Fiction (Update)
So after my personal odysse through Yunnan (one of those days I'll find a way to upload those pics to lj, screwy connection or not) left me with enough time - about 72h on trains - to work on the next chapter, here it is. Personally, I don't like the first part of it very much - but the later part turned out as I wanted it to. ^^
Title: What Should Have Never Been Found
Part: 21/26 (?)
Genre: Suspense
Wordcount: ~4000
Warnings: Violence, character death.
Characters: Tezuka, Fuji, and some others.
Summary: Due to circumstances, Tezuka is forced to make an after school trip to a house belonging to friends of his grandfather. Fuji accompanies him and encounters something unexpected.
Disclaimer: PoT is not mine (which is probably for the better)
Prior Parts: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 |
AN: uh-oh, hope the format is okay...doesn't look as it is supposed to right now
Twenty-one
Snowflakes swirled in the darkness around him, spinning in a mad dance that painted the world white. Icy air sharply bit into his skin, burned in his lungs and took his breath away. For a moment Tezuka couldn't see anything at all, only the firm ground underneath his feet anchored him to reality.
An odd sense of nausea lingered in the back of his stomach, as blood drained from his cheeks. Yet the cold was hardly bothering him, neither was his breath fogging up his glasses as it sometimes did on very cold winter days. His coat might have been lost in the nightmare, but he hardly cared. Something was gravely wrong - but at the same time it barely fazed him.
Maybe it was the nightmare he had just emerged from. Maybe it had been whatever twisted power had transported him from there to here. Or maybe it was whatever ceremony the demon had performed that was messing with his head.
He couldn't help the dizziness that arose, even as he recognized the familiar outlines of his family’s backyard. Large pine trees loomed dark against the grey sky - daylight was faint or already fading; he had no idea how much time had passed while he'd been in the pocket dimension.
A gust of wind, branches shifted and revealed the outline of the house, well-preserved wood and warmly lit windows. Part of his heart ached to go in, huddle underneath a blanket with a hot cup of tea and a good book - pain abruptly spiked in his heart. Tezuka blinked, and pressed his lips together.
Could he retreat like this enticing memory suggested?
He took a step forward but stopped.
Could he return? Return to his life, when Fuji had just died in his arms? Was it really right for him to return to his family as if nothing had happened, when Fuji would never again return to his?
Did he have the right to go on as if all was right?
Maybe he ought to turn and run. Do something to make up for his failure before stepping in front of his family again. Tezuka swallowed. He didn't know what to do, and his normal sense of rationality had abandoned him, nothing but a small voice muttering nonsense in the back of his head.
And the snowflakes seemed to whisper; urge him to turn his back to the light. Fuji was dead; this was no place he could return to. The demon’s ceremony had changed him; human warmth was no longer for him.
"Kunimitsu?" a sudden yell drew him from his contemplations. Abruptly he lifted his head; and his mother had already thrown open the back door and was rushing out to meet him, not caring to even change her shoes or throw on a coat.
"Kunimitsu, you're back, you're really back. I'm ... I was so worried. Are you alright? Did anything happen? Are you injured? Is..." Her breath was forming small clouds in the freezing air - and he had never heard her use this tone before.
Tezuka's eyes widened, as an odd sensation spread through his body. He was relieved, yet felt guilty at the same time, and something about his mother's behavior was off. Her hair wasn't in her usual neat bun, her clothes rumpled - and why wasn't she confused at his sudden arrival in the middle of the backyard?
"Is ... Is that blood?" her voice sounded faint, and her steps slowed. For a moment, the arms she had stretched out to embrace him wavered. "Kunimitsu, are you injured? Are you hurt?"
Finally Tezuka found his voice. With a very stiff shake of his head, he replied: " No, mother, I'm not hurt."
He did not know if he was alright or not - he felt dead on the inside, barely capable of feeling anymore. And the faint emotions he did sense were dulled, odd and gone within seconds.
His mother did not hesitate to draw him into a hug fiercer than any he could remember receiving. But as she buried her face into the crook of his neck, not minding the smell of blood that clung to his body or the snow soaking through her thin slippers, Tezuka could feel a faint spark of warmth light up in his own heart.
Something burned in the corner of his eye - fatigue, exhaustion, pain; he couldn't tell what he was feeling any longer. But for this sweet moment he could at least hold onto another human being.
"I was so afraid, you have no idea. What Fuji-san told me... Honestly, had I known any earlier what you got yourself into, Id have... But then again...and Kunikazu," she wasn't making sense right now.
A stab of fear attacked Tezuka's heart.
What on earth had happened to his grandfather? He only recalled the demon waving her wrist at him, and him keeling over without a noise. Was he...?
Slowly, but gently he detached himself from the embrace, so that he could look into his mother's face. She was visibly paler than normal, but there were no tear streaks, no signs of despair to be found there. Could he dare to hope his grandfather's life had been spared?
His heart trembled.
"Mother, what happened to grandfather?" he asked, his voice hoarse.
She took a deep breath, gathered herself and locked her eyes with his. "Well, the doctor suspects a small heart attack, but I'm not certain, and Fuji-san also was rather unconvinced. But let us go inside first; you're going to freeze to death in that shirt alone. What on earth happened to your clothes?"
Tezuka swallowed. How should he relate the fate that had befallen him; and the mention of Fuji's sister made him only too aware of the news he had to break - he felt sick. News he still couldn't believe himself. Maybe he had been dreaming all the time?
So he let himself be ushered inside by his mother, trying frantically to find a way to deal with everything going on. There were so many questions to address, so many things to relay, he didn't even know where he ought to begin.
"How are you feeling?" his mother asked once more, her tone a little graver than before, once she had shut the door behind him. His grandfather's study was still a mess - another reminder it hadn't all just been one horrific nightmare.
"Are you sure you are alright? Do you need to go to the hospital?"
As Tezuka shook his head in a silent reply to all those questions, his mother's expression began to change. She pressed her lips together, and swallowed. "Maybe you still should get a check up at the hospital. Just grab a change of clothes; we need to go there anyway, after what happened to Kunikazu and Fuji-kun."
Tezuka's head shot up like a rocket.
"What?" he asked, his voice strangled.
His mother blinked. "As I said, nobody knows for sure yet, but it was luck the emergency team had already been there after Fuji-san called an ambulance on Kunikazu’s behalf. They couldn’t pin down what was wrong with Kunikazu, but then Fuji-kun just stopped breathing from one moment to another, and we almost wouldn't have noticed since Fuji-san collapsed at about the same time."
Tezuka's eyes widened. His head spun with thoughts he didn't dare complete; the sheer imaginations were making him dizzy. Could it be?
His heart faltered.
Could it be that Fuji was not dead yet?
There was blood on his shirt, and he could still remember how Fuji's body had felt against his; warm, soft and like a puppet with its string cut; but maybe, maybe there was still hope left. The implications of his mother’s words, the subtle string of causality connecting the events she spoke of - those made his fingers tingle and his heart burn with anticipation.
It would … actually make sense.
Could he really dare to hope again?
His mother kept talking, unaware of what her words were doing to him, lost in her own recollections - the slight shaking of her fingers, the disarray of her hair posed silent reminders of the turbulences that had occurred in their home.
"It was all utterly confusing. One moment we were trying to figure out whatever happened to Kunikazu, the next Fuji-san just fell over clutching her chest,” a shadow crossed Ayana’s face, “If she hadn't woken in time and told us to look for her brother, we wouldn't even have noticed he had stopped breathing at all, the poor boy."
She shook her head, while Tezuka’s mind was spinning. Fuji had been with him. Had challenged the demon - how could he have been with his mother and Yumiko at the same time?
Ayana turned around and gave him a weak smile. "I'm only glad you're here, whole and safe. The emergency doctor did assure me that Kunikazu ought to recover soon, but Fuji-kun's condition had him quite worried. If you're feeling up to it, I would like to go and see them. Fuji-san accompanied them to the hospital, while I waited for you."
Tezuka clenched his fists to stop himself from shaking. His heart was fluttering with barely concealed anticipation, even though his mind kept spinning like a maelstrom. "I'll change, and then we can leave," he muttered, and stumbled up the stairs.
He was as anxious as he was happy - caught in a strange state of disbelief. When Fuji had died in his arms, he had been unable to make sense of the fact, even though everything had happened in front of his eyes. Now, accepting that he could start hoping again made him dizzy beyond reason.
How could it have happened? Fuji had been in the pocket dimension, together with him and the demon. He had been real - but his mother’s words confirmed a different reality; said clearly that Fuji had been here, at his family’s house the entire time.
And hadn’t he left Fuji’s body in the building, back there, when he had run away with barely a clear thought in his head other than the need to escape? How could his friend be in a hospital then?
A very small, very unfamiliar, mocking voice in the back of his head seemed to be laughing. There was an answer, it suggested, a simple answer - the voice reminded him of the demon.
But what would expect him at the hospital? What if he went there, just to witness his friend die a second time? What if Fuji's condition had worsened in the meantime and he had already passed on? His heart burned; he wanted badly to cling onto the faint ray of hope his mother's words had sparked, but was afraid to do so at the same time.
Everything else passed in a blur - Tezuka did not remember throwing on a clean shirt, only that everything seemed to take far too long. His heart was racing, and he had to remind himself to breathe.
Once they were in the car, Tezuka bit his lip. Did he dare to ask for more details? Did he dare to reveal his own encounter?
Would a careless word turn the events that had occurred in the pocket dimension into reality?
He took a deep breath. Whatever had happened - he would have to face the results anyway. Asking might help to alleviate the mess his mind had become. And maybe, maybe he could puzzle the pieces together, as that foreign sensation in his chest suggested.
“Mother,” he began, carefully watching his mother maneuver the car into the little traffic that populated the snow-covered roads, “Could you, perhaps, tell me what happened here?”
She sighed. “I might not be the best person to answer that question, Kunimitsu, as I don’t understand much of it either. I tried to ask Fuji-san for an explanation, but she was understandably distracted.”
He nodded, and she swallowed. "When I came home, I had no idea anything was wrong. The front door was open, so I suspected burglars, but as soon as I entered Fuji-san called me over. And then I found her in the study, trying to raise Kunikazu, and Fuji-kun was unconscious on the floor, completely soaked."
Tezuka nodded, his fingers unconsciously tightening in the fabric of his trousers. Ayana kept her eyes on the road, now that they were moving into a more populated area.
"She had already called an ambulance, and told me the two of you had been mixed up in an affair involving a powerful spirit, which apparently had also taken out Kunikazu," she was silent for a moment, “I really wish you had told me earlier. As hard to believe this story is, I would have preferred knowing beforehand to coming home to such a disaster.”
And she did not yet know the entire story. Tezuka felt guilt well up in his chest; he knew he ought to have told his mother. She wasn’t showing it, but she probably was disappointed. He should have known she would be able to overcome her misgivings concerning the supernatural - right now she had shown no problems speaking of spirits and occult events.
“I was rather concerned about your whereabouts, Kunimitsu,” Ayana continued, “Kunikazu was probably going to be alright, but Fuji-san was unable to tell me exactly where you had disappeared to. The only reassurance she could give me was that by some occult method Fuji-kun had followed.”
Tezuka swallowed. The pieces were beginning to form a picture - a bizarre one, that under normal circumstances he would have never dared to even think about. But as the voice of reason he had been familiar with had faded, another one had taken its place. One that seemed acquainted with the odd sensations assaulting him.
One that understood the supernatural.
He could not tell how - but the idea, that by some trick Fuji had been able to be at two places at the same time appeared fathomable. Especially since the place of action had been a pocket dimension. And if he suspected correctly, Yumiko had been the one to instigate it.
It would explain her collapse.
“Where did you go, Kunimitsu?” his mother asked, pulling him abruptly from his thoughts, “What happened there?”
Where had all that blood come from, she wanted to ask. Tezuka pressed his lips together.
“It’s… complicated,” he hesitantly offered. “Imagine some sort of a parallel dimension. It looked like a foreign place, probably somewhere in the south. What happened there…”
He swallowed - his mother did concentrate on the road, but he could tell she was closely hanging onto his words. Could he bear to tell the entire story? Especially when Fuji might still live here?
A part of him - one that sounded suspiciously like his old self - firmly reminded him that after everything he had kept from her, he should tell the entire truth this time. No matter how painful it was, after all the secrets he had kept, he owed her this.
But the words that fell from his lips were different. “The demon tried to perform a ceremony, but as Fuji interfered, it did not go as planned. Things … became a bit chaotic at that point, and I escaped.”
His mother drew a sharp breath. Tezuka flinched; obviously she could tell he was obscuring things - but let it slide. “And Fuji-kun?” she inquired.
Once again, the scene flashed in front of his eyes - the sudden blossoming of blood on his friend’s chest from a small, fatal wound, the way Fuji had collapsed, the tranquil expression on his face after his eyes had fluttered shut for the last time.
Cold sweat covered Tezuka’s hands. “I … we got separated in the chaos. I don’t know…”
Ayana’s lips formed a very thin line at those words. She glanced at her son sharply from the corner of her eye, before turning her attention back to the traffic.
“Fuji-san mentioned he ought to wake up once you get back,” she volunteered, “I do not understand the details, but she was very certain you would arrive in our backyard, if not in the pond itself. But that was before she collapsed herself and Fuji-kun stopped breathing.”
Tezuka nodded. In the distance he spied the hospital they were heading for, and his heart fluttered anxiously in his chest. He didn’t want to think about all the possibilities of what he could find.
But in the back of his mind, he was more than certain that Yumiko’s collapse had been brought about the moment Fuji had been attacked by the demon. And when his friend had died in his arms in the pocket dimension, he might as well have stopped breathing in this world.
It made sense.
But it did not bide well for Fuji’s condition.
Because even if modern science and medical knowledge might have been able to keep his friend’s body alive -
He might still be dead.
+ + +
They met Yumiko on the third floor, her face pale and drawn. Tezuka swallowed, and straightened instinctively, even if he felt like running away. Guilt sharply stabbed him in the chest.
“Fuji-san,” Ayana began, “Thank you very much for everything. Please, if there is any way me and my family can help you, tell us what to do.”
Tezuka, too, bowed his head. He could feel Yumiko’s eyes lingering on him, tired but sharp. There were unanswered questions in the air between them, but she abruptly turned away from him.
“Thank you very much for the offer, Tezuka-san, but at the moment there isn’t much that can be done,” she glanced down the corridor, “I did however just encounter the physician in charge of your father-in-law, and he told me his condition is fine. They expect him to wake up soon, though they would like him to spend the night in the hospital for observation only.”
Tezuka couldn’t help feeling relieved at the news, yet at the same time the flat tone in Yumiko’s voice made him worry. He had never seen this expression on her face - and deep down in his chest he wondered if she could tell what had happened.
If she knew that Fuji had given his life in order for him to escape.
Did she hate him for that?
“Thank you very much,” Ayana repeated, “If I may inquire, how is your brother?”
Yumiko visibly tensed, and she turned in order to look away from both of them. “His condition is unchanged, as of now. The physician I spoke to wasn’t clear on the details yet, however…”
Her voice trailed off, and Tezuka felt his throat constrict.
“Maybe you should go and see your friend, Kunimitsu,” his mother suggested, “I will look how Kunikazu is doing, meanwhile.”
The glance Yumiko cast into Ayana’s direction was unreadable. “Why not,” she commented, “He is in IC; so you need to go to the station desk and ask them to let you in.”
She wasn’t looking at him.
+ + +
The room was stark white, and didn't even hold the few amenities with which hospitals often sought to make their rooms more inviting. There were no pictures on the walls, there wasn't even enough space left for a table beside all the machines. Flowers, and gifts had been declared a taboo anyway, and the instructions of the nurse still rang in Tezuka's ears.
Fuji's case was a very special one, highly delicate, and they couldn't risk exposing their patient to further stress. He felt strange in the green plastic garment and scared too. What if he hadn't washed his hands properly? What if something he did would abruptly end Fuji's life?
There were many machines; Tezuka realized the moment he entered, far more than he had anticipated. A wild assortment of Wires and tubes connected his friend to various appliances, bubbling with differently colored liquids. Tezuka swallowed down the dizziness attacking him suddenly, and stepped closer.
Fuji rested motionless against the pillows, his face pale and relaxed. And motionless. It reminded Tezuka painfully of the last time he had seen his friend like this, when Fuji had been a warm weight in his arms.
But there was no blood right now.
Even though an oxygen mask covered the lower half of Fuji's face, he was breathing. Tezuka drew a shuddering breath himself, before carefully making his way to Fuji's bedside. It was disturbing to see his friend lie so lifelessly on those white sheets, his skin barely a shade darker. At least Fuji did not seem to be in any pain.
It was a small consolation.
In this moment, Fuji looked more like a porcelain doll than a breathing human being. As if he could shatter at the lightest touch - the one arm that rested on top of the bed covers looked incredibly thin. Dimly Tezuka was aware that emotions were blurring his perception; Fuji wasn’t fragile, had never been, and had he been awake, he would have made sure Tezuka remembered that.
But Fuji wasn’t awake right now.
And there was no way to tell if he would ever wake up again.
The weight that had been lifted from Tezuka’s heart the moment he had heard his mother mention that Fuji was still alive in this world, settled once again on his shoulders, heavier than before. It had been foolish to hope the events that had occurred in the pocket dimension would have left thing here untouched.
Not when he himself still felt different.
Carefully he reached out and brushed a strand of hair from Fuji’s forehead. The skin was cool - and his friend did not react in the slightest to the touch. No hitch in his even breathing, no fluttering eyelashes - nothing.
Tezuka pressed his lips together. His eyes were burning - but he couldn’t break down here. Not when he was practically at fault for the state his friend was in. So he stepped back, gathered himself and turned to leave.
He already had one hand on the doorknob, when he heard the voices.
"... should not let this proceed." the voice was unfamiliar, deep, male and obviously not very pleased with the situation.
"I am well aware this does not agree with standard procedures," Fuji Yumiko replied, tense, "But as far as I understand his condition has not been thoroughly understood yet."
"I am sorry if I wasn't clear enough earlier, miss," the man forced himself to be calm, and Tezuka swallowed, "While we may not understand what has caused your brother’s condition, the condition itself is medically clear. As it is, he is only alive due to the machines he is connected to. He is neither breathing on his own, nor is his heart beating by itself.”
Yumiko drew a deep, audible breath.
“I am sorry to say it, but this condition clearly cannot be reversed," the other continued, “From a medical point of view your brother is dead.”
“I see,” Yumiko’s reply was flat.
“I am very sorry for your loss,” the man said, sounding while not entirely honest, at least quite understanding, “And I can understand that it is difficult to fathom under these circumstances. However we are obliged to let nature have its way.”
“You mean let him die,” Yumiko shot back.
The man sighed. “I know this is complicated, but your brother’s situation is different from a coma patient on life support. Let me try to find a simple explanation - most coma patients’ hearts beat on their own, or at least without the steady support of a machine. However should we disconnect your brother from the machine, his heart would stop instantly.”
Tezuka’s palms felt sweaty. His fingers had clenched around the doorknob, he had forgotten all around the world around him.
“It is a harsh way of wording it, but you need to understand that your brother is already dead, Fuji-san,” the man said, “I’m very sorry.”
Dizziness surged in Tezuka. Had he really returned to lose Fuji a second time?
A grave sigh from Yumiko. “I understand,” she said, sounding strangely defeated, “But please at least wait until our parents had a chance to say goodbye.”
tbc
And if you found any mistakes, or want to share your opinion - please do so ^^
Title: What Should Have Never Been Found
Part: 21/26 (?)
Genre: Suspense
Wordcount: ~4000
Warnings: Violence, character death.
Characters: Tezuka, Fuji, and some others.
Summary: Due to circumstances, Tezuka is forced to make an after school trip to a house belonging to friends of his grandfather. Fuji accompanies him and encounters something unexpected.
Disclaimer: PoT is not mine (which is probably for the better)
Prior Parts: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 |
AN: uh-oh, hope the format is okay...doesn't look as it is supposed to right now
Twenty-one
Snowflakes swirled in the darkness around him, spinning in a mad dance that painted the world white. Icy air sharply bit into his skin, burned in his lungs and took his breath away. For a moment Tezuka couldn't see anything at all, only the firm ground underneath his feet anchored him to reality.
An odd sense of nausea lingered in the back of his stomach, as blood drained from his cheeks. Yet the cold was hardly bothering him, neither was his breath fogging up his glasses as it sometimes did on very cold winter days. His coat might have been lost in the nightmare, but he hardly cared. Something was gravely wrong - but at the same time it barely fazed him.
Maybe it was the nightmare he had just emerged from. Maybe it had been whatever twisted power had transported him from there to here. Or maybe it was whatever ceremony the demon had performed that was messing with his head.
He couldn't help the dizziness that arose, even as he recognized the familiar outlines of his family’s backyard. Large pine trees loomed dark against the grey sky - daylight was faint or already fading; he had no idea how much time had passed while he'd been in the pocket dimension.
A gust of wind, branches shifted and revealed the outline of the house, well-preserved wood and warmly lit windows. Part of his heart ached to go in, huddle underneath a blanket with a hot cup of tea and a good book - pain abruptly spiked in his heart. Tezuka blinked, and pressed his lips together.
Could he retreat like this enticing memory suggested?
He took a step forward but stopped.
Could he return? Return to his life, when Fuji had just died in his arms? Was it really right for him to return to his family as if nothing had happened, when Fuji would never again return to his?
Did he have the right to go on as if all was right?
Maybe he ought to turn and run. Do something to make up for his failure before stepping in front of his family again. Tezuka swallowed. He didn't know what to do, and his normal sense of rationality had abandoned him, nothing but a small voice muttering nonsense in the back of his head.
And the snowflakes seemed to whisper; urge him to turn his back to the light. Fuji was dead; this was no place he could return to. The demon’s ceremony had changed him; human warmth was no longer for him.
"Kunimitsu?" a sudden yell drew him from his contemplations. Abruptly he lifted his head; and his mother had already thrown open the back door and was rushing out to meet him, not caring to even change her shoes or throw on a coat.
"Kunimitsu, you're back, you're really back. I'm ... I was so worried. Are you alright? Did anything happen? Are you injured? Is..." Her breath was forming small clouds in the freezing air - and he had never heard her use this tone before.
Tezuka's eyes widened, as an odd sensation spread through his body. He was relieved, yet felt guilty at the same time, and something about his mother's behavior was off. Her hair wasn't in her usual neat bun, her clothes rumpled - and why wasn't she confused at his sudden arrival in the middle of the backyard?
"Is ... Is that blood?" her voice sounded faint, and her steps slowed. For a moment, the arms she had stretched out to embrace him wavered. "Kunimitsu, are you injured? Are you hurt?"
Finally Tezuka found his voice. With a very stiff shake of his head, he replied: " No, mother, I'm not hurt."
He did not know if he was alright or not - he felt dead on the inside, barely capable of feeling anymore. And the faint emotions he did sense were dulled, odd and gone within seconds.
His mother did not hesitate to draw him into a hug fiercer than any he could remember receiving. But as she buried her face into the crook of his neck, not minding the smell of blood that clung to his body or the snow soaking through her thin slippers, Tezuka could feel a faint spark of warmth light up in his own heart.
Something burned in the corner of his eye - fatigue, exhaustion, pain; he couldn't tell what he was feeling any longer. But for this sweet moment he could at least hold onto another human being.
"I was so afraid, you have no idea. What Fuji-san told me... Honestly, had I known any earlier what you got yourself into, Id have... But then again...and Kunikazu," she wasn't making sense right now.
A stab of fear attacked Tezuka's heart.
What on earth had happened to his grandfather? He only recalled the demon waving her wrist at him, and him keeling over without a noise. Was he...?
Slowly, but gently he detached himself from the embrace, so that he could look into his mother's face. She was visibly paler than normal, but there were no tear streaks, no signs of despair to be found there. Could he dare to hope his grandfather's life had been spared?
His heart trembled.
"Mother, what happened to grandfather?" he asked, his voice hoarse.
She took a deep breath, gathered herself and locked her eyes with his. "Well, the doctor suspects a small heart attack, but I'm not certain, and Fuji-san also was rather unconvinced. But let us go inside first; you're going to freeze to death in that shirt alone. What on earth happened to your clothes?"
Tezuka swallowed. How should he relate the fate that had befallen him; and the mention of Fuji's sister made him only too aware of the news he had to break - he felt sick. News he still couldn't believe himself. Maybe he had been dreaming all the time?
So he let himself be ushered inside by his mother, trying frantically to find a way to deal with everything going on. There were so many questions to address, so many things to relay, he didn't even know where he ought to begin.
"How are you feeling?" his mother asked once more, her tone a little graver than before, once she had shut the door behind him. His grandfather's study was still a mess - another reminder it hadn't all just been one horrific nightmare.
"Are you sure you are alright? Do you need to go to the hospital?"
As Tezuka shook his head in a silent reply to all those questions, his mother's expression began to change. She pressed her lips together, and swallowed. "Maybe you still should get a check up at the hospital. Just grab a change of clothes; we need to go there anyway, after what happened to Kunikazu and Fuji-kun."
Tezuka's head shot up like a rocket.
"What?" he asked, his voice strangled.
His mother blinked. "As I said, nobody knows for sure yet, but it was luck the emergency team had already been there after Fuji-san called an ambulance on Kunikazu’s behalf. They couldn’t pin down what was wrong with Kunikazu, but then Fuji-kun just stopped breathing from one moment to another, and we almost wouldn't have noticed since Fuji-san collapsed at about the same time."
Tezuka's eyes widened. His head spun with thoughts he didn't dare complete; the sheer imaginations were making him dizzy. Could it be?
His heart faltered.
Could it be that Fuji was not dead yet?
There was blood on his shirt, and he could still remember how Fuji's body had felt against his; warm, soft and like a puppet with its string cut; but maybe, maybe there was still hope left. The implications of his mother’s words, the subtle string of causality connecting the events she spoke of - those made his fingers tingle and his heart burn with anticipation.
It would … actually make sense.
Could he really dare to hope again?
His mother kept talking, unaware of what her words were doing to him, lost in her own recollections - the slight shaking of her fingers, the disarray of her hair posed silent reminders of the turbulences that had occurred in their home.
"It was all utterly confusing. One moment we were trying to figure out whatever happened to Kunikazu, the next Fuji-san just fell over clutching her chest,” a shadow crossed Ayana’s face, “If she hadn't woken in time and told us to look for her brother, we wouldn't even have noticed he had stopped breathing at all, the poor boy."
She shook her head, while Tezuka’s mind was spinning. Fuji had been with him. Had challenged the demon - how could he have been with his mother and Yumiko at the same time?
Ayana turned around and gave him a weak smile. "I'm only glad you're here, whole and safe. The emergency doctor did assure me that Kunikazu ought to recover soon, but Fuji-kun's condition had him quite worried. If you're feeling up to it, I would like to go and see them. Fuji-san accompanied them to the hospital, while I waited for you."
Tezuka clenched his fists to stop himself from shaking. His heart was fluttering with barely concealed anticipation, even though his mind kept spinning like a maelstrom. "I'll change, and then we can leave," he muttered, and stumbled up the stairs.
He was as anxious as he was happy - caught in a strange state of disbelief. When Fuji had died in his arms, he had been unable to make sense of the fact, even though everything had happened in front of his eyes. Now, accepting that he could start hoping again made him dizzy beyond reason.
How could it have happened? Fuji had been in the pocket dimension, together with him and the demon. He had been real - but his mother’s words confirmed a different reality; said clearly that Fuji had been here, at his family’s house the entire time.
And hadn’t he left Fuji’s body in the building, back there, when he had run away with barely a clear thought in his head other than the need to escape? How could his friend be in a hospital then?
A very small, very unfamiliar, mocking voice in the back of his head seemed to be laughing. There was an answer, it suggested, a simple answer - the voice reminded him of the demon.
But what would expect him at the hospital? What if he went there, just to witness his friend die a second time? What if Fuji's condition had worsened in the meantime and he had already passed on? His heart burned; he wanted badly to cling onto the faint ray of hope his mother's words had sparked, but was afraid to do so at the same time.
Everything else passed in a blur - Tezuka did not remember throwing on a clean shirt, only that everything seemed to take far too long. His heart was racing, and he had to remind himself to breathe.
Once they were in the car, Tezuka bit his lip. Did he dare to ask for more details? Did he dare to reveal his own encounter?
Would a careless word turn the events that had occurred in the pocket dimension into reality?
He took a deep breath. Whatever had happened - he would have to face the results anyway. Asking might help to alleviate the mess his mind had become. And maybe, maybe he could puzzle the pieces together, as that foreign sensation in his chest suggested.
“Mother,” he began, carefully watching his mother maneuver the car into the little traffic that populated the snow-covered roads, “Could you, perhaps, tell me what happened here?”
She sighed. “I might not be the best person to answer that question, Kunimitsu, as I don’t understand much of it either. I tried to ask Fuji-san for an explanation, but she was understandably distracted.”
He nodded, and she swallowed. "When I came home, I had no idea anything was wrong. The front door was open, so I suspected burglars, but as soon as I entered Fuji-san called me over. And then I found her in the study, trying to raise Kunikazu, and Fuji-kun was unconscious on the floor, completely soaked."
Tezuka nodded, his fingers unconsciously tightening in the fabric of his trousers. Ayana kept her eyes on the road, now that they were moving into a more populated area.
"She had already called an ambulance, and told me the two of you had been mixed up in an affair involving a powerful spirit, which apparently had also taken out Kunikazu," she was silent for a moment, “I really wish you had told me earlier. As hard to believe this story is, I would have preferred knowing beforehand to coming home to such a disaster.”
And she did not yet know the entire story. Tezuka felt guilt well up in his chest; he knew he ought to have told his mother. She wasn’t showing it, but she probably was disappointed. He should have known she would be able to overcome her misgivings concerning the supernatural - right now she had shown no problems speaking of spirits and occult events.
“I was rather concerned about your whereabouts, Kunimitsu,” Ayana continued, “Kunikazu was probably going to be alright, but Fuji-san was unable to tell me exactly where you had disappeared to. The only reassurance she could give me was that by some occult method Fuji-kun had followed.”
Tezuka swallowed. The pieces were beginning to form a picture - a bizarre one, that under normal circumstances he would have never dared to even think about. But as the voice of reason he had been familiar with had faded, another one had taken its place. One that seemed acquainted with the odd sensations assaulting him.
One that understood the supernatural.
He could not tell how - but the idea, that by some trick Fuji had been able to be at two places at the same time appeared fathomable. Especially since the place of action had been a pocket dimension. And if he suspected correctly, Yumiko had been the one to instigate it.
It would explain her collapse.
“Where did you go, Kunimitsu?” his mother asked, pulling him abruptly from his thoughts, “What happened there?”
Where had all that blood come from, she wanted to ask. Tezuka pressed his lips together.
“It’s… complicated,” he hesitantly offered. “Imagine some sort of a parallel dimension. It looked like a foreign place, probably somewhere in the south. What happened there…”
He swallowed - his mother did concentrate on the road, but he could tell she was closely hanging onto his words. Could he bear to tell the entire story? Especially when Fuji might still live here?
A part of him - one that sounded suspiciously like his old self - firmly reminded him that after everything he had kept from her, he should tell the entire truth this time. No matter how painful it was, after all the secrets he had kept, he owed her this.
But the words that fell from his lips were different. “The demon tried to perform a ceremony, but as Fuji interfered, it did not go as planned. Things … became a bit chaotic at that point, and I escaped.”
His mother drew a sharp breath. Tezuka flinched; obviously she could tell he was obscuring things - but let it slide. “And Fuji-kun?” she inquired.
Once again, the scene flashed in front of his eyes - the sudden blossoming of blood on his friend’s chest from a small, fatal wound, the way Fuji had collapsed, the tranquil expression on his face after his eyes had fluttered shut for the last time.
Cold sweat covered Tezuka’s hands. “I … we got separated in the chaos. I don’t know…”
Ayana’s lips formed a very thin line at those words. She glanced at her son sharply from the corner of her eye, before turning her attention back to the traffic.
“Fuji-san mentioned he ought to wake up once you get back,” she volunteered, “I do not understand the details, but she was very certain you would arrive in our backyard, if not in the pond itself. But that was before she collapsed herself and Fuji-kun stopped breathing.”
Tezuka nodded. In the distance he spied the hospital they were heading for, and his heart fluttered anxiously in his chest. He didn’t want to think about all the possibilities of what he could find.
But in the back of his mind, he was more than certain that Yumiko’s collapse had been brought about the moment Fuji had been attacked by the demon. And when his friend had died in his arms in the pocket dimension, he might as well have stopped breathing in this world.
It made sense.
But it did not bide well for Fuji’s condition.
Because even if modern science and medical knowledge might have been able to keep his friend’s body alive -
He might still be dead.
+ + +
They met Yumiko on the third floor, her face pale and drawn. Tezuka swallowed, and straightened instinctively, even if he felt like running away. Guilt sharply stabbed him in the chest.
“Fuji-san,” Ayana began, “Thank you very much for everything. Please, if there is any way me and my family can help you, tell us what to do.”
Tezuka, too, bowed his head. He could feel Yumiko’s eyes lingering on him, tired but sharp. There were unanswered questions in the air between them, but she abruptly turned away from him.
“Thank you very much for the offer, Tezuka-san, but at the moment there isn’t much that can be done,” she glanced down the corridor, “I did however just encounter the physician in charge of your father-in-law, and he told me his condition is fine. They expect him to wake up soon, though they would like him to spend the night in the hospital for observation only.”
Tezuka couldn’t help feeling relieved at the news, yet at the same time the flat tone in Yumiko’s voice made him worry. He had never seen this expression on her face - and deep down in his chest he wondered if she could tell what had happened.
If she knew that Fuji had given his life in order for him to escape.
Did she hate him for that?
“Thank you very much,” Ayana repeated, “If I may inquire, how is your brother?”
Yumiko visibly tensed, and she turned in order to look away from both of them. “His condition is unchanged, as of now. The physician I spoke to wasn’t clear on the details yet, however…”
Her voice trailed off, and Tezuka felt his throat constrict.
“Maybe you should go and see your friend, Kunimitsu,” his mother suggested, “I will look how Kunikazu is doing, meanwhile.”
The glance Yumiko cast into Ayana’s direction was unreadable. “Why not,” she commented, “He is in IC; so you need to go to the station desk and ask them to let you in.”
She wasn’t looking at him.
+ + +
The room was stark white, and didn't even hold the few amenities with which hospitals often sought to make their rooms more inviting. There were no pictures on the walls, there wasn't even enough space left for a table beside all the machines. Flowers, and gifts had been declared a taboo anyway, and the instructions of the nurse still rang in Tezuka's ears.
Fuji's case was a very special one, highly delicate, and they couldn't risk exposing their patient to further stress. He felt strange in the green plastic garment and scared too. What if he hadn't washed his hands properly? What if something he did would abruptly end Fuji's life?
There were many machines; Tezuka realized the moment he entered, far more than he had anticipated. A wild assortment of Wires and tubes connected his friend to various appliances, bubbling with differently colored liquids. Tezuka swallowed down the dizziness attacking him suddenly, and stepped closer.
Fuji rested motionless against the pillows, his face pale and relaxed. And motionless. It reminded Tezuka painfully of the last time he had seen his friend like this, when Fuji had been a warm weight in his arms.
But there was no blood right now.
Even though an oxygen mask covered the lower half of Fuji's face, he was breathing. Tezuka drew a shuddering breath himself, before carefully making his way to Fuji's bedside. It was disturbing to see his friend lie so lifelessly on those white sheets, his skin barely a shade darker. At least Fuji did not seem to be in any pain.
It was a small consolation.
In this moment, Fuji looked more like a porcelain doll than a breathing human being. As if he could shatter at the lightest touch - the one arm that rested on top of the bed covers looked incredibly thin. Dimly Tezuka was aware that emotions were blurring his perception; Fuji wasn’t fragile, had never been, and had he been awake, he would have made sure Tezuka remembered that.
But Fuji wasn’t awake right now.
And there was no way to tell if he would ever wake up again.
The weight that had been lifted from Tezuka’s heart the moment he had heard his mother mention that Fuji was still alive in this world, settled once again on his shoulders, heavier than before. It had been foolish to hope the events that had occurred in the pocket dimension would have left thing here untouched.
Not when he himself still felt different.
Carefully he reached out and brushed a strand of hair from Fuji’s forehead. The skin was cool - and his friend did not react in the slightest to the touch. No hitch in his even breathing, no fluttering eyelashes - nothing.
Tezuka pressed his lips together. His eyes were burning - but he couldn’t break down here. Not when he was practically at fault for the state his friend was in. So he stepped back, gathered himself and turned to leave.
He already had one hand on the doorknob, when he heard the voices.
"... should not let this proceed." the voice was unfamiliar, deep, male and obviously not very pleased with the situation.
"I am well aware this does not agree with standard procedures," Fuji Yumiko replied, tense, "But as far as I understand his condition has not been thoroughly understood yet."
"I am sorry if I wasn't clear enough earlier, miss," the man forced himself to be calm, and Tezuka swallowed, "While we may not understand what has caused your brother’s condition, the condition itself is medically clear. As it is, he is only alive due to the machines he is connected to. He is neither breathing on his own, nor is his heart beating by itself.”
Yumiko drew a deep, audible breath.
“I am sorry to say it, but this condition clearly cannot be reversed," the other continued, “From a medical point of view your brother is dead.”
“I see,” Yumiko’s reply was flat.
“I am very sorry for your loss,” the man said, sounding while not entirely honest, at least quite understanding, “And I can understand that it is difficult to fathom under these circumstances. However we are obliged to let nature have its way.”
“You mean let him die,” Yumiko shot back.
The man sighed. “I know this is complicated, but your brother’s situation is different from a coma patient on life support. Let me try to find a simple explanation - most coma patients’ hearts beat on their own, or at least without the steady support of a machine. However should we disconnect your brother from the machine, his heart would stop instantly.”
Tezuka’s palms felt sweaty. His fingers had clenched around the doorknob, he had forgotten all around the world around him.
“It is a harsh way of wording it, but you need to understand that your brother is already dead, Fuji-san,” the man said, “I’m very sorry.”
Dizziness surged in Tezuka. Had he really returned to lose Fuji a second time?
A grave sigh from Yumiko. “I understand,” she said, sounding strangely defeated, “But please at least wait until our parents had a chance to say goodbye.”
tbc
And if you found any mistakes, or want to share your opinion - please do so ^^