Love Her
Title: Love Her
Rating: PG-13 [contains kissing]
Pairing(s): Mainly Donghae/OC, slight mention of Yoochun/OC
Disclaimer(s): I do not own Park Yoochun, Lee Donghae, Ben Jelen's 'Christine' or Mun Ami. Thank you all very much.
A/N: Written as an apology for Amy unnie! Chongmal cheoseonghamnida! I didn't mean to delay the recent chapter so much!
-----
"Donghae yah," I try to focus on the task at hand, my English Literature assignment that was due in several days time.
"Hmm?" I try to sound as though I'm not listening at all, because in fact, I'm simply waiting for her to tell me she doesn't love anyone anymore, that she loves me. That she will come to me. However, I know I wish for too much, my expectations are far too high. I know she will never love me, because she will always have someone else, man or woman, it's never been me.
"I think I'm in love again."
---
"C'mon, Donghae, you know I always love you."
Lies. All of her lies. She says she loves me and I suppose, in a way she does, but she takes my heart when she says she always loves me. She takes my heart and tears it viciously in two, because she doesn't know how much her words make me want to believe we can love each other the way I want us to. Because it's too painful when she tells me she still loves me, despite loving someone else. I want to believe that one day, she will love me. She will love me so much that I want her to stop even. Yet the day never comes, like an endless tomorrow, I keep believing, wishing, breathing for the day she will love me.
---
"Donghae yah..." I watch her from my window, the rain blurring her slumped figure. I can hear the connection crackling as the water pours down on her cell phone. The way she clutches tightly onto his jacket sleeves. The way his is the name that she bears on her back. The way I can only watch as she sits there, the tears blending with the hail we call rain. I want to run forth, to protect her from him, but she's too much in love. It's a different person from before. This time, he is the school jock, the most popular and sought after guy on the school's varsity team. And yet he chose to torture her. The one I love. He is simply another one of the obstacles I face. And I know she loves him more than she will love me. And I know she has given too much of her heart once more. And I know she will continue give her heart away, until there's nothing left for me.
She loves the whole damn world, but she just won't love me.
---
"Hey, girl!" I hear them call, everywhere we go, there is someone hounding after her. I don't know if its because of her countless loves, the way she allows her heart to be taken by people who will just fool with her heart. I'm not sure if her fame is because of her countless break-ups and heartaches. I can't be certain if it's because she's a slut to them, or if it's because they pity her, that's why they love her. But the whole world loves her. The whole world loves her but it's never, never enough. The world cannot love her enough or more than I love her. And when we part for our classes, the world stops spinning. Everything freezes, even time, as I wait for her to return. The world has to have her to be a world. Without her, it remains a globe of life, unmoving.
And as I see her text messages of cancelled dates again, I feel my life shutting down. Because I can never live without her. I feel everything stopping. And like Adam when he falls asleep, I believe I'm dying again.
---
It was just one moment, just a split second and I could tell, I was to regret introducing Yoochun to her.
"Wow, I know exactly what you mean when you say she's probably the best thing that ever happened to the world!" I feel hatred bubbling within me, clouding the love I feel for her. I wanted at that very moment to kill him, to strangle him, to turn back time and decide never to introduce them. I'm the only one who is ever fit to love her, who can love her enough for her insatiable needs. I'm the only one who can love her enough to want to be there for her every time she falls. And I'm the only one who loves her enough to watch her and help her stand up on her own. I'm the only one who can love her enough to want to protect her but teach her to protect herself.
---
"I'm staying over tonight," she announces as she packs her bag and waits for me patiently. I cannot help but feel something spark within me. I'm too excited to express the emotions that are pulsing through me right now as I try to muster the courage to tell her my heart, to give my heart to her as she gave hers to many others. I try to convince myself it will not hurt when my heart shatters to the ground, untaken for the umpteeth time.
---
Taking her hand in mine, I watch the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest as she sleeps. Her eyes are closed tightly and this is the only time when she will love me back. The only time that as I love her, I don't feel as though she doesn't love me back. Because when she's asleep, she loves me as much as I want her to. As I hover over her, her constant inhales and exhales make her whispered breath for on my skin. I savour the light feeling and try to remain as calm as I can. I try not to whoop with joy and wake her, because when she's awake, she doesn't love me anymore. I'd just come in to check if she was still awake and immediately, as if I have no self-control, everything slips out of my hands. Brushing my lips lightly against hers, I pull away to memorise the sweet taste. And I brush my lips against hers again, ever so lightly, like butterfly touches. And again. Again. Again. Again. Because I know I can never stop.
---
And as I write down another stroke to complete her name once more, I reminisce and count the number of times I've done this. This is the most recent heartbreak that I feel has been immortalised as part of her beautiful but simple name. I watch as she sits, staring dazedly into blank space. I can already tell what she's about to say and I don't even bother waiting for her to tell me, I ask. I ask and allow my heart to shatter seconds earlier before it is due to.
"Are you in love again?"
"Donghae yah, you know me best."
"Who is it?"
"His name is Lee Donghae."
Are we headed for nowhere? As she smiles at me dreamily, I can't help but count. This is the 7th time she's fallen for someone with a name like mine. I smile and I pretend. I pretend that its me she loves. That I am the Lee Donghae she's spoken of.
-----
Err... Kind of pointless, but I hope this makes up for my lack of updates, unnie! Saranghamnida! Look! It's Yoochun! As my mood theme! Sorry I couldn't really fit him in. The story kinda spiralled out of control after a while. HAHA.
Rating: PG-13 [contains kissing]
Pairing(s): Mainly Donghae/OC, slight mention of Yoochun/OC
Disclaimer(s): I do not own Park Yoochun, Lee Donghae, Ben Jelen's 'Christine' or Mun Ami. Thank you all very much.
A/N: Written as an apology for Amy unnie! Chongmal cheoseonghamnida! I didn't mean to delay the recent chapter so much!
-----
"Donghae yah," I try to focus on the task at hand, my English Literature assignment that was due in several days time.
"Hmm?" I try to sound as though I'm not listening at all, because in fact, I'm simply waiting for her to tell me she doesn't love anyone anymore, that she loves me. That she will come to me. However, I know I wish for too much, my expectations are far too high. I know she will never love me, because she will always have someone else, man or woman, it's never been me.
"I think I'm in love again."
---
"C'mon, Donghae, you know I always love you."
Lies. All of her lies. She says she loves me and I suppose, in a way she does, but she takes my heart when she says she always loves me. She takes my heart and tears it viciously in two, because she doesn't know how much her words make me want to believe we can love each other the way I want us to. Because it's too painful when she tells me she still loves me, despite loving someone else. I want to believe that one day, she will love me. She will love me so much that I want her to stop even. Yet the day never comes, like an endless tomorrow, I keep believing, wishing, breathing for the day she will love me.
---
"Donghae yah..." I watch her from my window, the rain blurring her slumped figure. I can hear the connection crackling as the water pours down on her cell phone. The way she clutches tightly onto his jacket sleeves. The way his is the name that she bears on her back. The way I can only watch as she sits there, the tears blending with the hail we call rain. I want to run forth, to protect her from him, but she's too much in love. It's a different person from before. This time, he is the school jock, the most popular and sought after guy on the school's varsity team. And yet he chose to torture her. The one I love. He is simply another one of the obstacles I face. And I know she loves him more than she will love me. And I know she has given too much of her heart once more. And I know she will continue give her heart away, until there's nothing left for me.
She loves the whole damn world, but she just won't love me.
---
"Hey, girl!" I hear them call, everywhere we go, there is someone hounding after her. I don't know if its because of her countless loves, the way she allows her heart to be taken by people who will just fool with her heart. I'm not sure if her fame is because of her countless break-ups and heartaches. I can't be certain if it's because she's a slut to them, or if it's because they pity her, that's why they love her. But the whole world loves her. The whole world loves her but it's never, never enough. The world cannot love her enough or more than I love her. And when we part for our classes, the world stops spinning. Everything freezes, even time, as I wait for her to return. The world has to have her to be a world. Without her, it remains a globe of life, unmoving.
And as I see her text messages of cancelled dates again, I feel my life shutting down. Because I can never live without her. I feel everything stopping. And like Adam when he falls asleep, I believe I'm dying again.
---
It was just one moment, just a split second and I could tell, I was to regret introducing Yoochun to her.
"Wow, I know exactly what you mean when you say she's probably the best thing that ever happened to the world!" I feel hatred bubbling within me, clouding the love I feel for her. I wanted at that very moment to kill him, to strangle him, to turn back time and decide never to introduce them. I'm the only one who is ever fit to love her, who can love her enough for her insatiable needs. I'm the only one who can love her enough to want to be there for her every time she falls. And I'm the only one who loves her enough to watch her and help her stand up on her own. I'm the only one who can love her enough to want to protect her but teach her to protect herself.
---
"I'm staying over tonight," she announces as she packs her bag and waits for me patiently. I cannot help but feel something spark within me. I'm too excited to express the emotions that are pulsing through me right now as I try to muster the courage to tell her my heart, to give my heart to her as she gave hers to many others. I try to convince myself it will not hurt when my heart shatters to the ground, untaken for the umpteeth time.
---
Taking her hand in mine, I watch the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest as she sleeps. Her eyes are closed tightly and this is the only time when she will love me back. The only time that as I love her, I don't feel as though she doesn't love me back. Because when she's asleep, she loves me as much as I want her to. As I hover over her, her constant inhales and exhales make her whispered breath for on my skin. I savour the light feeling and try to remain as calm as I can. I try not to whoop with joy and wake her, because when she's awake, she doesn't love me anymore. I'd just come in to check if she was still awake and immediately, as if I have no self-control, everything slips out of my hands. Brushing my lips lightly against hers, I pull away to memorise the sweet taste. And I brush my lips against hers again, ever so lightly, like butterfly touches. And again. Again. Again. Again. Because I know I can never stop.
---
And as I write down another stroke to complete her name once more, I reminisce and count the number of times I've done this. This is the most recent heartbreak that I feel has been immortalised as part of her beautiful but simple name. I watch as she sits, staring dazedly into blank space. I can already tell what she's about to say and I don't even bother waiting for her to tell me, I ask. I ask and allow my heart to shatter seconds earlier before it is due to.
"Are you in love again?"
"Donghae yah, you know me best."
"Who is it?"
"His name is Lee Donghae."
Are we headed for nowhere? As she smiles at me dreamily, I can't help but count. This is the 7th time she's fallen for someone with a name like mine. I smile and I pretend. I pretend that its me she loves. That I am the Lee Donghae she's spoken of.
-----
Err... Kind of pointless, but I hope this makes up for my lack of updates, unnie! Saranghamnida! Look! It's Yoochun! As my mood theme! Sorry I couldn't really fit him in. The story kinda spiralled out of control after a while. HAHA.