when you walk in the room, i start to melt..
love
a pile of rose petals
dead and trampled over
aspirations for some
amazing, ungodly perfect life
are crushed
in the palm of one's hand
does he realize he hasn't
given me back my heart?
and does this new day hold
nothing but disappointment?
will the other ever realize
how badly i want him?
how happy he makes me?
how sad i am when he says
'i love you'
to someone else?
my heart is empty
half was left behind
in a pile of rose petals
dead and trampled over
the other half has been stolen
by a rose bush
covered in thorns
which prevent me from stealing it back
how is it possible to love
when you have no heart?
that was gay i know..
it's how i feel right now.
last night i cried alot. i miss nick.. so so sooo much. i so badly want us to be together again and work things out. i know that's not reality tho. i thought i was over him but these nights when i'm bored my mind always drifts to him. i love him. i don't know how to get over him other than to date someone new. god and i can't even do that. the one freaking guy i like and he is in love [or so he claims] with somebody else. i feel so stupid.. like seriously.. why do i fall in love with guys who in the end never want me the way i want them.. i so badly want to feel butterflies in my stomach when i'm talking to a boy. i want to feel like i'm important to somebody.. is that selfish? how is this possible? how can i love so many people so much and never feel as tho they love me back the same way. i don't get it. god, why did you choose this for me? you know how weak i am. you know the littlest things can send me into a whirlwind. why did you make something so drastically horribly terrible happen to me?! i feel like i'm going to die. i hate myself for being this way. i don't understand why i can't get over him. i feel like a failure. why couldn't i keep him? why couldn't he just be happy with me? why can't ANYBODY just be happy with me. i feel like i cry every night anymore.. i can't take it.
god!!! and sometimes i just say 'fuck it.. i don't wanna stupid relationship where i give my all and just get screwed over.. i'm just gonna hookup whoever whenver..' but i just dont want that.. i'm just not like that.. anything sexual..even just kisses are really meaningful to me anymore. i don't wanna put out for somebody i don't like.
gorejgoiejroijegor
it's really not fair. geezus why do i want him back so bad?
and wtf do i like this other guy so much? now i'm depressed when i'm around him cause all i think about is how disappointing it is that he's not available to me..
I WANT MY FUCKING LIFE BACK GODDAMN YOU!
GORIehgOUIHERUGORHEGOIJREIgjeriogoirwJGIOrJEgjroeiEJIOJ!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ok the end i'm finished goodbye everybody.
a pile of rose petals
dead and trampled over
aspirations for some
amazing, ungodly perfect life
are crushed
in the palm of one's hand
does he realize he hasn't
given me back my heart?
and does this new day hold
nothing but disappointment?
will the other ever realize
how badly i want him?
how happy he makes me?
how sad i am when he says
'i love you'
to someone else?
my heart is empty
half was left behind
in a pile of rose petals
dead and trampled over
the other half has been stolen
by a rose bush
covered in thorns
which prevent me from stealing it back
how is it possible to love
when you have no heart?
that was gay i know..
it's how i feel right now.
last night i cried alot. i miss nick.. so so sooo much. i so badly want us to be together again and work things out. i know that's not reality tho. i thought i was over him but these nights when i'm bored my mind always drifts to him. i love him. i don't know how to get over him other than to date someone new. god and i can't even do that. the one freaking guy i like and he is in love [or so he claims] with somebody else. i feel so stupid.. like seriously.. why do i fall in love with guys who in the end never want me the way i want them.. i so badly want to feel butterflies in my stomach when i'm talking to a boy. i want to feel like i'm important to somebody.. is that selfish? how is this possible? how can i love so many people so much and never feel as tho they love me back the same way. i don't get it. god, why did you choose this for me? you know how weak i am. you know the littlest things can send me into a whirlwind. why did you make something so drastically horribly terrible happen to me?! i feel like i'm going to die. i hate myself for being this way. i don't understand why i can't get over him. i feel like a failure. why couldn't i keep him? why couldn't he just be happy with me? why can't ANYBODY just be happy with me. i feel like i cry every night anymore.. i can't take it.
god!!! and sometimes i just say 'fuck it.. i don't wanna stupid relationship where i give my all and just get screwed over.. i'm just gonna hookup whoever whenver..' but i just dont want that.. i'm just not like that.. anything sexual..even just kisses are really meaningful to me anymore. i don't wanna put out for somebody i don't like.
gorejgoiejroijegor
it's really not fair. geezus why do i want him back so bad?
and wtf do i like this other guy so much? now i'm depressed when i'm around him cause all i think about is how disappointing it is that he's not available to me..
I WANT MY FUCKING LIFE BACK GODDAMN YOU!
GORIehgOUIHERUGORHEGOIJREIgjeriogoirwJGIOrJEgjroeiEJIOJ!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ok the end i'm finished goodbye everybody.