The Connections Series (Charlie/Colby): Part 2, "That sad smile", PG-13
Title: That sad smile
Series: The Connections Series, part 2
Characters: Charlie/Colby
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Seasons 1, 2, 3, 4
Summary: Charlie forgets about Amita for three entire minutes.
Disclaimer: I do not own Numb3rs or anything related to it.
Feedback: Yes, please!
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Go to Part 1: "Disturbing images", PG
Go to Part 3: "An important someone", PG-13
The Connections Series
Part 2: That sad smile
“Ok, what do we’ve got?” Don asked as he walked into the room, looking very serious.
“Nothing. Absolutely nothing." Charlie’s voice sounded so desperate and angry that everybody thought he was going to start yelling again, exactly like the day before, because he couldn’t find the key to the problem.
The team had been searching for new data in three locations, three motels where few clues had taken them. They hadn't successful about finding Amita, but they had got some direction. They had analyzed the rooms from roof to floor. In fact, David had found a little corner of one wall that had some symbols written on it; Amita had probably been handcuffed in that exact place and had left a message.
Of course, Charlie had studied the code and tried to figure out the hidden meaning. But even as he had been trying to clear his head and think better, it was still impossible for him to be 100% sure of his own theories. Why did this have to happen now, when his lover’s life was in such danger?
So when he stormed out of the motel because he just wanted to be alone and went to Don’s car, he didn’t care if he couldn’t really drive. Thank god someone stopped him from getting into the driver’s seat and took that place himself.
“I don’t want you to kill yourself because of this situation. We have enough already with the case," Colby said, starting the engine.
Actually, Charlie was glad he was there. He was about to break again and he needed someone he could trust enough to tell him some things that were in his mind. Colby always seemed to be the right person, the perfect companion. So he sat in the passenger’s seat and said, “Well, since I’m not being of any help, maybe it wouldn’t mind if I wasn't here."
Colby looked at him in shock. “Please, tell me you didn’t just say that."
The mathematician remained in silence, looking through his window at something he obviously didn’t care about. He regretted that he had said that his own life didn’t matter; he knew that it had been very stupid.
“Charlie, are you out of your mind? Amita needs you. We need you. I need you."
Charlie turned around at the second. That last line couldn’t mean that… no, no. He was just thinking things wrong because he was so frustrated. Colby didn’t like guys, and neither did he.
Colby kept talking, and he seemed worried. “Damn it, Charlie, you're an important part of this group, I already told you that. I don’t get why you say such stupid things." But Charlie wasn't saying anything right now. "Geez, why don’t you say something? I feel like a god damn idiot, sitting here talking without getting any answer." He saw that now Charlie was about to say something, but didn’t. “What? What, what is it? You can tell me. You know you can."
“I’ve never… I’ve never been through something like this . Except when that journalist case happened. I’m blocked, my mind doesn’t want to work, I can’t make it work. It’s like it doesn’t belong to me, like I don’t have any control over it. It’s so… frustrating."
“Charlie…” Colby put a hand on his friend’s shoulder.
“I know I have your help, that you’re doing your best, as well as the entire team. But that puzzle, those symbols, those are Amita’s message. A message that most probably, only I can understand. A message to me. If I don’t figure it out, she’s gone, you know? And I’m not capable of reading what she’s trying to tell me, even if it’s a matter of life or death.”
There was a moment of silence. Colby started to drive; the road was soon empty because the motel they had been in was outside town. Charlie thought about what he had promised to the agent - to not put so much pressure on his own shoulders.
“I’m sorry," he said with one hand on his face. “I know I said I'd try not to feel so responsible, but I can’t help it. If I knew how to stop feeling so useless, maybe my head would get to normal again."
“Hey, don’t worry," Colby answered. “It’s ok. Just don’t say that you want to die. Ever. It makes me want to kill you myself."
That comment made Charlie smiled a little bit. It had sounded like something Don would have said. But his brother wasn’t so warm, so cool, so understanding. Don was an amazing support… but Colby was different. Colby was what Charlie needed every time he was down.
“I think I can do that," he finally said. Silence again. “You know, I always wanted to take Amita to the road. Just the two of us."
“Well, where had you happened taking her to?”
“I don’t know. Make a tour that joins different points of the country, like science museums and important colleges that presented math lectures. Nothing related to golf or anything like that, no matter how much Don insisted, because I suck at it and I don’t want her to see me like that - it’s too embarrassing. We should go to places where we could find interesting theories to add to our very own ones," Charlie explained. "But I have this idea… that it would be nice that the points of the trip, marked in a map, could be joined to form a Pi symbol. It came to me in a dream.”
Colby thought about for a moment. “Oh, that would be great.”
“You think so?”
“Yeah. Why do you ask?”
“Oh, it’s just that… I never told her about the trip dream. It scares me what she might think about the Pi part.”
“Why? You both like math. You both would find it more than fascinating.”
“Fascinating, yeah. But obsessive and exaggerated and a little bit creepy, definitely. As much as I love and respect Larry, I don’t want to become his future clone."
“Ouch! That hurt. But I guess you have a point.” Colby couldn't help but laugh at Charlie's statement.
“Of course I do. Colby?”
“Yeah, Charlie?”
“Please warn me if I start eating only white food. I beg you to do that.”
“You don’t have to. I would warn everyone that develops that habit. But I guess Larry’s a lost cause.”
Now they both laughed. Charlie thought he hadn’t had a good time like this, just talking about stuff, since Amita had disappeared. It was so relaxing to feel a little more free. He watched Colby drive, aware of every movement of the car, his eyes on the road. He was focused but he also had a smile on his face.
“Well, I’ll tell you this," the agent said.
Charlie immediately turned his head to the road. He didn’t want Colby to think he was watching him like he had something on his face, or was too attractive to resist. But wait - why would Colby think that he founded him attractive? Charlie hoped his brain could stop making so weird assumptions very soon.
“If I was Amita, and please, don’t take this as an awkward comment," Colby continued, “I would go to that trip with you, no matter what shape the joined points formed. I would go there just to spend some days alone with you. Maybe you should tell her about it when she comes back. I think that would make her happy."
“Maybe," Charlie muttered, considering the idea.
“Just don’t drive. Let her do it, or buy bus tickets, or anything. But don’t put your hands on anything that has wheels, ‘cause I won’t be there to save the two of you."
Charlie laughed again, and heard Colby laughing, too. He felt so relieved. “I'll take that as an advice.”
“It was and advice.”
“Well, if it wasn’t for the teasing tone of your voice, it would have seem to be a very cruel critic.”
“But a true one.”
Charlie took a deep breath. “Yeah. And I hate that.”
Then there was silence for the third time. Both of them became more serious, just feeling the wind in their faces and the calm of Mother Nature.
“I think I will ask her to spend five days with me in the Dr. Eppes National Trip or something like that…," Charlie said, imagining what it would be like. But then reality got to his heart again. "if she actually comes back.”
“She’ll be with you again, Charlie. And she’ll be fine. I’m sure of that.”
Again, Charlie felt Colby’s hand, now on his arm. His fingers were lovingly twisting the fabric of his brown jacket. He was the best person ever, the only person who could truly make him feel better when everything that surrounded him was chaos, violence and pain.
But he felt guilty, because when he was with Colby, he could easily forget about Amita. And it wasn’t fair that not all of his thoughts were focused on her right now. It hurt knowing that there was someone else in his life that was special.
Now Charlie smiled sadly, aware of the irony of the situation. He loved Amita but hadn’t thought about her for three entire minutes. He didn’t care so much about Colby two weeks ago, and now he was so happy just because of his presence and his voice.
He didn’t notice that Colby was watching him smile as he looked through the window. He didn’t know how much he worried about him, how much he cared, how much his heart ached when he saw that sad smile on his face. He couldn’t find out, by any means, that in moments like this the agent’s feelings for the mathematician were rapidly growing.
Go to Part 1: Disturbing images, PG
Go to Part 3: An important someone, PG-13
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The song I chose for this chapter:
ALANIS MORISETTE - IRONIC
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