Visit with mom who triggers everything
What was my most recent visit like? I, expecting and anticipating the commentary of what was off or wrong about my home and children spent two hours cleaning. This interrupted the daily flow of my work and made me feel removed and burdened. I left after that cleaning to pick up a birthday cake for my son's party the next day. I left a spotless house and returned to one with piles of garbage on my sofa, all around my floor in several rooms and my car blocked from our parking lot. Enter, my MOTHER. Mom is a force. Not for any respectable reason like having a right of way or knowing what is best but mostly for being the mess of an organizational disaster and hoarder as I have recently come to know her.
Every visit is filled with dread of two types. I am on top of the version where she undermines the confidence of my children without even having an awareness of doing it, but I still miss some of it and even with correction cannot undue the hurtful and mean words that come out of her mouth. This is why I do not want the kids to stay with her anymore without my presence. She thinks it's a given, I know it's going to be an argument I don't want to have because she won't understand.
That aside, she walks into my clean home, not because I cared how to present it but because that's her expectation. Her hoarding and mess doesn't exist. But my home with two kids and two people who work hard at their own business doesnt compute. She comments that "I can't imagine how Mike works with this environment" as she tries to shove her toiletry case into a bookshelf which is in otherwise working order. She berates my daughter, who is doing so well at school for spelling things "wrong" even though they're doing a different phonetics approach I agree with. I told my mother many times please stop correcting her spelling you're not doing what the school does. She's advanced in her class and you're not doing what they do just stop.
What I actually noticed was just her making them feel BAD. About everything. With Maya it's school and with Max it's the toilet and they're without any bias smart kids with lots of advantage. They're doing great with their own stipulations and guidelines in place. Everyone is happy. Then my bitch mom comes in, totally idiotic and not even knowing half the language my daughter speaks.....correcting her, spelling when it's not appropriate and trashing my house then trying to correct me "ERIN THIS IS WHATS IMPORTANT" as if I haven't made my life a 14 hour work week despite my income, so I can do what is IMPORTANT which is my kids.
This makes me so mad because she uses this both for and against me at the same time. I also think she's too stupid to understand how it makes me feel if I were to tell her. She just needs; must have repeated 50 times "THIS WAS NOT A GOOD WEEK," because SHOCKINGLY after 50 years of not taking care of her teeth she spent $7000 on dental work and OMG it hurts. Fucking shut up.
All I hear is how I'm doing wrong, she challenges shit and I just don't want her back here or never want to subject Maya to her. Maya is so smart and she's influenced by stupid. I can't do that to her.