{ of scars and of wounds in the heart, of feeling the full weight of our burdens }
Who: Kunsel and Zack
When: ...I don't even know anymore. After the stuff with Kira, same later the same day Kira picks him up.
Location: A hotel in Edge.
Rating: PG
Summary: Two boys, one hotel room. You know what that makes? ...a lot of wasted potential.
After getting off the phone with Zack, Kunsel waited by the window for a while but finally left his post to curl up on the bed, still clutching the chocobo egg to his chest. His thoughts wouldn't leave him, and every time he let his thoughts idle, they would stray towards the past two days which were more void than memory. His thoughts in themselves were just as unforgiving. He couldn't seem to get away from his memories of SOLDIER, of all the friends he had lost. None of those deaths had ever affected him as much as Sion's death, but they did not leave him untouched either. They had all been his brothers in arms, after all. They had all been his allies, his friends. And even the enemy, the people he had killed under orders were beginning to haunt him.
It really wasn't any specific memory so much as the summation of his entire life. Bloodshed followed him wherever he went. It was just as Kira had said.
Once a SOLDIER, always a SOLDIER.
He didn't understand why he couldn't seem to stop. Thinking about it, reliving what snatches he could remember. Anxiety gripped him, flooding his body with that same numbing cold he had known when Zack first went missing and the days following Sion's death. The world had simply ceased to make sense to Kunsel. There didn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to the suffering, only that it happened and it happened often. The world no longer made sense to Kunsel, and he really wasn't sure that it ever had. These feelings, he knew, this state of mind-- It was like any other illness. Like having a fever or a cold, Kunsel remembered how whenever he was sick as a child, he was usually so miserable with it that he couldn't really remember what being well felt like until he was well again. Like he wasn't sure what life was like without constant sniffles.
That was how he felt now. He couldn't fathom what he used to think about to occupy his time rather than revisiting his life in SOLDIER, Sion's death, and all the memories he had on Chocobo Farm which didn't offer him any comfort anymore. He didn't know what being okay felt like, and he knew even less how to get back there. If only he could make his thoughts stop, then surely...
"Shhh," he whispered to fill the deafening silence of the room, speaking to the egg he had cradled in his arms. He was glad he had found it, glad he had taken the time to look. Just as much as he had saved the life of the chick by rescuing it, he felt a little like the hatchling was saving him too. "Zack'll be here soon, eggy. You'll like him, but probably not as much as he'll like you. Chocobo fanatic, that one. I wonder if you're a girl or a boy...? Or what color you are? Zack'll like you no matter what, but... They say chocobo take after their owners, you know."
And all at once, somehow, things were better. Not completely better or even significantly better, but they were better all the same. Perhaps because Kunsel found himself talking about the future instead of staring into the horrors of the past. Because he was reminded that there was a future, and in it there was Zack.
...suddenly, things were somehow better.
When: ...I don't even know anymore. After the stuff with Kira, same later the same day Kira picks him up.
Location: A hotel in Edge.
Rating: PG
Summary: Two boys, one hotel room. You know what that makes? ...a lot of wasted potential.
After getting off the phone with Zack, Kunsel waited by the window for a while but finally left his post to curl up on the bed, still clutching the chocobo egg to his chest. His thoughts wouldn't leave him, and every time he let his thoughts idle, they would stray towards the past two days which were more void than memory. His thoughts in themselves were just as unforgiving. He couldn't seem to get away from his memories of SOLDIER, of all the friends he had lost. None of those deaths had ever affected him as much as Sion's death, but they did not leave him untouched either. They had all been his brothers in arms, after all. They had all been his allies, his friends. And even the enemy, the people he had killed under orders were beginning to haunt him.
It really wasn't any specific memory so much as the summation of his entire life. Bloodshed followed him wherever he went. It was just as Kira had said.
Once a SOLDIER, always a SOLDIER.
He didn't understand why he couldn't seem to stop. Thinking about it, reliving what snatches he could remember. Anxiety gripped him, flooding his body with that same numbing cold he had known when Zack first went missing and the days following Sion's death. The world had simply ceased to make sense to Kunsel. There didn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to the suffering, only that it happened and it happened often. The world no longer made sense to Kunsel, and he really wasn't sure that it ever had. These feelings, he knew, this state of mind-- It was like any other illness. Like having a fever or a cold, Kunsel remembered how whenever he was sick as a child, he was usually so miserable with it that he couldn't really remember what being well felt like until he was well again. Like he wasn't sure what life was like without constant sniffles.
That was how he felt now. He couldn't fathom what he used to think about to occupy his time rather than revisiting his life in SOLDIER, Sion's death, and all the memories he had on Chocobo Farm which didn't offer him any comfort anymore. He didn't know what being okay felt like, and he knew even less how to get back there. If only he could make his thoughts stop, then surely...
"Shhh," he whispered to fill the deafening silence of the room, speaking to the egg he had cradled in his arms. He was glad he had found it, glad he had taken the time to look. Just as much as he had saved the life of the chick by rescuing it, he felt a little like the hatchling was saving him too. "Zack'll be here soon, eggy. You'll like him, but probably not as much as he'll like you. Chocobo fanatic, that one. I wonder if you're a girl or a boy...? Or what color you are? Zack'll like you no matter what, but... They say chocobo take after their owners, you know."
And all at once, somehow, things were better. Not completely better or even significantly better, but they were better all the same. Perhaps because Kunsel found himself talking about the future instead of staring into the horrors of the past. Because he was reminded that there was a future, and in it there was Zack.
...suddenly, things were somehow better.