138; i'm tired of tiptoeing
Okay, let me lay this down frankly. I did the paranoia meme, something I shouldn't have done, and on it were a few things I haven't said in person, that perhaps I should. Perhaps it would have been fair to say them. Well, guess what, I'll be honest - I'm still not going to. But I will say this.
I've been treating my own journal like it's some sort of shared performance space lately, like it's okay for people on my friends list to dislike me and remain there, because "it's a free country, people can like and dislike whoever they want", etc etc. And just this morning I've woken up realising how stupid this is.
Let me emphasise. I don't want any of you gone. If you're reading that and secretly thinking "she's saying that, but she wants me to go" - it doesn't matter who you are, it isn't true. I don't want anybody to leave. But I'm tired of the status quo I have with some people on my flist, the "I don't like you but I'm going to keep you on my list anyway" thing people have going on. But let me just add - I love everyone on my flist. Doesn't matter who they are, what we've said or done to each other. I don't care. I am willing to forgive anything, if we both try to do it, if it's not me on my own. But if you don't want to, well.
This is what I'm saying. Either let's start again, or let's just let go. I am sick of going to write a post and thinking 'oh, I can't say that, I'll offend so-and-so even more'; sick of thinking I can't do things because someone who probably hates my guts is upset.
If you look at this and don't think it's about you, it most likely isn't. The people it's about will know.
Those people: well, it's up to you. If you choose option A: hello, I'm Sian, it's nice to meet you.
Option B is where the door is. Thank you.
♥
I've been treating my own journal like it's some sort of shared performance space lately, like it's okay for people on my friends list to dislike me and remain there, because "it's a free country, people can like and dislike whoever they want", etc etc. And just this morning I've woken up realising how stupid this is.
Let me emphasise. I don't want any of you gone. If you're reading that and secretly thinking "she's saying that, but she wants me to go" - it doesn't matter who you are, it isn't true. I don't want anybody to leave. But I'm tired of the status quo I have with some people on my flist, the "I don't like you but I'm going to keep you on my list anyway" thing people have going on. But let me just add - I love everyone on my flist. Doesn't matter who they are, what we've said or done to each other. I don't care. I am willing to forgive anything, if we both try to do it, if it's not me on my own. But if you don't want to, well.
This is what I'm saying. Either let's start again, or let's just let go. I am sick of going to write a post and thinking 'oh, I can't say that, I'll offend so-and-so even more'; sick of thinking I can't do things because someone who probably hates my guts is upset.
If you look at this and don't think it's about you, it most likely isn't. The people it's about will know.
Those people: well, it's up to you. If you choose option A: hello, I'm Sian, it's nice to meet you.
Option B is where the door is. Thank you.
♥