Canned Goodness.
Hungry? Don't have time for a meal, you say? The Hell You Don't, I say! Not with the great canned products that are available in these days and ages. For instance, they have Canned Hamburgers (Now available without a perscription). That's right. Now you, too, can enjoy a juicy, flame-broiled hamburger right from the can! It's just good old-fashioned home cooking, just like when mom used to cook an entire year's meals at once and just chucked them in cans and everyone got sick and died. Not in the mood for a Hamburger? Maybe you need a meal for the whole family? Well, you could try a whole chicken in a can. I mean, think of it, you cou....huh? No, I didn't make that up. It's a whole chicken, shoved in a can. They apparently coat it in vasoline. Or Jelly. Or Vasoline Jelly. Or something. In fact, it's probably just monkey spooge. The point is, monkeys jerk off on dead chickens then people shove them in cans and you buy it and eat it.
Don't believe me?
Don't believe me?