FIC: The Connections Series, Part 19/23, "Slow down" (Charlie/Colby, PG-13)
They are going to talk!! Yes, after all this time!! :D
Ok, go on and read. Don't pay attention to the crazy writer... ;)
Thanks again to
mia_dcwut_09for the video...
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Title: Slow down
Series: The Connections Series, Part 19/23
Characters: Charlie/Colby
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: None.
Summary: After 7 chapters of conflict, Colby and Charlie talk about their feelings.
Feedback: Yes, please.
Disclaimer: I do not own Numb3rs or anything related to it. But I do own the ideas used for this fic in terms of the story and my OMCs.
Beta: The always amazing irena_adler.
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Go to Part 18: Dying expectations, PG-13
Go to Part 20: I'm ready, NC-17
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The Connections Series
Part 19: “Slow down”
“Don knows,” Charlie said and he came into Colby’s apartment, holding his head.
Colby closed the door and he turned to the man he loved. “How?”
“He heard me talking to you over the phone… And then…” In that moment, Charlie seemed about to break again, and he hid his face under his slim hands.
“Then, what?” Colby asked, and he approached Charlie, worried because the other one was crying. “Charlie, what happened exactly?”
When Charlie took his hands off his face, he was flushed and he was trembling. “He pretended that he hadn’t heard anything and then when I was about to come here, he let it all out. He said that he didn’t understand how this happened between us so fast, why I left Amita for you… And you know what the worst thing is?”
“No, what is it?”
“That inside my head I knew that I didn’t have an answer to any of that.”
Charlie stared at Colby with teary sad eyes, like he was apologizing for not having known what to say to Don. But then Colby muttered very sure of himself, “Look, I don’t know how to answer to that either. I just know that it happened.”
Now, it seemed that Charlie was a little calmer. He took a deep breath and said, “Yeah…”
There was a question Colby needed to make before he got too excited about Charlie’s arrival. After all, now that Don knew and had not taken the news well, there was a huge possibility that Charlie could retreat about everything he had said over the phone. He had done it before; why wouldn’t he do it now? It seemed that he always played with Colby’s heart, making him feel loved and appreciated, to ask him to back off afterwards. But as much as Colby hated that, he also knew that Charlie was just confused and didn’t know how to handle his feelings.
He took the deepest breath he had ever taken in his life and just said what he was thinking about. “It’s ok, Charlie. I understand.”
It seemed that Charlie hadn’t gotten what Colby meant, because he looked at him and asked, “Understand what?”
“That you need time.”
“Time?” Charlie looked completely puzzled.
“Yeah, time to think.”
After saying those words, Colby’s heart started to ache like it had done it a few hours ago. He had brought up the issue, and now he would have to deal with Charlie’s voice saying that he wanted to leave him again. All that excitement about you getting here was in vain. Now, besides being stupid, I hate myself. Colby leaned against the wall looking at the floor with empty eyes. I’m a lost case when it comes to choosing who to love. “Go, Charlie.”
“Go where? Colby, I don’t get what you’re saying.”
Don’t try to pretend that you’re not going to leave me again before we start something out. I already told you that it’s ok. Now Colby was annoyed by the way Charlie tried to act like he wouldn’t freak out like he always did. He shook his head and looked at the other man. “Charlie, you need time to think. Are you going to tell me that you’re ok with what Don said? That’s not you. You always over think everything, and this one is big, so you’re not going to let it go in like a second.”
Charlie stared at Colby for a moment and he wiped the tears of his face. “Of course I’m not ok with what Don thinks. Of course I over think everything. Of course I’m not going to let this go!”
“See? I knew it,” Colby said with irony, and he shook his head. There it was the confirmation of his predictions. He was going to be rejected again.
But Charlie kept talking. “He’s my brother! He said that he doesn’t understand me, which is not new, but I thought we were making a lot of progress by working together during these last years. Now it seems like we have gone back in time!” As Colby wasn’t saying anything, Charlie continued, “I’ve never criticized the way he behaves with the women he dates, at least not in a way that could hurt him! I’ve never judged him about anything! And yet, this time… I did.”
Although he had lost all hope, Colby paid attention to what Charlie was saying. The fact that he had stood up at his brother was something different that Colby had expected him to do. There would be consequences to that, and Colby didn’t want Charlie to get into a terrible fight with Don. He shifted his position against the wall and waited.
“I told him that he doesn’t know the first thing about love. He’s been with lots of women, but he’s never had a stable relationship. What can he know about what we have?”
Considering the way Charlie was telling him what the conversation with Don had been like, Colby started to wonder what Charlie was trying to say exactly. Sometimes he sounded like he wanted to go back with him, and sometimes he sounded like he was going to leave Colby for like the fifth time. Charlie’s thoughts were very difficult to figure out sometimes, and Colby would have to wait to find out what his words really meant. Still, he needed to make a point. “Charlie, what we have is not a stable relationship. It’s… a thing, nothing more.”
Charlie jumped in his place, and he looked completely amused. “Wait, what? That doesn’t make any sense!”
“You know what? Save it, Charlie. Just save it.” Don’t start this all over again, we have no future together.
“Save what?”
“Your little speech. Everything you say to make me fall for you, so you can dump me later because you’re not sure and no one understands us.”
“But…”
Colby was tired of everything. He wanted to speak his mind and let the craziness go. “Because after all, you’re right, you know? I shouldn’t have forced you to go to bed with me. You weren’t ready.”
“Colby…”
“So that’s why I told you to go. It’s ok if you need time for yourself, and it’s ok if you decide that you really don’t want to have anything to do with me. I won’t chase you. You’re free to do what you think it’s best for you. I don’t want to make you do something that you could regret later. I care about you too much to not bother you again. We’ll be work partners, nothing else.”
He stopped, placing his hands on his hips and breathing slowly. Charlie was silent in front of him, waiting for his turn to talk. C’mon, say it. Say that all of what we had was a mistake and that you want to be alone, so I can start living my life like a normal person again.
And Charlie spoke. “Are you done?”
Colby stared at him. “Yes,” he responded, and saw the other man open his bag.
“Then you should see what I’ve been working on. It’s a probability analysis that has helped me to determine if…”
What the hell are you talking about? “Charlie, stop.”
“But this is very important for us,” Charlie insisted.
“Well, stop anyway, because you’re making me crazy. What does math have to do with anything? We’re talking about us, and we’ve decided that in fact there’s no ‘us’!”
“Colby, would you just shut up?!” Charlie yelled sweetly, and that was weird enough to make Colby’s train of thought stop.
Colby remained silent, his face in an amused expression. But then he whispered, “No.”
“Fine, then you won’t hear the reasons why I chose to give this a try.”
Wha--- Colby thought that he was about to faint. What was going on exactly? “Ok, I need to sit down,” he muttered, because it was all so unexpected. He sat at the table and he knew his mind was blank. He rubbed his face, trying to wake up from the most confusing dream ever. “What did you just say?”
He looked at Charlie and saw his figure against the light that came through the window. “I said the same that I did over the phone. I want us to have our chance.”
Colby felt dizzy and he could only concentrate on Charlie’s voice and Charlie’s face. The rest of the world didn’t exist. He stared at the mathematician waiting for more sweet words, maybe some of those Charlie had told him on the phone. But he started pulling out papers from his bag, covering the whole table with them, even Margaret’s picture.
Immediately, a very excited Charlie started to talk very fast while he wrote equations and graphics and symbols that Colby had no idea what they meant. In fact, Colby didn’t hear anything that the mathematician tried to explain to him. He was just overwhelmed, and he needed a minute to process the information.
“And this is the result,” Charlie stated, grabbing the last paper he had been writing on, and he showed it to Colby. “There’s a 5 percent chance that we can do well as a couple and that people accept us being together.”
Ok, now hold on. The agent rubbed his eyes and said, “5 percent? That’s it? It’s a very low percentage.”
“Yeah, so?”
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s not a good sign for a potential relationship.” Now Colby didn’t understand anything. He wasn’t an expert on math, but 5 percent was definitely not a good number.
“Yeah, but it means a whole world of possibilities! Besides, given the implications…”
Colby got up and went towards Charlie. “Look, I don’t really care about the implications. I care about the fact that you’re making a decision based only on probabilities, not on what you feel. If the percentage would have been lower, you wouldn’t be here, right? I don’t want you to do this just because of an equation, even if the result was 100 percent.”
Charlie didn’t say anything for a few seconds. But then he went towards Colby and put one hand on each one of his shoulders. Very close to his lover’s face, he muttered, “Colby, this goes beyond the numbers.”
In that moment, Colby’s barriers went down. He kept listening to Charlie, his eyes dancing over the other man’s smile and warm eyes.
“I’m not going to run away anymore. Even if 5 percent is a very small percentage, it means something. And even if it didn’t, for the first time in my life I don’t mind about going against the odds,” Charlie muttered, and he was flushing. His voice was shaky and sweet.
That was everything that Colby had wanted Charlie to say to him during the last days. He remembered well the moment he had told David that he wished Charlie told him that he wanted to give a relationship a shot, no matter what the results were. You said it. You just said it.
“But what about Don, what about everybody else?” Colby asked, because everything had come up just the way he wanted to, and that was very suspicious.
Charlie came closer to him, and Colby could feel him breathe. “We’ll handle it. I don’t know how, but we’ll do it… I’m not saying that we go public. I’m saying that we try to do our best when it comes to the people who already know about us, and let the rest of the world wonder…”
I’m not prepared to suffer again. One can never be too sure. “I’m sorry, Charlie, but I have to ask you this,” Colby swallowed hard, and it was very difficult for him not to kiss Charlie right there and then. It was pretty much the same situation that he had been through during Friday night. The one he loved the most was giving himself to him, and yet, Colby didn’t want to push him. So he asked, “Are you sure?”
Immediately, Charlie nodded, still smiling. “Yeah. I’m sure now.”
Colby licked his own lips and felt the sweet pressure of Charlie’s hands on his shoulders. His lover was gently squeezing them in a gesture that was making him weak. This is too good to be true. “Look, there were too many ups and downs since this started. I couldn’t stand to hear you say that you want to retreat, like you did this morning.” He knew that he was about to cry, that saying that to Charlie was painful because he wanted him so badly and yet he wanted to keep his heart unbroken.
“Colby, are you changing your mind about us?” Charlie asked, and he stepped aside a little. His face was flushed and he swallowed hard. There were his adorable eyes begging Colby to say that he wanted them to be together, too.
“That’s not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is that we should probably slow down, take some time to think about this…”
“You don’t believe me that I really want this.”
“Well, of course I can’t be sure about it, after all that’s happened! You just broke up with Amita, she was in danger, you took Don’s gun, which by the way was insane!”
“I did it to save you both! I still care about her as a friend, and-“
“Oh, I don’t know about that, Charlie. No one gets over someone so fast. You must still have strong, romantic feelings for her!”
“No, that’s not true!” Charlie yelled, and he made big gestures with his hands. “I appreciate her, but not that way! She’s not you; in fact, she’ll never be you!”
And Charlie reached for Colby and kissed him strong enough to leave bruises. Colby first melted to it, but then he pushed Charlie away. “I don’t want it this way. Not when you’re impulsive and you do the first thing that comes to your head. I don’t want another Friday night.”
“I know that I hurt you, but I want to make things right…! Is there any chance that you let me at least try? I promise I won’t make you suffer again,” Charlie said, and he went towards the table. He grabbed one of the papers that were full of numbers and waved it to Colby. “This counts for me, but I’m willing to not consider it because of you, see? Isn’t that a non-impulsive way to show you how much I want to be with you?”
He reached for another paper, and when he took it, he found Margaret’s picture under it. Colby shook his head and put his hands on his face. How the hell will I be able to explain to him his mother’s picture’s here?
“Colby, what’s this?” Charlie reached for the photograph and looked at it.
“I’m sorry that I took it from your house, I just wanted to restore it so you could have it just as it used to be…” Trembling from head to feet, Colby waited for Charlie to give him a response.
But the mathematician wasn’t saying anything. He was just running his fingers over the photograph, and tears were running down his face.
“Charlie, I’m really sorry… Yell at me if you want you, I understand that-”
“Colby…”
When Charlie turned to see Colby in the eye, he was crying, but in a different way than when he had just arrived to the apartment. Those were tears of happiness, and Colby was sure of it. The other man looked touched by his gesture, and seemed about to break.
“You were going to restore it? For me?” Charlie continued.
Colby took a breath. “Yeah.”
It was unexpected for Colby to watch Charlie leave the picture on the table and go towards him. And it was incredible to feel a teary Charlie kissing him so sweetly that the agent thought that he was going to literally melt against him. It was a light touch that always made him want to make love to Charlie immediately.
So first Colby kissed his lover back, but then the need to be careful took him out of his perfect fantasy. He broke the kiss and said, “Wait.”
“No,” Charlie stated, and he tried to press his lips against Colby’s again. He was kindly rejected.
“Yes, we should wait… We should slow down. We rushed too much when we went to bed together without thinking about what we really felt.”
“But that’s not the situation anymore. Don’t you get it, Colby? Don’t you feel that I really, really like you, and that I want to see if you’re the one person I’m supposed to be with?”
Now Charlie was really breaking, and he stepped backwards, covering his face with his hands, and crying loudly. “Why, why, why don’t you want me?” he said over and over, and Colby couldn’t stop the tears from coming to his eyes, too.
“I do want you, Charlie. I want you, too,” he said.
Charlie lifted his gaze and went towards him.
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A/N: Evil, I know! I shouldn't have stopped there...
But look at next chapter's rating! *runs and hides*
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There are 4 chapters left for The Connections Series to be over...
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The song I chose for this chapter
(and the always lovely video made by mia_dcwut_09 )
The Fray - "Look after you"
Click to view