
He was having the same conversation he had just had with Colby, except that now David was the one who needed to be supported. “You don’t know the whole story.”
“About Daniel?”
“Yeah.”
“You’re right, I don’t,” she admitted. “But I’ve seen this before.”
“Rape? We see that almost everyday in our jobs, but this is different,” David said, a little bit angry because to him, the comparison between work and his situation wasn’t right.
Megan immediately shook her head, and her eyes became somehow sad. “I’m not talking about a case, David. I’m talking about my personal life.”
That was unexpected. “What? Were you abuse-?”
“No. It was someone I knew, and I didn’t do anything about it.”
David remained in silence, respecting her pain. “I’m sorry.”
“It was a long time ago,” she said, but her expression demonstrated that the wound caused by that episode was still open and bleeding. “But the thing is, I can help now. And I don’t want you or Colby or anyone to feel that you don’t have any support. I’m here for you, as well as I’m here for Don, Charlie, Alan and anyone else who someone to talk to.”
“Like Larry,” David responded, smiling sadly.
“Yes, like Larry.” When Megan repeated those words, it seemed that she was about to cry. It was probable that all the emotions she had been controlling so far were starting to come out.
Just as they talked, Larry passed them by. He respectfully nodded to David and went awkwardly into Colby’s room, limping on his bandaged ankle.
“I’m going to see how Colby is. Why don’t you go check on Charlie and Alan?” Megan asked. “Don’s in there, too.”
“Um… I think I prefer to stay here.”
She smiled at him. “OK.” Then she went to see Colby.
No matter what he had said, David was worried about his friends. He stood outside Alan’s room, where Charlie and Don couldn’t see him. Both brothers were turned around, watching their father sleep with a bunch of cables connected to his head, chest and arms.
While Don was in one piece, Charlie had bandages of several parts of his body, and when he walked over to a chair and sat on it, he sighed in pain. Falling down the stairs had to have caused him some heavy damage, especially since he wasn’t used to being in the middle of situations like that.
“I could have taken care of Dad. You should have remained in bed, Charlie,” his brother said.
“I couldn’t do that.”
Don shook his head. “Look, about what I said earlier…”
“I stick to my beliefs. You can’t fix everything. You can’t fix this. I know you’re my brother and that you care about me, but this is something I have to do by myself.”
“So that doesn’t allow me to help?”
“No, it’s not that. I just don’t want you to get into the nightmare of being me right now.”
“Charlie…”
“Amita was my girlfriend, do you understand that?” Charlie explained. “I didn’t think of her enough when Colby and I got together. I should have known that there would be consequences, it was obvious.”
“You couldn’t know that she’d go crazy,” Don answered.
“I could have done things differently. I could have formally broken up with her before starting to flirt with Colby. We did it all wrong, and now… now everything’s gone to hell, see?” With a desperate expression on his face, Charlie seemed to be about to cry. He looked at his father and muttered, “Look at Dad, look at what I did to him. Look at David’s secret, at Larry. And how am I supposed to fix Colby? He must hate me right now… and even if he doesn’t, he must not want to have anything to do with me anymore…”
While Charlie talked, Don had been walking towards him. Now he was sitting beside him and putting a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, buddy…”
“Just don’t say that everything will be ok...”
Don took a deep breath as Charlie covered his face with his hands and started to cry. “Ok, I won’t. But this is not your fault, Charlie. You can be sure it’s not.”
After Don pronounced the words David had said and heard the most during the last hours, the Eppes brothers didn’t talk anymore. At least their relationship seemed to be still alive and strong.
As David walked away from Alan’s room, he started to think about Bob Berenson and Liz. The therapist’s case had been given to another team and he’d be judged and probably sent to prison. He wasn’t going to play with people’s minds anymore, no matter how many bad things he had been through. Just like Amita, he had based his entire choices on one episode of his past. Sometimes that was understandable, but the way he had handled the means to soothe his mind and heart had been the worst.
David walked over to Liz’s room and found her sleeping on her bed. A nurse was beside him, supplying a new dose of blood.
“How is she?” he asked.
“With a couple more doses, she’ll be ok. But we’ll have to keep her here for a while to make some extra tests so we can be sure that she’s ready to be outside.”
“Ok… Thank you.”
Walking around the corridors, watching people hope their loved ones would get better soon, David knew that he had one more stop to make.
He spent a while at the door of Amita’s room, looking through its window, watching her sleep. The doctors had given her some sedatives and they had removed the bullet Edgerton had put into her leg. Now she had bandages on different parts of her body, just like Charlie.
If David had only talked about what had happened at her apartment, then maybe he would have been able to stop her. But it was too late for regrets, now.
“Amita! Amita!” a strange male voice distracted him. When he turned around, a man and a woman were coming towards the room, and Don was behind them.
Having to deal with Don’s look wasn’t so difficult now, after talking to some of the team’s members, especially Megan. Still, David’s boss didn’t say anything to him. He simply guided the couple into Amita’s room.
“According to the doctors, she’ll be OK,” Don told them. “They told me we have ten minutes to be here.” Then he turned around. “David, these are Amita’s parents, Tapti and Sanjay Ramanujan. They just arrived to LA. Mr. and Mrs. Ramanujan, this is Agent David Sinclair.”
Both parents suddenly turned to David; their eyes were wide open and they looked ashamed and afraid. It seemed that someone had informed them about their daughter’s actions and the sick circus she had created around her at the Eppes’ residence.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Mr. Ramanujan said, looking into David’s eyes, but keeping the distance between them. “And I’m sure Amita is sorry, too,” he added.
In a way, Mr. Ramanujan was right - As he made her realize of what she had done, David had seen the pain and regrets in her soul through her eyes.
When David turned to see his boss’ reaction and Don simply nodded, he felt like he needed some fresh air. He walked out, trying to breathe; suddenly, the room seemed to be very small.
A doctor was walking towards the room. David had seen him taking care of Amita, Alan and Liz earlier. Maybe he had news about them.
Before David could approach him, a nurse started to talk to the doctor, and he seemed to be a little bit worried.
Slowly, David got a little closer to them so he could hear what they were saying.
“I need to speak to the father,” the doctor said.
“The patient’s father is in the room right now. I’ve been told that he’s been talking about taking her daughter to India to get her some proper treatment if we can’t help her,” the nurse responded. “I can tell him that you want to see him…”
The doctor raised his hand, shaking his head. “No, no. I meant that I need to speak to the father of the child Miss Ramanujan is carrying.”
David’s entire world came apart in less than a second. He stumbled backwards until his back hit the wall.
No one would ever understand what being in that situation was like.
Desperate, he covered his face with his hands, thinking about the baby.
It could be mine. It could be mine.
The end.
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