just_muse_me | 9.1.5. Mark Twain quote
9.1.5. “Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.” - Mark Twain
Co-written with agentsullivan
Andrew placed the large bunch of flowers on the roof of his car so he could zip his long coat up and accompany it with some gloves and a scarf. A light snow had fallen overnight and was dusting the grounds of the large cemetery, giving it an almost serene yet sombre feeling. He was thankful of the coat because it was hiding the fact he was still shivering beneath it. He knew it wasn’t anything to do with the cold, though.
He was tucking the flowers back in the crook of his arm when Ali came up beside him and wrapped her arm around his waist. She was as equally rugged up against the chilled winter day, but still managed to look great despite the numerous layers. Their breath was condensing is soft swirls before them as it hit the cold air and Andrew was thankful that there weren’t many people around.
“You’re shivering,” Ali noted softly, rubbing her hand up and down his arm to try and create some warmth. Andrew had been expectedly quiet since he arrived to pick her up for their trip to the cemetery to visit his father’s grave on the one year anniversary of his death. She had watched as he had a cuddle with Jamie before the bub was handed over to Uncle Max for the day. The bashful paramedic really did have a sweet adoration for the infant. Every time Ali watched him with her, she had to fight not to picture him becoming a more important part in both her and Jamie’s lives. The battle was getting harder by the day; harder every time he smiled at her.
Andrew nodded. “I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed,” he admitted. He had to bite down on his lip and glance up at the sky to chase away the urge to cry. He feared if he started this soon, he wouldn’t stop.
Their feet were crunching in the snow that had lain after the fall as they made their way up the path. “It’s okay to cry, love. You’ll probably set me off, but I brought a load of Kleenex.” Ali patted her pockets and then reached up to smooth down a few strands of his hair that were sticking up after he put his scarf on.
Andrew had to give a tiny huff of a laugh. “I didn’t even think to bring tissues…” he murmured.
Ali patted his arm lightly, but kept her hand tucked securely around his waist. She wanted to convey however she could that he didn’t have to be alone for this. Words weren’t always the best way to show someone you were there for them. It was only a few moments later that Ali realised what part of the cemetery they were in and she faltered just a little. The large overhanging tree with the wrought iron benches beneath were a familiar picture from her memory bank. She had sat there for hours with James one day not so long after David’s death. Something tugged deep in her heart and she closed her eyes, reflexively tightening her grip around Andrew’s waist.
“Hey, are you okay, there?” Andrew asked, leaning down a little so he could see her face. He tucked her hair behind her ear with a frown of concern and noticed her looking towards the benches. “Do you need to sit down?”
Ali shook her head. “No. I just… I knew someone who is buried here.” She pointed over in the direction of a large black marble headstone across from the tree. “Just there, actually.”
Andrew looked over at the grave and then gave her a small tug towards it. Ali looked up at him and although she felt reluctant, she appreciated Andrew’s patience when this was supposed to be his time for his dad. “He was very young,” he noted quietly, reading the name and dates on the headstone. “Was he your friend?”
Ali nodded. “Yes, by default. He was James’ lover. They had been together over two years when he died. They would have married if he hadn’t died. He was a cop and shot during a drug raid. It took James a long time to get over it.” She rested her hand top of the cold marble headstone. “Actually, I don’t think he ever really got over it… I should have brought some flowers for James. He used to leave some on David’s grave every Christmas. He won’t make it this year…” She had to look away as tears filled her eyes. She tried to blink them away, but they just spilled down her cheeks.
Andrew embraced her with his free arm, cradling her in against his shoulder. “We’ll share my flowers,” he promised and kissed her head. “Dad won’t mind.”
Ali pulled back and shook her head. “No, Andrew, you picked them out specially, love. It’s okay. Just blame post-pregnancy hormones and too many sleepless nights.” She swept the tears from her face with her gloves fingers.
“And a deep and lonely love for your friends,” Andrew added gently and tugged his gloves off. He shoved them into his jacket pocket and split the bouquet of flowers into two, placing one into her hand and squeezing her fingers. “I want to share them with you.”
There was just a moment more hesitation before Ali accepted the flowers and then leaned in to kiss him softly on the lips. Her eyes were still wet when she pulled back and held his gaze, her fingers brushing against his cheek. She managed a tiny smile and then turned to crouch down and place the flowers on David’s grave. She closed her eyes again for a moment. “I’m sorry we couldn’t take care of him for you. I hope you’re both together up there somewhere…” she whispered. She stood up and fished some of the Kleenex out of her pocket to wipe her eyes, looking up at Andrew apologetically.
Andrew stepped over to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. He didn’t say anything. If nothing else, they seemed to know exactly how to comfort each other and today, that was more important than anything. He glanced back at her friend’s grave, the flowers resting in solitude there. He just wanted to take all her pain away but his own burning deep in his gut told him that was impossible. It would eventually fade, but it would never go away, and now he had to somehow step up and face it all eye-to-eye. He didn’t know if he could handle it.
He stopped walking and looked down at the gravel under his feet. It was barely a few beats before the emotion caught him and the next thing he knew, he was standing there sobbing like he never wanted to stop. He missed his dad so much it ached inside and was threatening all over again to suffocate him. He hadn’t even made it to his dad’s graveside and he was already folding under the devastated grief of losing his father so young. The father-son bond had always been so close with Andrew being the only child. His father nurtured him and ensured he grew up into everything Andrew was today and now he was gone, wouldn’t see any of it, and all Andrew could seem to feel was this gaping chasm of loss that he couldn’t bridge.
Ali took the flowers off him and placed them carefully on the ground beside them so she could pulled him into her arms to hold him. His whole form was wracking with the sobs and she just started to rub her hand softly across the nape of his neck. Her own eyes were damp as she listened to him cry and she knew then and there that she didn’t want to let him go… and not just from this embrace.
agentfraser referenced with permission
Word Count | 1,311
Co-written with agentsullivan
Andrew placed the large bunch of flowers on the roof of his car so he could zip his long coat up and accompany it with some gloves and a scarf. A light snow had fallen overnight and was dusting the grounds of the large cemetery, giving it an almost serene yet sombre feeling. He was thankful of the coat because it was hiding the fact he was still shivering beneath it. He knew it wasn’t anything to do with the cold, though.
He was tucking the flowers back in the crook of his arm when Ali came up beside him and wrapped her arm around his waist. She was as equally rugged up against the chilled winter day, but still managed to look great despite the numerous layers. Their breath was condensing is soft swirls before them as it hit the cold air and Andrew was thankful that there weren’t many people around.
“You’re shivering,” Ali noted softly, rubbing her hand up and down his arm to try and create some warmth. Andrew had been expectedly quiet since he arrived to pick her up for their trip to the cemetery to visit his father’s grave on the one year anniversary of his death. She had watched as he had a cuddle with Jamie before the bub was handed over to Uncle Max for the day. The bashful paramedic really did have a sweet adoration for the infant. Every time Ali watched him with her, she had to fight not to picture him becoming a more important part in both her and Jamie’s lives. The battle was getting harder by the day; harder every time he smiled at her.
Andrew nodded. “I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed,” he admitted. He had to bite down on his lip and glance up at the sky to chase away the urge to cry. He feared if he started this soon, he wouldn’t stop.
Their feet were crunching in the snow that had lain after the fall as they made their way up the path. “It’s okay to cry, love. You’ll probably set me off, but I brought a load of Kleenex.” Ali patted her pockets and then reached up to smooth down a few strands of his hair that were sticking up after he put his scarf on.
Andrew had to give a tiny huff of a laugh. “I didn’t even think to bring tissues…” he murmured.
Ali patted his arm lightly, but kept her hand tucked securely around his waist. She wanted to convey however she could that he didn’t have to be alone for this. Words weren’t always the best way to show someone you were there for them. It was only a few moments later that Ali realised what part of the cemetery they were in and she faltered just a little. The large overhanging tree with the wrought iron benches beneath were a familiar picture from her memory bank. She had sat there for hours with James one day not so long after David’s death. Something tugged deep in her heart and she closed her eyes, reflexively tightening her grip around Andrew’s waist.
“Hey, are you okay, there?” Andrew asked, leaning down a little so he could see her face. He tucked her hair behind her ear with a frown of concern and noticed her looking towards the benches. “Do you need to sit down?”
Ali shook her head. “No. I just… I knew someone who is buried here.” She pointed over in the direction of a large black marble headstone across from the tree. “Just there, actually.”
Andrew looked over at the grave and then gave her a small tug towards it. Ali looked up at him and although she felt reluctant, she appreciated Andrew’s patience when this was supposed to be his time for his dad. “He was very young,” he noted quietly, reading the name and dates on the headstone. “Was he your friend?”
Ali nodded. “Yes, by default. He was James’ lover. They had been together over two years when he died. They would have married if he hadn’t died. He was a cop and shot during a drug raid. It took James a long time to get over it.” She rested her hand top of the cold marble headstone. “Actually, I don’t think he ever really got over it… I should have brought some flowers for James. He used to leave some on David’s grave every Christmas. He won’t make it this year…” She had to look away as tears filled her eyes. She tried to blink them away, but they just spilled down her cheeks.
Andrew embraced her with his free arm, cradling her in against his shoulder. “We’ll share my flowers,” he promised and kissed her head. “Dad won’t mind.”
Ali pulled back and shook her head. “No, Andrew, you picked them out specially, love. It’s okay. Just blame post-pregnancy hormones and too many sleepless nights.” She swept the tears from her face with her gloves fingers.
“And a deep and lonely love for your friends,” Andrew added gently and tugged his gloves off. He shoved them into his jacket pocket and split the bouquet of flowers into two, placing one into her hand and squeezing her fingers. “I want to share them with you.”
There was just a moment more hesitation before Ali accepted the flowers and then leaned in to kiss him softly on the lips. Her eyes were still wet when she pulled back and held his gaze, her fingers brushing against his cheek. She managed a tiny smile and then turned to crouch down and place the flowers on David’s grave. She closed her eyes again for a moment. “I’m sorry we couldn’t take care of him for you. I hope you’re both together up there somewhere…” she whispered. She stood up and fished some of the Kleenex out of her pocket to wipe her eyes, looking up at Andrew apologetically.
Andrew stepped over to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. He didn’t say anything. If nothing else, they seemed to know exactly how to comfort each other and today, that was more important than anything. He glanced back at her friend’s grave, the flowers resting in solitude there. He just wanted to take all her pain away but his own burning deep in his gut told him that was impossible. It would eventually fade, but it would never go away, and now he had to somehow step up and face it all eye-to-eye. He didn’t know if he could handle it.
He stopped walking and looked down at the gravel under his feet. It was barely a few beats before the emotion caught him and the next thing he knew, he was standing there sobbing like he never wanted to stop. He missed his dad so much it ached inside and was threatening all over again to suffocate him. He hadn’t even made it to his dad’s graveside and he was already folding under the devastated grief of losing his father so young. The father-son bond had always been so close with Andrew being the only child. His father nurtured him and ensured he grew up into everything Andrew was today and now he was gone, wouldn’t see any of it, and all Andrew could seem to feel was this gaping chasm of loss that he couldn’t bridge.
Ali took the flowers off him and placed them carefully on the ground beside them so she could pulled him into her arms to hold him. His whole form was wracking with the sobs and she just started to rub her hand softly across the nape of his neck. Her own eyes were damp as she listened to him cry and she knew then and there that she didn’t want to let him go… and not just from this embrace.
agentfraser referenced with permission
Word Count | 1,311